Giving Thanks

Well, it's the very end of Thanksgiving day here in Seattle and I have so much on my heart tonight.  I don't think I can get it all out tonight, but we'll just see how it goes.

First of all, I hope everyone had a wonderful day of family and friends, food, warmth, and fun with the people that are the most important to you.  I was thinking last night about what my time with my family was going to be like today, and I had to take a deep breath.

The last few weeks, months, years have been challenging. I have tried to keep a good attitude, but lately I have just been worn down from all of the challenges and my attitude has taken a nose dive. 

I have not been in a good state of mind lately and it has been bubbling over in a number of ways and situations and even in some relationships.  But last night, despite what I feel are some very big challenges in my life, I had to deal with the fact that I was unhappy.  VERY unhappy.  Very ungrateful.

I had to really think about what I'm thankful for.  Despite feeling like every step I make in life feels like someone is trying to push me back, I couldn't ignore it.  

I had to really change my attitude because I knew that I wanted to have a good time with my family and this was an opportunity for me to really have some great time with them.  My poor mom was very sick today and wasn't able to join us at the table, but was a trooper and joined us in the living room to hang out. 

Before dinner, we were all starting to sit at the table to dig in and I encouraged everyone to come in to the living room to take a few minutes to talk about what we were thankful for, and to try to include mom as much as possible.  It was a good time, and very good for my heart.  We prayed and went back to the table to eat.

On Sunday, the singles at my church were having a Friendsgiving meal and I was very encouraged to get there early and talk with one of my favorite brothers.  I was really upset and not having a good time (and had an even worse attitude) and as we were talking, he was asking me how I was doing.  I was trying to be honest without being negative, but eventually I asked if we could chat in the sanctuary.

I opened up to him how I was feeling, it was a lengthy and emotional conversation, and he listened and was compassionate--a friend.  He wanted to get together again this week, so I invited him over for dinner and we continued the conversation, this time even deeper and even more emotionally wrenching for me.  Once again, he listened like a champ and has offered to continue to pray for me. Those two conversations really helped me deal with some very large frustrations I am currently having. Sometimes all you need is someone willing to sit down and just listen, and be there.

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We have life here in the west pretty good.  Even when I feel my life is frustrating, upsetting, unfair, I know things are going to be okay when all is said and done.  But I keep thinking of a picture I saw recently. It was of a man, holding his two younger sons, he looked like he was middle-eastern, standing in water.  I thought of how hopeless his life must have felt in that moment.  And maybe he  still is in that place.  I don't know.  I'm haunted by this image and of so many like it of the refugees from Syria, Iraq, and lots of other places.  Many images more gut-wrenching than this one.

These people are just like anyone in the west.  They have dreams and hopes.  They have good aspects and bad habits like we do. They work hard, they love people, they have jobs, feed and house their children. We in the west are not special. We're not different.  We are all humans, we all have basic needs and this man in that moment didn't have any of that.  Any of it. 

I enjoyed spending time with family today and I don't feel guilty about that.  But I wonder what I'm going to do about this picture.  It's one tiny moment in one person's life.  But there is a lot of suffering going on out there.  I think the worst thing I could do is bury my head in the sand, forget that picture, and go about my selfish little life without that picture making any difference in my heart and in my actions.  Now, I don't know what I can do for THAT man, but what can I do for my fellow man?  This is really bugging me.  But I need to do something.  I just need to figure out what. I'm open for ideas....

Renewing My Motivation

It's a warm breezy late afternoon in Seattle and I just got up from a nap.  There has been a lot going on lately which has taken some patience and humility to handle.  I hope I'm getting better at dealing with these things by now, because this seems to be my plight. At least for now.   I know amazing things lie before me, yet I eagerly await for their arrival. 

I've noticed lately that I have been very tired. Dealing with so much can really wear a person down. But at the same time, I'm starting to feel really energized.  I feel like I have left so much of the negative behind, even though I experienced a lot of good through those things as well...  Hm. Weird, huh? Well, despite that, I know I'm going the right direction, still on this journey called life, still working toward my dream...

So, before I moved to Berlin two years ago, I was working hard on my dining room and kitchen renovation, selling stuff and getting ready to go.  My dream was to go to Germany and God blessed it far beyond my wildest dreams.  My dream is the same, but I'm realizing that my motivation is not there right now.  The dream has never changed.  Only my circumstances have. I've learned a ton, and God is working powerfully on my heart.  So there is still GREAT hope. 

