A Very Unimportant Completion of a Project 25 Years in the Making

 Tonight's blog post is quite a bit different than my usual post.  It's more fun and not of any real importance, but it marks the end of a project I started more than a quarter century ago! 

There are WAAAAY more important things in life to focus on, especially as a disciple, but this was an accomplishment of sorts either way, and finishing up an abandoned project.

When I returned from Europe in 2023, I drove to Yakima and brought back some boxes stored at my stepmom's house and after several months, I went through everything I had, and realized I still had an unfinished plastic model that I bought 1998 or 1999.  It was a model of a real car that I had just recently purchased, a 1972 Honda N600.  The model kit was of a 1967 Honda N360, which was, from it's looks, pretty much identical to the '72 N600.

My actual 1972 Honda N600 on the date I sold it in 2013.

The model I just completed!

I still have all my model paints, brushes, thinner, sandpaper, glue, etc. (even with the price tags on them!)  Man, those things sure have gone up in price in 25 years.  Insane! 

So why am I even sharing this?  I'm not sure other than it felt really good to finish a project that I started nearly half my life ago! It gave me a tremendous sense of accomplishment!  By the way, I hadn't built a model since probably the early 1980's, so I watched some YouTube videos on how to do some things.  I'm glad I did.  

Now, one thing about this car.  The real car is tiny.  But this thing, WOW, it's SOOO tiny. It's a 1/32 scale model!  Now as a chunky man with chubby fingers, this was a REAL challenge to build!  One of the pieces was so small that you couldn't even tell it was a part.  It was a marker light (the tiny blinker light on the front fender).  Here are a couple pictures of HOW utterly small this thing is.  

That very small clear/orange plastic piece to the right of the quarter is the marker light.  By far the smallest model piece I've ever handled! It's so small that I actually lost one in my carpet.  There's no possible way I would ever find it again. It's the size of the "A" on the quarter!

SO . VERY . SMALL!

Here are a few more pictures of my model.  It seems so silly to post these, but honestly, it was an accomplishment!  

By the way, just in case anyone was curious, I actually finished the model between calls when I was working from home. Even with that, it took *months* to finish because you can only do one small thing at a time. 5 minutes of work, then wait for paint or glue to dry. 

Doing this project kind of made me remember my childhood when I loved to build models. I probably won't do any more, but it sure was fun to finish this one up finally!

Anyway, thanks for stopping by for a little more light-hearted blog post and have a great week and a safe 4th of July!

Humility is a gift from God: A clear view of my bitter heart

 I had a crazy day today.  Usually once a month or so I work on a Saturday and today was the day...  It's usually pretty quiet, and today was especially so for most of the day.  But people were high touch, cranky and battled everything I told them.  I was pretty exhausted at the end of the day.

But a part of my morning was also not so encouraging.  After putting over $4200 into my car since February, I had a warning on my dash about low tire pressure on my BRAND NEW tires.  I had had it! Enough was finally enough and I yelled at God saying that I can't afford to put any more money into the car! (A little foreshadowing maybe?...)

So I'm looking at buying a used car up on Camano Island, a little over an hour from my work.  I was supposed to go up today to do a quick repair, check a few things out and hopefully finish the deal.  But I couldn't risk damaging my new, and very expensive, tires. 

Since I get off early on Saturdays, I thought the tire shop had already closed.  I stopped after work to get air, but then realized that the shop didn't close until 5!  There's a chance I could actually make it before they closed and not have to wait until Monday.

My last call of the day was at 3:59:50, 10 seconds before the end of my shift, and boy was I salty about that in my heart.  The caller was also pretty salty, like many of my customers today....  I legitimately couldn't help him with everything today, but I was able to get off the call at a reasonable time.  

But I was still faithless about getting my flattening tire fixed today....

But I prayed anyway.  Still faithless.  I forced myself to repeat, "they'll get it done today", "they'll get it done today."  I arrived 15 minutes before closing time, much like the gentleman I just spoke with 40 minutes prior.  And I thought wow, now I'm on the receiving end of being that guy who comes in at the very end of someone's shift asking for help.  I was super convicted!

As I'm sure you can guess, they fixed my tire for me, even after I gave them my big sob story.  How pathetic I must have sounded.  Faithless, whiny, and frustrated by the day....  Kind of sick really.  Not my proudest moment for sure. 

But as is his custom, God came through.  He always seems to, but not with a person with a bitter, unrepentant heart.  Instead of going to Camano Island tonight, I decided that I needed to do some Doordashing to save up for Special Missions Contribution as well as my trip to Germany and England in August.  

I got one very low-paying offer which I was grateful for, then no more orders for what seemed like an eternity.  I almost gave up and went home, but I didn't.  I was only a few blocks from home and decided to see if I could just get one more.  

In the silence of the car, I said a quick prayer.  I apologized to God for yelling at him earlier.  Not only did it not cost me anything (Les Schwab offers free flat repairs! Hallelujah!), it was done before closing time (they didn't have to do that for me!) AND I made a little bit of money Doordashing tonight. A triple win!  

I'm so grateful that God was quick to forgive and love me after my prayer, because only SECONDS after I apologized to Him (and two full hours after my last delivery!), I got a good-paying delivery, more than double my first one, a fourth win!

9 For you became sorrowful as God intended and so were not harmed in any way by us. 10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 1 Cor. 7:9-10

Thank you God for humbling me tonight.  You know exactly how to get my attention.  Please help me in the future to be more pro-active in my humility, but thank you for believing in me, even when my heart is bitter.  I love you and am so grateful for your incredible love and your incredible kingdom.  Sorry for my complaining and lack of gratitude. You deserve much better than that from me!

It's important to write stuff down. Especially stuff like this.  Occasionally I do re-read some of my posts, I hope God will allow me to read this one again some day.  I'm sure on a day when I need a little reminder.  Now off to bed, it's nearly 2 a.m. and I need to pray for some seriously deep sleep to make up for my late night.  

Good night all, until next time! Vaya con dios!

The Dangers of the Next Four Years

 So in my last blog post from two months ago, I promised an update on what I see happening in the upcoming presidency. These things are VERY easy to predict if you understand how money in politics (ie: legal bribery) works.  

I will repeat again, I am NOT A DEMOCRAT! Please see my last post why I believe why my political leanings are based on Biblical principles and why the Bible is clear that most progressive ideologies (most, but not all) are backed up by the very words of Jesus.  There are many subjects in this realm that we could discuss, but this post is meant mostly for the most damaging things I see upcoming, but not all that could be possible.  They are terrible, undemocratic, but more importantly, unbiblical and averse to spiritual teaching. And worst of all, they will harm this country, devastate the average person, but absolutely decimate the poor.

45 is a very deeply unhappy and bitter man. He does not have friends as most of us understand this word "friend", he only has business associates that can provide him more power and/or money.  He's angry that he was voted out in 2020 and he is ready to take revenge on those he sees as enemies.  He is going to pursue legally (hopefully not more), people that don't agree with him.  Vivek has a list of dozens, possibly hundreds, of people that have tried to actuate real consequences for 45's crimes. People like Pelosi, Schiff, Liz Cheney, reporters, mainstream media networks (ABC, CNN, possibly others), Jack Smith, and Fani Willis to name a few. He will do everything in his power to take control of media narratives to try to persuade people to accept his perspective, whether or not those things are true. You think Biden's administration is trying to "weaponize the DOJ"?  Well you ain't seen nothin' yet! 47 is out for blood, figuratively speaking (hopefully).

He is a pathological liar, with over 30,000 provable lies in his last term in office. He'll say anything to push his agenda, cause division (already a MASSIVE thing he's done), and inspire fear.  Remember, the Bible states that "there is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear." 1 John 4:18  Fear only gives those in charge more power, especially when they try to convince you they are they only one that can fix it.  By the way, that is a classic trait of fascists. Read up on it, even on books from many decades ago.

I grew up in Europe in the 1980's, where even as a teenager, I visited multiple eastern bloc countries that were communist/socialist dictatorships (Hungary, Czechoslovakia, East Germany, and Russia (before the revolution.)) so trust me when I tell you that I know what propaganda looks like.  Most right wing media are propagandists for 45, right wing fear, and misinformation. They thrive on instilling fear in people because it causes their audience to hate, which causes division.

One of the areas where they cause division is in fearmongering about non-white people: middle eastern people, latinos, people from "Chy-na", and every other group that they do not consider to be like them (gays, trans people, etc. etc. etc.). They have already planned to have "camps" where they will house immigrants in the deserts near the southern border and deport potentially millions of such people mentioned above, if possible without due process. We've seen these type of camps before, they're used by governments to remove certain types of people away from the rest of the population. 45 did this in his first term where conditions were terrible, unsanitary, crowded, etc. They will also be trying to strip the US citizenship of some of those people, even those protected by the Constitution that were born in the US, with automatic rights of citizenship, and that have literally never lived anywhere else than the US in their entire lives.  

I recently had a sister in another church call me stupid (Raca?) because I believe the research I've done on this.  I have forgiven her, but she is 100% in the wrong on this one.  It's not even close.... I pray that God will show her the truth before it's too late.  But the things upcoming in this new era of our country are gong to hit EVERYONE hard, not just "lefties".   When ICE was formed, many were stunned when "Friend X" was hauled off and deported.  "But they were so nice!" they would say, "I can't believe they're being deported!" There is going to be a lot of pain on this point.  Many people of color will be deported or possibly even put into these camps that are here legally.  This sister was also a sister of color.  I sincerely hope this does not affect anyone in her circle.  

This roundup of immigrants and brown people is going to do immense damage to the US economy. We rely on immigrants (many of them here legally on visas that allow them to stay to work in agriculture.) because in most cases they work under the table for extremely low wages, and most Americans won't want to do that kind of work.  This will cause produce prices to go up sharply, if indeed there is anyone at all to harvest the food that we eat. This will devastate farmers and will raise the price of food, especially fruits and vegetables. 