So, back to motivation....  Whenever I think of my friends in Berlin, my experiences there, the city itself, etc., I always smile.  I miss all of them with all my heart. Sometimes I just come home from work and sit in front of my computer and "veg" out.  Which is okay to do sometimes.  I've decided that I am going to put up pictures of all my friends around my desk, pictures of the city and the places I've been there, to motivate me to write. Write so that I can return to the place that God has placed next to him, deep in my heart. It will be a motivational collage, to remind me that my dream is worth fighting for, THEY are worth it, and God most certainly is worth it.  I can't wait to get these up on my wall to see every day.  To make me smile, and to remind me of the incredible beauty of this dream God has given me.

I'm also very excited for some time off.  It's been since December that I have had more than 3 days off in a row to enjoy some "me" time.  Starting Saturday, I have SIX glorious days off in a row, which I am hoping to fill up with some northwest beauty...  I absolutely cannot wait!!!  It will likely be a staycation, but I would like to go to a beach for the day or something... 

There's a lot more to say, but I'll leave it there for now.  I'm trying to spend less time online and more time doing things that will help my dream come to fruition sooner than later. So, thanks for checking in on me and I hope to update again sometime in the next couple weeks!

Follow Up

First of all, let me apologize for the delay in getting back with you regarding my conversation with the publisher.  The last couple weeks have been busy as I have been dealing with some "big" stuff and am just starting to get my mind back a little...

So I won't keep you in suspense any longer.  I was most encouraged to hear a publisher who has been working in the industry for 38 years tell me that what I have submitted to him looked "very good".  For a novice, that meant a lot to me.  I'm not sure if he was addressing writing style or content, but encouraging nonetheless...

They were unfortunately not in a position to publish me for a number of reasons, which I completely understood.  Hopefully they'll do my second book.... hehehehe...

He also gave me some tips about self-publishing which took a bit of the my fear of that unknown out of the picture.  And they said they might be able to help with some other things as well, but at this point I will continue to plod along as I have so far, changing course only slightly to look into the self-publishing world.

On a side note, I have had to make some tough decisions lately to cut some people out of my life that are not helping me in the course I have chosen for this time in my life.  I did not make these choices lightly and it was very difficult to have some of these conversations.  It was very hard, tears were shed, but ultimately I have to move forward.  The tough thing is that I really love people and it's incredibly painful to say good-bye...

That being said, it's late and I do need to head to bed.  I hope everyone is healthy, happy and encouraged.  Thanks for checking in on me.  Please pray for me to be able to write. I have to be in the right mood to do any kind of writing and I've been having a very difficult time sitting down to do that.  My schedule at work has also been very challenging to that end.  I don't have a lot of time and I'm not sure how to deal with that.  Prayers, good thoughts and vibes would be much appreciated.

Much love from Seattle.  Tim.

Conversation with the Publisher Tuesday

Good evening all!

Well, I'm very excited, and it will be a short entry tonight, because I need to be in bed soon.  Since the middle of May, I have been in contact with a publisher regarding the possible publication of my book.

Due to circumstances out of my control, they have been busy and haven't had the time until now (possibly) to discuss the idea with me at length.  I spoke with them last week and they gave me some times when they will likely have some time and I sent an email late last week about setting a specific time to chat with them this week.  The time I gave them was tomorrow morning before I go to work.  Though I haven't received a response from that email yet, I do believe it will still happen.

This is really a very, very, very big deal for me, and I'm just asking for any prayers, positive thoughts and vibes for it to go well.  I'm a little bit nervous, but definitely more excited.  I believe this book is going to really help people because relationships are absolutely the most important thing in this world.  And whether you believe in the Bible, or don't, it is FULL of instructions on how to have good relationships. (And gives quite a number of examples of bad relationships, too!)

Anyway, like I said, this is such an important time for me. I can't emphasize this point enough.... I know all of you are busy, but a short prayer or thought would really mean the world to me right now.  Thanks in advance for your support and love, for your friendships, and even if you just casually read this blog (even if it's your first time reading it), I just want to say "Thank you", "Vielen Dank" "Gracias" "Grazie Mille", etc.  Seriously, thank you!!!