Similarly, there are many people that work in construction that are also here on visas.  Our housing shortage will get worse, prices will increase because no new dwellings are being built (law of supply and demand), and now there are 10's of thousands of homes in the LA area that were destroyed.  There will be no one to build new ones, much less bridge the gap in the housing shortage we already had before the LA fires of the past week. 

The potential pain felt by all Americans in the next four years is not to be underestimated.  All these things will take more of the dollars we already have and many companies that provide things of comfort and not necessity will no longer be able to survive. There will be a downstream effect that will cause heavy damage to our way of life in the US.

Like it or hate it, Biden has had some pretty noteworthy accomplishments in his four years in office: the best economy and job growth in over 50 years!  He has added more jobs in one term than all the rest of the last four presidents before him COMBINED.  He brought some manufacturing back to the US (45 had negative growth in this area in his four years in office, despite his promises of growth).  And income was up on average $4000 including inflation.

The stock market hit all time highs in 2024, Dow Jones was 31,186 on first day of Biden's term and now is at 41,938 (a growth of 34.47%) All time high under Biden was 45,014 in Nov. 2024.  Because of 45's promise to raise tariffs with Mexico, Canada, China and many of our other ally trading partners, the Dow Jones fell over 3,000 pints since Nov. 2024, just two months.

Economists state that if 47 follows through on those tariff plans, it will put the economy into a deep depression, much worse than the 2008-2009 economic crisis, and will add $10 Trillion to the US debt, which is already out of control at $36.166 Trillion!  Biden's administration added $6.17 Trillion to the deficit (about 20%) and 45 added 8.18 Trillion, over 40%, TWICE the amount of Biden. 45's biggest bill passed essentially gave his millionaire and billionaire friends, and their corporations, a massive tax cut.  Their tax bracket went from 35% to 21%.  Gee, I wonder why we struggle with debt? That's a toughie!!  (not).  Ugh.

It almost feels like he couldn't do more harm to the US by trying to implement these terrible plans.  Like I said before in this post, EVERYONE will feel this pain.  The poor will get poorer, the rich will continue to fill their pockets with more of the poor man's dollars. 

Don't believe me?  That's fine, but just watch what happens in the next 4 years.  It will be bad.  The rest of the world is very concerned.  We currently have the strongest economy in the entire world.  If that changes, it could cause a worldwide recession or even depression.  It's going to be bad.  Very, very bad!

Now I acknowledge that I could be wrong, in all honesty, I hope before God that I AM wrong.  But I believe that all of 45's bluster about buying Greenland, invading Canada and making it the 51st state is all just to deflect all of the insane things about Project 2025 and Agenda 47. Project 2025 | Presidential Transition Project and Agenda 47 - Wikipedia

The thing I think every American should be concerned about is the Republicans trying to privatize or get rid of Social Security.  This will be devastating to millions upon millions of elderly Americans that rely on the small amount they receive from this.  It's money we all have paid into through our paychecks for our entire work history. It's OUR money, it's what's called an entitlement.  We are entitled to those monies because we put that money aside.  They are also considering cutting Medicare and Medicaid, which would have two effects: It would stop billions of dollars going to the healthcare companies, and it would cause widespread undiagnosed disease and death for Americans.  These monsters are the literal worst people imaginable, they're cruel and greedy, and don't care about anyone but themselves.  

I have so much more I could say, I could make this a 1,000 page treatise on the absolute viciousness of theses plans.  But for time's sake, and for my sanity, I will leave it here for now. If I think of other things that belong here, I will update later.  

So Glad the Election is Over! A Spiritual Perspective

 Let me make one thing clear, I am NOT a Democrat!  

I'm a disciple of Jesus and that is what informs my political leaning.  And to be honest, it's REALLY hard for me to understand why other people that call themselves Christians aren't on the left.  Jesus literally said to the rich young ruler "Go, sell your possessions and give to the poor... then come follow me." (Mat.19:21) 

The Bible talks a LOT about caring for the poor, feeding the needy, clothing those who are naked, taking care of the foreigner, because we are (almost) all from somewhere else.  Remember the Good Samaritan who took care of someone that had been badly beaten and robbed? Yeah, do stuff like that!

So, I'd like to take a quick detour. 

I had a very weird morning.  Fighting with a flat tire on my car was just the thing to distract me from the sadness and frustration of 45 becoming 47.  As I worked, I tried to figure out how to fix my car, while I was also getting a ton of messages (random subjects) from a lot of people, and I was getting super overwhelmed.  But I'm glad I didn't have time to stew over the election loss.

Despite all that, I oddly feel very much at peace.  The rhetoric of the last two years, and the whining and constant firehose of lies of the former president (and others from the right especially) over the last 4 years has been extremely exhausting. I'm just feeling glad it's over and God has allowed my heart to be surrendered.  Whatever happens, I know that God will ultimately be in control, but I may need help remembering that in the future.  Please pray for me to run after God, please. Thanks!

But I would like to share with you my convictions on why I think that voting for someone like 45 goes against the Bible.

Before you read on, I would like you to ask yourself this question:  

"What do you think the purpose of Christianity is?  

Or in other words, 

"What is the most important thing to God?"

Please take a minute to ponder this and ask yourself what you believe the biblical answer.

-----------

Have you thought of your answer?  Let me tell you what I have learned in over 30 years of being a disciple from my study of the Bible.  It's incredibly simple, but not easy....

Let's look at two scriptures:

Hebrews 11: 6 - "Without faith it is impossible to please God."

1 Corinthianns 13:13 - "And these three remain: faith, hope, and love.  And the greatest of these is love."

The Greek word for "faith" here in both of these scriptures is the word "pistis".  And the word love in the second scripture is "agape".  Agape being the highest form of love, completely selfless, utterly devoid of self.

Now look what we see in these scriptures.  Without faith it's impossible to please God.  True!  But 1 Cor 13 says that love (agape) is even GREATER than faith.  

CONCLUSION:  If without faith it's impossible to please God, then since love is even greater than faith, then if we are unloving, we are not pleasing to God.  In fact, unless we are VERY loving, we are not pleasing to God and we are NOT like Jesus.  The question should not be simply "What would Jesus do?, but rather "How would Jesus LOVE in this situation?"  

That's a pretty high bar.  Jesus was the ultimate example of pure unselfish agape love.  He lived his entire life without sin, so that we would have a chance to make it to heaven.  Imagine a DAY without lusting, lying, wanting to be lazy, eating too much, being greedy, stealing, smoking, drinking to excess, getting angry with someone (someone cut you off?).  You get the idea.  Jesus went 33 years without sinning once, I couldn't go 33 hours without messing up somewhere!

Also see: 

Mat. 22:36-41

Mat. 13:34-35

Gal. 5:6

So what is love? Let's lay some ground work as to what love is, and what it's not.

WHAT LOVE IS: 

Being patient, 

being humble,

being completely pure, 

being compassionate (literally means "suffering with"), 

giving people chances, 

being open in a kind way when someone hurts you, 

patiently showing people the right way to do something, 

always being ready to say something kind in an authentic way (compliments, for instance),

helping the poor and needy (so many scriptures on this),

Being there for someone who's hurting emotionally or physically,

Feeding people: friends and strangers,

Forgiving completely from the heart,

Loyalty (see 1 Cor 13)

Showing people respect, treating others better than yourselves.

[Anything of a self-LESS nature]

etc. etc. etc.

WHAT LOVE IS NOT:

Tolerating people's repetitive sins (abuse, stealing) Give grace, but expect people to change.

Impurity with others,

Calling people names,

Looking down on others,

Withholding good from people whether they deserve it or not,

Judgmental attitudes toward ANYONE, which causes you to treat them poorly,

Causing divisions/destroying unity,

Being fake, insincerity (deceit),

[Anything that lifts up self, not others; SELFISH, self-focused]

etc. etc. etc.

-----------------

The Bible infers that it's all about integrity and love.  During the first term, 45 had over 30,000 provable lies or instances of mis- or disinformation.  That's over 20 EVERY day of his presidency.  And those are just the public statements.  

He's also been convicted of 34 counts of fraud, found liable for sexual assault (owes $500 Million to her), his foundation was closed due to significant fraud, he's failed in dozens of businesses: airline, steaks, vodka, university, an institute, two casinos in New Jersey (how is that possible??), game, mortgage company, magazine, bottled water, winery, cologne, and Truth Social may fail soon. SIX bankruptcies.

He's a grifter, swindler and a con artist.  Many that have worked with him say how toxic the work environment is.  40 of the 44 people in his immediate circle in his first term refused to endorse him in the 2024 election. He sells everything from gold sneakers to coins, to watches, to NFTs, and everything in between.  Anything to fleece his followers for a buck.

He's a bully.  He has nothing but negative things to say about people that don't agree with him or that actively call him out on his lies.  He's transactional in his relationships, he has no true friends, only business associates.  Unless you have something to offer him, he will not give you the time of day.  Unquestioned loyalty is what he demands.  If you turn on him, he will turn on you viciously (ie: he said that his VP would deserve being hanged on Jan. 6, 2021 because he certified the election results confirming Biden won the 2020 election.) By the way, there were over 60 lawsuits filed to dispute the allegations of election fraud. The Trump campaign lost ALL of them.  Why?  His lawyer(s) didn't present ANY, NO evidence!!!  So, 60 frivolous lawsuits, then they blame Democrats because people don't track these things on the right.

Part of the issue is that media, especially right wing media, are doing propaganda for him.  They never report on the terrible things he has done, but only ever put him in a positive light, so that the people that watch it think he is infallible (that's another whole Bible study!).  He calls people names that he doesn't like: Shifty Schiff, Crooked Joe, Sleepy Joe, Lying Kamala, etc.  Here is a Wikipedia list of all of the derogatory names he has called people.  There are dozens and dozens of them! 

List of nicknames used by Donald Trump - Wikipedia

He is hateful and divisive.  He's always talking about immigrants and putting down women, and he talks incessantly about the people coming across the border as murderers and rapists, and during 2020 he said all of them were sick with the virus and infecting Americans. His ex-wife even said he had a book of Hitler speeches, from which he got phrases like "poisoning the blood" and "enemy within".