I'll let you all know how it goes!

My dream

Good evening (Good morning, Germany!!) :)

I was just thinking....  The last couple months have been pretty challenging for me, and lately I have been VERY discouraged and overwhelmed.  There is a LOT to overcome still and sometimes it's hard to just put one foot in front of the other. But I do...

What I was just thinking about was "What do I want my life to look like in the future?"  I don't know when it will look like this, but I believe it will some day.  Whether you agree or not is irrelevant, because it's my dream....

My dream is one day to have the ability, the resources, the time and the desire to not just stop and smell the roses, but to stop and help my fellow man.  I have been seeing needs around me lately that I just don't have the energy or the mental bandwidth to deal with.  I have to take care of my own business.  Somewhere, there has to be a happy medium.

Okay, so for now that is my reality.  But I believe that will change some day.  I want to be able to find people that are lonely, that need help, that are truly deserving of a little boost.  We all need those boosts sometimes.  But the thing that really makes me sad is that our society really looks down on people that are going through tough times.  We ask, "why can't he/she just take care of their own business?"  I know I have asked this question in an unloving way.  In my pride, I was too busy to ask them why, or to try to help.  I had places to be, people to see, stuff to do.  But I was just being kind of selfish.  I guess I still am....

Living in Seattle has shown me so clearly how focused we can be on our own selves, our comfort, our stuff....  The reality here is that people have to make a lot of money to live.  My half of rent for my apartment is nearly as much as my whole 1st and 2nd mortgage payments on my house in Spokane.  How are people able to afford to live here?  Heaven forbid you have kids, a car payment, etc. It can be stressful to live here unless you make a LOT of money.

I have to laugh, because I think of Ecclesiastes.  (If you're not religious, stay with me for a moment...).  Numerous times in that book, it says that our lives are a "chasing after the wind" and in other places it calls everything meaningless.  It's true I guess.  The "haves" get more and more, while the "have nots" have less and less and less.  It's incredible to me to see the disparity.  I don't understand it.  What makes one person so much more special?  Why do they get so much while others have to work harder to barely have anything.  This is the king of thing that drives me a little bit mad.   

We run around to get this or that, or take care of a problem, or to buy something.  We get in our cars and go wherever we want, we do this or that.   And that's really great!  But I realize that I get into such a big hurry for nothing.  I tell myself "I have to get there fast" and I speed and get stressed....  But why?  Why is it so hard for me to relax and enjoy the journey?  Sometimes I don't leave myself enough time, but other times I am just in a hurry.  Impatient.  

I don't want to just stop and smell the roses.  I want to know people.  I want to know their stories and be a part of them.  I want to give, be generous.  I want people to know they are believed in, that they are loved and that they are valuable.  I want them to see themselves with the same eyes God sees them.  I want to see myself more and more that way as well.  I'm not there yet.  There are so many needs!

So for the meantime, I have the dream.  I can do more now if I make the time and the effort.  I need to overcome the challenges, the discouragement, and just love.  I know I need to. I know how much good it will do (a lot!).  Sometimes it's good just to think about such things.  To turn off the noise of life and ponder how to do good in this world.  There is a lot of good in the world, but there's also never enough good.  I want to be part of that.  

Until that day when God allows me to have more resources, I need to use what he has given me now.  He gives me time, energy, money and tools like and automobile, the ability to cook, to encourage, and to connect with others.  I have not been doing well using those gifts to encourage others.  I feel sad that this is where I am at, on the other hand, I know that's where I am now, so now I can do better.

Two of my heroes right now are Ricky Smith: http://www.rakenow.org/ for the selfless and tireless works he does, and for Rick Clark for #GivingBackPacks (facebook) in Spokane.  I want to be like them and have the life they do, helping others, and connecting with people in need.  I am honored to know both of you and want to imitate your hearts and your lives.  

Getting Motivated!

Well despite the past month-and-a-half having more than it's fair share of challenges in my life and health, I am feeling motivated.  Say what you want, and I have a few friends who do not believe in a God, but I know what I believe because I believe I am living out my faith.  I'm honest, open, sometimes raw, sometimes angry, sometimes completely humbled.  But I am never outside of the sight, much less the graces, of an incredibly huge and powerful Father.  I'm so grateful for not only grace from God, but from many others as well.

I'm thankful for those faithful, loving friends that bear with me during the times I'm struggling, sometimes being an ear, and at other times, a shoulder.  Yes, I have shed many tears in the past couple of years, but know this, I don't regret a single tear.  I have earned them, learned from them, and they are my bond with my God.  He knows every one I have cried, both in the presence of trusted friends, and especially the ones I have shed only in his presence. I know he does not take a single one of them lightly. He allows them because he knows they will make me better and help me to get closer to him.  I am totally convinced of this fact because I am growing, and I am allowing God to have the ultimate control of my life (although sometimes with a little battle.....).

I know there is a bigger plan in all this, and so many times He has encouraged me to stay strong, despite times where I have felt empty, exhausted, and at the end of my rope.  But, so far, God has helped me to get up, dust myself off, and hit the trail again.  Countless times I have found myself on the ground, feeling defeated, feeling lonely, feeling lost.  But so far God's mercy has allowed me to be 100% successful in just getting back up. I think that is so powerful. Sometimes that's all you need.

I know that this is dangerous to say, but I refuse to be a victim of my circumstances any longer.  Not only do I not want it, but I don't think I can afford to any more.  I need to get up, face the challenges with courage and confidence that God has my back.  (Anyone who calls himself a Christian should live this way) I need to get back on the horse and head into battle.  My circumstances have not changed, but I want to be faithful with what I *do* have.  There are still a ton of challenges I am facing, but with the grace of God, he will allow me to face them successfully; however he sees fit to bless that.

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So, they have cut back my hours at work.  Next week, it's only 25 hours.  I'm supposed to get 40.  That's a HUGE reduction in my pay.  I am also needing to move in a month.  I have no idea how that is going to happen....  But I also don't feel worried.  God has brought me through way bigger things than that in the past few years.  He's in control, and I will do my part to navigate these, but now, by sight, I have NO idea how this will happen.  LOL.  Oh well, God IS faithful.....

I was able to hang out with my good friend Alan Erickson today.  It was an incredibly beautiful, sunny day in Seattle.  60 degrees (16C) and it felt so nice and warm as we prayed and talked at the Seattle Waterfront. Here was our view:

Even through all the darkness I have felt in my life, God has provided so many of those little glimmers of light/hope that have kept me going and encouraged. Every time I try to see that they are, in fact, God and I always try to thank God for them.  Even the smallest bit of light in a dark place are incredibly welcome!

So now I put my hand to the work that's ahead of me.  One of the positives of working a bit less is that now I have more time to write!  Please pray for me to be disciplined in this so that I can have hope to possibly get out of a situation that is not ideal.  So that I can move forward in my life and get this book on love out of my head and into the hands of people that are serious about having better relationships!  Pray for me to make the most of the opportunity I have been given, and not to see it as a bad thing, but as a blessing!

I also wanted to thank God for the brother (and his wife) that gave me a new, to me, phone.  My other phone was starting to have some pretty serious issues and they were getting more frequent and severe.  This new phone is so fancy.  I feel so spoiled.  How do you say thankful for such a generous gift?  I'll start with lasagna, but I don't think that's nearly enough....

I'm grateful for my old BT accountability group.  We have committed to continuing to meet and I'm just super encouraged by the trajectory of a number of things in my life.  Please also pray for me to continue to grow in my relationship with God, so that we can grow even stronger as a group.

I'll leave it at that for now.  I'll keep you updated on the progress on the book. Thanks for your support and taking the time to read up tonight.  Have a great week!

Tough Month

Good evening all!  I am feeling really bummed tonight and I just need to get some stuff off my heart.  Once again, this blog also serves as my release valve for the stuff in my life that I need to just vent, thinking "out loud" on paper (so to speak), so please bear with me as I go through my mind and clear out the cobwebs and other stuff lurking in the dark corners.  As usual, I never know exactly what I'll uncover, may get a bit dusty and unpleasant, but oh well....

So I have been feeling a lot of things recently.  First of all, I just was not ready for a new year a few weeks back.  I'm still not exactly sure what to do with it, but I guess it's here now. My birthday came and went, and had some good time with the Wu's after church. They took me to lunch in the International District and then we went out for Boba Tea!  I love Boba Tea and I was super encouraged to find out the place we went had a sit-down Pac-Man arcade game.  I challenged David to a game and he did pretty well for a young buck! I still beat him, but he might have let me win.  Hahahahahaha!  No way, I beat him fair and square!  We still had a lot of fun!  