And I could literally write an entire, voluminous book on all the ungodly things he has said and done, but here is what it boils down to for me SPIRITUALLY,  Biblically....  He's completely ungodly. He has no compassion, and only thinks of how something will benefit HIM.  He doesn't understand why people (veterans, specifically) fight in a war, and literally asked, "I don't get it, what was in it for them?"  He literally doesn't understand selflessness! And he literally said in a campaign speech, "I don't care about you, I just want your vote."  He ran for president to avoid going to prison. Period. And he will probably succeed in that.

But my biggest frustration with his fans is that it doesn't matter how many facts you show them, they refuse to believe.  I've had many conversations with people that just don't believe it even if you prove your points.  It's an exercise in utter futility, it rarely if ever breaks through. So I've stopped having the conversations.  There is a right side here.  It's not on the left, and it is completely missing on the right. 

Again, I'm NOT a Democrat!  Since we only have two options in our system, they tend to be closer to what I see biblically. It's about character and 45 has not shown any character AT ALL. 

Finally, truth is truth.  It's not something we conjure up in our minds, it's based on reality.  It's rarely fun or pleasant or easy to swallow.  Truth CAN, in fact, be known.  It's out there and if you love truth, you WILL find it.  But God has put this scripture on my heart lately: 

1 Cor 13:6 - "Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth".

I love the truth.  I love researching and finding out the truth.  Biblical truth and even truth in humanistic stuff: history, cars (I love cars), traveling/cultures, etc. etc. etc.  I love learning, I love discovering new things that I never knew before.  But we have to have Berean hearts even about secular things (but Biblical things produce more fruit!)  

Acts 17: 11 - "Now the Berean Jews were of more noble character than those in Thessalonica, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."

We have to be curious, we have to LOVE the truth (Biblical and secular).  Otherwise we will just be those people the Bible warns against that just  "gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear." - 2 Tim 4:3  That's not a place we want to be in the eyes of God. 

But I would like to finish this post by saying that I will be stepping back from some of the political posts, and focusing more on my relationship with God and others. I can't say I won't ever post anything political again, but if I do, it will be because I see biblical principles are being transgressed.

I'm going to make another post soon (hopefully) as to what I see the upcoming administration has promised to do once in office, starting with being a literal dictator on day one. It's frightening.

A Weird Anniversary And Feeling Pretty Low

I woke up this morning feeling like nothing matters any more.  I'm not feeling well, haven't been since last summer....  While I remind myself that there are aspects of my life that are incredible, I'm just not feeling very encouraged. today. So much to talk about, but right now, I'm trying to be grateful for my job, but it's so uninspiring, long commute, low pay and a toxic environment.  Nobody's happy there. 

Including me.

My health issues are plaguing me and though I do feel a bit better, I feel like I'm a long way from where I want to be.  And on top of all that, my discipler is too busy to get time with me.  There are days I feel like he cares, generally I don't get that sense at all.  Christianity is all about relationships. I try to teach that, but it doesn't seem to be catching on.  

And on top of it all, today marks one year since I had to return from Europe.  By far the best 8 months of my life up to that point. When I was landing at Sea-Tac, I let out a big sigh.  Not exactly where I wanted to be. And life has not been easy these past twelve months. I do love Seattle, but this is not where I was hoping to be right now.

I'm not sure who I should be the most frustrated with.... me? Others? God?  Some or all of those?  I'm not sure.  If I'm honest, I know it's probably me that I should be the most critical of, but not sure how that is going to help me either.

I just am so unhappy with life right now.  I'm trying, but I'm struggling.  I'm not saying I'm not part of the problem, but I need help.  I think the worst part of this is being able to trust and rely (even if it's just a little bit) on the person that God has put in my life to help me.  I'm very discouraged.  

On top of everything, I've gained almost all the weight back that I'd lost in my run up to leaving for Europe and what I lost while there, which is also very discouraging.  I need to do work on my car that I can't afford.  I hate my long commute and my managers won't let me work from home, even though I have everything set up to do it.  I hate that I have to work a second job just to make ends meet.  

Ultimately, I believe I'll be alright, I trust God.  But I woke up this morning feeling like I just needed to get these things off my chest.  If anyone reads this, please pray for me.  I just have a lot to overcome and what seems like not much help. Please feel free to reach out to me if you know me personally.  I would love to hear from you.

I don't have time to edit this right now.  I'll try to do that later.  Maybe I'll add more, not sure.  Either way, thanks for looking in on me and taking the time to find out how I'm doing.

THE PERFECT DAY

 It's nearly 2 a.m. and I just can't come down off of the day I've had...  I'm full of life and energy and am just thankful to God for every aspect of it. So, I got to see a good friend get married to an incredibly compassionate and kind and beautiful sister in the church today.  They both decided independently to go on a mission team from the Seattle church to another city.  It was such a noble task, one they both took on eagerly.  But God also had other plans for them.  "When you take care of God's people, He will also take care of you."