For dinner, my awesome roommates, the Vanderyachts cooked me some extremely delicious pork adobo. Mouth-watering!  Also, I was very excited that Amy got me some cup holders for my car.  Since my Toyota turns 29 years old this year, it didn't come with any, so I was very excited Amy remembered that I didn't have any cup holders in the car and found some for me!  Now I just have to figure out where to put them!  LOL

So here's where it starts to get real.  I didn't realize how much the one-year anniversary of leaving Germany was going to affect me.  Among some other very challenging situations in my life, I just kind of emotionally shut down for a few days.  I'm not sure if I really dealt with everything completely that was going through my heart, but I definitely have made some headway in some very important areas.  

One of the areas I have been struggling in is relationships. Now, since I'm writing a book on the subject, my level of conviction in this area may be higher than others (and I'm not saying that to put anyone else down, just sort of as a matter-of-fact, in my mind at least) and maybe my expectations are also higher, but I feel like especially the past few months I have been giving a lot to other relationships with not much to show from it.  I know I could do better in keeping up with people, but frankly I have just been hurting lately and it's been harder for me to do that than usual. Either way, whether true or not, I feel like my phone rarely rings and few text messages, etc.  I have really been trying to reach out to others, but not seeing much in the way of reciprocation.  

Well, in the past week or two, I have made some progress in this area.  Our bible talk leader moved to another city and since we stopped having BT in December, I have been feeling lost during the week without some of the interaction and especially as a result of my last blog entry, I decided that I would try to get our old D-Group together again to continue our accountability with each other and reinforce those relationships. We got together and we had a great time!  We were able to be open and we are planning to continue the relationships even after the new groups get started so we can have some consistency.  Since I have had to start over so many times in the past two years, I really needed something consistent.  With the new groups we will have new relationships, which I am very excited about as well, but really need to NOT start all over again in all areas.  I just can't handle it right now....

In all honesty, I'm feeling kind of low tonight.  There's one main theme to it, with multiple parts.  So, they have cut back my hours at work and it looks like next week it will be about 32 hours.  I think this is still pretty do-able, but I certainly will not be able to have a lot of extra-curricular activities.  Some of the bros went out for a movie tonight and I just couldn't afford to go and I'm definitely not loving that.  The good news is that I got all my bills paid this paycheck, but only have $25 for the next 13 days.  I still need to buy a few things and have not paid any tithe yet.  I just hate being so broke all the time!

On the subject of good news, I have also gotten another student to teach German to.  He wants to meet multiple times per week and wants to do 1.5 hour slots!  So, the good news with the reduced hours at work is being able (and having the opportunity) to tutor!  I'm very grateful for this.  Even though it won't likely make up the full amount lost at my job, it will definitely help, and the work is more fun and time goes by more quickly!  

Last month I had unexpected expenses of about $250 come up, which has taken me over a month to make up.  Hopefully my next paycheck I'll finally be able to have some extra money then to go do something fun with.  I'm not saying these things because I'm ungrateful or even unhappy, I'm grateful for what I have.  I just want to start moving forward in this area and I feel there are just a ton of hurdles to overcome.  Please pray for me to have a good attitude and to truly be grateful.

I also realized something tonight that kind of shook me to the core.  The past three to four years of my life have been a very powerful exercise and test of my faith.  Before leaving Spokane, I sacrificed a tremendous amount to be able to move to Germany to help out the church in Berlin.  I believe God blessed that in incredible ways.  

But I was thinking tonight about the story in Matthew 14, where Jesus meets his disciples by walking on the water out to the boat in the middle of the lake during the night.  When he approached the boat, thee disciples were afraid, thinking he was a ghost.  Peter said, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water."  He told Peter to come.  In verse 29, the Bible says that "Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came to Jesus.  But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!'  Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.  'You of little faith, why did you doubt?'"

I'm very challenged by this for a number of reasons, but I have to be honest, there have been too many times where I have trusted God and then sort of "took a break" from believing.  I took back control of areas of my life that I had surrendered to God and pursued doing things my way.  I didn't want to hear the truth, I didn't want to do what was right.  I wanted to do it my way and nobody was going to convince me otherwise. Tonight it occurred to me that it's all a faith issue.  In Hebrews 11:6, it says "without faith, it is impossible to please God."  