So today I got to be a groomsman in a wedding for the first time in many years.  The day was perfect (IMHO), cool, overcast, but the lighting was perfect for amazing photography.  It was set on American Lake near Tacoma and the views were as stunning as the bride and groom.  It was truly magical. I don't do well in suit jackets, slacks and extremely uncomfortable shoes, but God worked it out!  THAT was truly an answered prayer, just as much as the marriage was magical and unexpected just a year or two ago....

But I can't remember a day when I just laughed so hard.  I just laughed belly laughs of utter delight.  God has been so amazing!  And Joe invited so many people from our former fellowship, so it also turned into almost a family reunion as well!  My heart is well and truly full.  

We also got to watch bald eagles circling over the lake as well as the herons flying by. Utterly magical, beautiful and graceful!  Nature truly reflects God's beauty and perfection!

When I got home after a very long drive home, and taking Eric home as well, I just couldn't (and probably to some extent didn't want to) allow the day to end quite yet.  I'm at peace, I'm so full of joy and I'm so happy for Joe and Selena. Every part of the day was just perfect.  God knew exactly what we all needed and I got all of that in spades!

I'm realizing it's so hard to put into words why I'm so overjoyed by the day, but this was my best attempt to convey this at this pretty ungodly hour.  But I couldn't go to bed without writing down my heart and sharing with anyone who will listen.  I hope the overflow of my heart can fill yours up as well.  There's certainly more than enough for just me!  

Thank you God for the perfect day.  (Photos to follow, prayerfully!)

12th Move in Under 8 Months - The Exhaustion is Real - Back to Seattle

 Hey all and thanks for taking time to catch up with me.  

Before I get into this post, I just want to say that as much as I do feel exhausted, I'm not unhappy.  Just physically spent.  So this is not to meant to complain, just honestly convey the real situation in my life. There is so much to be grateful for, so many lessons learned, so many amazing experiences, and so many incredible people I've had the honor of meeting.

I think in many ways, I feel like the most blessed man in the world.  What an incredible 7.5 months it has been.  Since June 20, 2022, I've lived in four countries, and moved 11 times (tomorrow will be move #12), and I have a lot of thoughts.  Since writing is so therapeutic for me, my hope is that this will help me organize my thoughts and emotions so that I can be more prepared for this move and the next steps that follow.  

So to give you some perspective of how my 2022 was, I need to start my story at the end of 2021. But 2022 started off with me looking for a new car since my purple '99 Accord (Barney) engine blew up on Christmas Day 2021.  So after several weeks of looking, I finally found a suitable replacement in Tacoma, more than an hour away. Thankfully I had my '82 Civic that I could drive to church and shopping locally. But it had a bad wheel bearing, so I didn't trust if for longer distances, like to Tacoma. For that, I actually rented a car, and then when I went down to pick up the new-to-me 1999 Accord, I rode public transport.  At that time, I was having mobility issues so it was quite challenging.  

So after I got the car, four days later someone stole my catalytic converter.  I worked so hard to find it, so I felt very deflated!  I was REALLY struggling.  And when I submitted the claim to my insurance carrier, they had someone investigate me because a claim on a car you've only owned four days raises red flags. This made a bad situation so much harder.   Ugh.  But God blessed my efforts and the insurance company paid the claim and I was able to get the car fixed.

But it became apparent that the car had some other issues that I was pursuing and not finding resolution for.  It was dumping oil, which was burning off the manifold, which is a huge fire hazard.  My '87 Toyota (JJ) actually caught on fire to this very issue several years earlier. I replaced the valve cover gasket, EGR valve, and even broke off a valve cover bolt when reassembling which required a tow and several hundred dollars to fix at the mechanic.  Just to name a few of the major things wrong... but certainly not nearly everything that the car needed.

About the time I got the new car, I found out they were sending out the Berlin mission team.  And that's when the year really started getting busy!  I got in contact with leadership, had a phone conversation, and was green-lighted to join the mission team!  My dream was finally coming true! I was so excited and got busy with all the preparations that needed to be made to get to Europe!

So my job had been unusually busy for many months.  And when I say unusually busy, I mean extremely busy.  Normally, after tax day in April, it tended to quiet down.  Not last year, it just kept going.  Having been in this job for about six years, I knew this was going to be a bit of an issue.  The job is very mentally demanding and when you don't get any rest, it can really wipe you out physically. 

And on top of that, my manager was saying that my numbers needed to improve or I might be let go.  No pressure there.  By the way, though it was true I wasn't meeting the expectation, I was just BARELY not meeting most of the months.  In fact, it was not possible for me to be any closer to meeting, and still not meeting.  The expectation was 95% and I was at 94.76% for three of the months I was not meeting.

Between the stress and exhaustion of the job, I was starting to have concerns about my physical health.  After a particularly rough May, I asked my (new) manager about my status in the job and shared with her what my previous manager had said, that I may be on the chopping block.  She seemed very surprised to hear this.  She said "Your numbers aren't that bad."  Me: I was speechless

In all fairness, I was not trying to get fired, but I was burning out, and fast!  With my health concerns and numbers TANKING, I was hoping they would finally let me go so that I could get unemployment benefits.  When she said my numbers were not that bad, I was astounded....  And I really couldn't function in that environment any longer and quit on the spot.  I don't normally do that, but it was time and my health had to be my first concern.

Then I readied myself to leave for London.

But not before finally having mom's memorial service.  Nearly 2.5 years after her passing, Covid restrictions were finally lifting enough for that to happen.  It was done 11 days prior to her 75th birthday at the church she loved.  It was beautiful, and Roger said that the slide show Anthony Cross helped me put together was the best one he had ever seen.  Fitting for such a special woman.

Then I was in full kind of panic mode.  I had purchased my flight to London for June 20th, my mom's 75th birthday.  I chose this date in honor of her because she felt like when she was sick and I was caring for her, that she was holding me back from my dreams.  I hope that made her happy for me to realize that dream on her special day.

In all honesty, I wasn't anywhere near ready to go when I flew out.  When I left, my stepmom drove over from Eastern Washington to take me to the airport (she offered), I grabbed the things I had packed and left my apartment a TOTAL wreck. Very little cleaning had been done and so much stuff was still left in my little apartment. So. Much. Stuff.

Thankfully Marvell Holder came through for me.  I paid him (and possibly others) $300 to clean out my apartment, so I was able to get back $500 of my $600 deposit!  SOOOO grateful for him doing that, and it helped some people be able to go to our church's Global Leadership Conference a few weeks later. I left the apartment on June 20th, and they had it cleaned about a month later, just before my lease ended. WHEW!!!!!

I also had to sell my cars.  I actually made a fair amount of money on my '82 Civie, but due to a rear main seal leak on the Accord, I had to sell it as a Mechanic's Special. And I LOST MY SHIRT on that deal! Oh well, God is in control....  I also couldn't sell it before I left, so I had Stephen help me sell it, for which I paid him a modest sum.  That was stressful coordinating the sale!  LOL  (But Stephen did a great job!)

LONDON

So I arrived in London, and the brothers (Jurij, Pablo, Aaron, Tosin and Harry) met me at Heathrow! It was the day after mom's 75th birthday when I landed.  It was a beautiful sunny day and I could finally take a bit of a breath from the craziness of the previous months.  At the same time, it was time to get busy.  To start with, there was a rail strike so no trains were running from the airport so we had to grab an Uber.  The wait was over an hour but it was better than the wait some people had.  We dropped off Jurij at his house and then I made my way with the brothers to East Acton.  A place where over the next 7.5 months, I would spend over 4 months with godly men that I will always treasure.

For the first London stint (there were THREE total!), I was there for six weeks before my school started. In the meantime, I visited Berlin for four days with Eelco at the end of July, and even got in a bit of sightseeing.  I also experienced the hottest day ever recorded in England on July 19, 2022 at 103 degrees or 42 C.  I didn't even have a fan.  I wish I was kidding....  

Then I started my schooling which didn't go well (see previous blog entry from August 2022....)

AMSTERDAM

After a few weeks, I was off to Amsterdam.  I fell in love with the city and the church there.  Seriously as much as I loved the London church, I think Amsterdam was maybe even a little more encouraging.  Great disciples there that treated me like a king.  So grateful for my time in Amsterdam.  After a week there, the plan was to go directly to Berlin.  However as Keonte and I were ready to leave for the train station, we asked to stay because the prices of hotels in Berlin was absolutely astronomical due to the Berlin marathon happening in about two weeks.  So at the last minute, we stayed!  In all, I was in Amsterdam for 28 days.  

Then for the first time in over 30 years, I took a train ride to Berlin!  It was so much fun, it was super enjoyable, comfortable and just a great overall experience.  I had to change trains late at night in Duisburg.  Now, I didn't plan it this way, but I crossed the border into Germany EXACTLY 30 years to the day that I left Berlin.  I am certain that was not a coincidence!  

BERLIN!!

But I got to Berlin and eventually to my hotel and I was finally HOME!  I was a very happy (and completely exhausted) camper!  It took a bit for my room to be ready at the hotel, which was a total throwback to communist East Germany.  It looked the part, like it had not changed much in the last 30+ years since the wall fell.  But it was cheap and that's all I cared about. And I slept like a baby after only about 3-4 hours of sleep on the train.

A few days later, Michael and Michelle Williamson came into town and we had dinner with them and I also got some time with them the next day as we spent some time after the mission team members that had already arrived met at the Brandenburg Gate to pray for the city and get a vision for what God wanted to do with us there.

So I had a great time with Michael and Michelle afterward and after lunch we parted company.  Eventually I made it back to the hotel.  That was the end of the encouraging part of the week, as I woke up the next morning very, very ill.  The Williamsons and the Safe-Adewumis returned to London and Amsterdam, respectively on that day.  But I was down.  I don't know for sure if I had Coronavirus or not, but I'm pretty sure I did.  It was awful.  Thankfully I had been immunized and had received two boosters before I left Seattle.  

After three days I could function again, and I was back to normal, more or less, within about a week. Brent Baker was in town from Seattle and I felt bad that I couldn't spend more time with him, but I was just too sick. But we did get some good time together, I even had my first real veal Schnitzel with him! 