I have really tried hard to be faithful in every area, but there are times when I have just become weary and have decided on my own way.  Every time I have done this, it only makes me feel defeated, because it essentially nullifies the faithful acts I *have* done.  I feel very deeply moved and convicted by this.  Sometimes I feel imprisoned by these things, but at the same time, I'm actually grateful for these challenges because even despite moments of sheer frustration and no apparent control over circumstances, I know the challenges are making me a better person.  I try not to take this lightly, but I am human, and I do struggle.

I guess what I'm saying is that I have messed up.  I've done so numerous times and with varying degrees of severity.  But I know God isn't done with me yet.  I may have days where I feel overwhelmed and that God is far away, but I know he is, in fact, near.  These are all those "light and momentary troubles" that are "achieving for [me] an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."  I take tremendous comfort in that, because I know my heart for God and what he's given me.  I have hope that sometimes is overshadowed by the craziness of the things that I experience on this earth.

I can't tell you how much better I feel after writing all of this.  I've been struggling lately what to pray for, but sometimes I just need to sit and write so that I can clear my head.  I still have a long way to go.  There's so much to do, and there are still a lot of forces that I feel are opposing me, but I'm grateful for all of you who read this and respond.  I'm so grateful that after my last post on here, the next morning (probably 9-11a.m. sometime), I hit 10,000 views on this blog.  I can't express how much that means so much to me, thank you for your support and love!

Please continue to pray for me to fight through the physical pain, relational issues and other challenges so that I can not only move forward with what is currently on my plate, but also to be able to have time to write on my book.  It looks like this week I should have time, but I just need to the clarity of mind and heart to do so effectively...

Thanks again for your support and love and if you are reading this from Germany, please know how much I miss you and love all of you and hope I am reunited with you soon.  So often my heart is sick to be so far away from you, but I know I will be back someday soon. Have a good night and 

GO SEAHAWKS!!!!

Incredible sunset from Carkeek Park Beach, Jan. 14, 2015

At A Crossroads

Good evening and thanks for reading.  Today, I've reached a point where I feel confused and overwhelmed and I need to just get my brain straight, so sorry if this is a bit disorganized....

Sunday is my birthday.  45....  I'm not ready for the new year, nor am I ready for 45.  Don't get me wrong, my age is just a number, but I feel so out of sorts at the moment that I don't know what to make of any of it right now.

It's interesting that I'm having this struggle right before my birthday, but I honestly think that the timing is coincidental. There is just so much to do, and I just don't have the energy today.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I think that I'm at a crossroads in my life. I mean this very seriously and very deeply.  I feel like every decision I make will determine my fate, and I don't feel like I'm overstating this. Satan has been attacking me so strongly lately and I'm physically tired and feel weak that I feel very vulnerable and frankly a little bit scared right now.  I'm afraid I'll make the wrong decision.

I'm also still dealing with a tremendous amount of pain in my body, and the pain affects my ability to think clearly, which is usually one of my strong points.  I know things will get better, but right now they are still challenging. God has brought me a long way in the last year, and I know he'll deliver me in 2015.  But the fact is, that right now I'm really in the battle.  I'm struggling.

Please pray for me.  I really need to get this book written, but I also need time with people and I need to stay close to God.  I also work a full-time job on top of having all the other life responsibilities.  But I really want this book to be my priority this year.

So, that being said, I will probably write a bit less this year in this blog.  I will still try to write regularly, but on average it will be less than usual.

One other very encouraging thing is that right now I have 9,953 hits on my blog.  I can't believe that in the next couple of days, I will likely have 10,000 hits on it!!  That's so humbling to me that all of you care so much to take time out of your lives to find out "What's Up with Tim."  Thank you!!

I'll leave you tonight with a picture I took out at Carkeek Beach tonight.  The sunset was incredible! It was probably my favorite sunset I have witnessed here!   I even spotted a seal again tonight, it was the third time I've seen one out there! That was encouraging!  But here's the photo... Enjoy!

But for now, I'm going to head to bed.  Tomorrow will be better!  Thanks, Ray for your call tonight!  Thank you for giving me perspective.  I'm grateful for you and I'm praying for you!  Have a good night all!