So I was about trying to find work.  I had several interviews that went well and even had one company ready to offer me a job, but due to the immigration office taking four months just to get an interview, they had to give the job to someone else.   As an American, I could only be in the European Schengen area for 90 days in a 180 day period. But appointments were about 120 days out or more.  I was starting to see that this was going to be a bit trickier than I had imagined. 

LONDON (#2)

I was in Berlin for 18 days before I had to go back to London for EMC.  Money was starting to get very tight but I enjoyed the conference immensely.  The European churches definitely felt like home!  The disciples were incredibly encouraging.  I was so humbled and encouraged by all they said about me.  I could write an entire post just on the EMC (or European Missions Conference), maybe for another day.

BERLIN (#2)

So the Berlin Mission Team was sent out from the conference and on November 1, we were all on the ground in Berlin!  The single brothers got a hotel room for 8 nights, then we were able to stay at a couple's apartment that were on vacation for two weeks.  It was the three single men and a couple with their 4-year old daughter. But the apartment was quite large and we were able to make it work. 

After that, the single men had to get another hotel room nearby for three nights until we could move into another apartment that we could have for 6 weeks in Neukoelln. Shortly after this move, I got very ill again.  I'm pretty sure it was the Coronavirus as my symptoms were identical to those I had the month before. This time my illness was significantly more severe and thought at one point that I may have to seek treatment, and was ill for 2-3 weeks.

After three weeks in this apartment, my visa was running out so I had to return to London as I was not allowed to stay in the Schengen area any longer. I was still looking for work and I did have an appointment set up with the German Immigration for February 6th, the day after our inaugural service.  I was legally able to return to Germany after January 21st, but didn't have the funds to do so.

LONDON (#3)

So after I left Germany, on December 12th, I returned to London.  Amarli and Tom came to meet me at Heathrow and we made our way back to East Acton. As we were walking from the East Acton Tube station, I had the overwhelming sense of being home, and I shared that often with the disciples in London.  I was able to be an additional two months there.  But by this time I was suffering from severe exhaustion.

LONDON AND REASON FOR MY RETURN TO THE STATES

So what it had boiled down to for me was simply exhaustion.  I was just not prepared for the physicality of being on a mission team.  I really didn't know how much I could handle and I believed I could, but my body told me otherwise.  I also think that possibly having contracted three very serious illnesses in as many months may have also been a factor.

Also, a year ago (February 2022), I was in very bad physical shape.  I couldn't walk more than two blocks without significant back pain and writhing agony all over my body.  It was very bad.  I'm convinced that being in Europe for the last nearly 8 months that God literally and figuratively saved my life.  No question about it.  I could do 10,000 steps every day which was unthinkable physically for me a year ago. 

And this is not a criticism AT ALL, because all parties that I lived with in my time in Europe were TOTAL and COMPLETE blessings.  But I lived in three different places in Amsterdam, five places in Berlin and stayed three separate times in the brothers' household in London.  Once again, I'm so grateful to God to have been so well cared-for by God and my spiritual family, but ultimately, the constant moving caused me severe physical fatigue that in part caused struggles in other areas of my life.

Leadership in London and Berlin believed it would be best for me to return to the US, since they could not make the mission field any less physical for me.  They encouraged me that I needed physical and spiritual healing, as well as the fact that it would be much easier to find work while being near physical and spiritual family again.

So that's the story.  That's why I had to return.  I'm still hurting in those ways, however it has gotten noticeably better.  Please pray for me as I rebuild my heart and my relationships, including my relationship with God.  I'm committed to being successful, but your prayers would be hugely appreciated.  God has already blessed my time here immensely.  

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I'll end with a funny story.  So as I was making my plane reservations, it was a non-refundable ticket.  I thought it was for Monday or Tuesday, but when I hit buy, it came back with a message, something to the effect of 12/2 (February 12th).  For a moment, I was unsure what it meant, but either way, it was a non-refundable ticket and there wasn't anything I could do about it.  So on Thursday night, I said my good-byes to the Bible Talk and some of the leader brothers came over on Saturday night to say good bye as well because I wasn't going to be able to be at church on Sunday.  

So when Sunday morning rolled around, I was getting ready for my flight, but it wouldn't let me check in.  I was getting a bit frustrated and looked at my booking.  Sure enough, I was flying on February 12th, I was flying on the 14th!  I was so excited because even though it was 9:28 a.m., I had JUST enough time to catch an Uber to church!  It made me really appreciate being at a service of the London ICC.  (If you have never gone to one of their services, it's incredible!) I was actually a little bit early if you can believe it!  I had to explain to everyone that I marked the wrong day and that I still had two full days in London! It was a little bit embarrassing, but it was totally worth it!! 

On my last full day in London, I was blessed with being able to spend time with the Sirotkins.  They had given a very powerful communion lesson the day before and they allowed me to get time with them.  What a great way to spend my last full day in the UK!  Thank you both for allowing me that incredible opportunity! I love you guys!

Any way, if you made it to the end here, thank you!  Until next time, thank you for visiting my blog.