Grateful

I was thinking today about my life over the last year.  In 8 days, it will be 1 year since I left for Germany. Man, what a year it has been!  Joys and sorrows, victories and defeats, challenges, friendships, etc....

I was thinking about all the people that have helped me.  Not merely financial, but with friendship, rides, a ready ear or shoulder to cry on, moral support, working on my computer, buying me items I needed, making me dinner, helping me move, working on my house in Spokane, and so many other ways.

I'm very humbled by the outpouring of love and support from so many amazing people.  I realized the sheer number of people that have been there for me, followed my story and served me and supported me, it's STAGGERING. I'm so blown away by your eagerness to help and your generosity!

If you are reading this and you are one of those many who have loved and served me, thank you.  Sincerely, thank you from the bottom of my heart.  If anything good ever comes out of this wreck of a human being, you will be a part of that.  My hope is that someday I can pay it back, or pay it forward for you.  Either way, I'm very excited and grateful for the part you have played in my life to love me, encourage me and help me.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

Matthew 25:40 -- "The king will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."  (Jesus speaking)

Perspective

As I was on the bus yesterday, I had a chance to think about some things.  On my way to the bus stop, which was only about 6 blocks, I was already starting to get some pain in my foot. Not horrible pain, but enough to cause me to limp a little bit.  I just felt like I was being pushed to the limit in more ways than just physically.  I have to be honest, I was starting to feel really exasperated with this, and some of the other challenges I feel I have been facing.

So I was thinking "where is God in all this, and why doesn't he see my suffering?"  I don't have questions like that very often, but it got me thinking.  First of all I believe nothing eludes God.  He sees everything, he knows everything.  He knows my strengths just as well as he knows my weaknesses.  He is constantly there beside me every minute.  I sort of liken it to helping your child ride a bike for the first time without the training wheels.  You give them a push and then you guide them for a bit, then you slowly release them and let them ride on their own.

Sometimes there are some things that we just need to push through.  They don't make sense, and the only thing you really have control over is your attitude and how you respond to things.  These are the times that show you what your character really is.  And just so there's no confusion, I am FAR from perfect in my responses to my challenges at times.  There are times I get frustrated or angry, sometimes I may even become impatient or unloving to someone because I feel overwhelmed, but I always try to say sorry to God and to anyone I have hurt.

So this is what I came up with.  No matter what I have to deal with, God is there. He is keenly aware of my circumstances.  Maybe he even sets them up.  Either way, challenges are not a bad thing.  Let me repeat that...  Challenges are NOT a bad thing. In fact, I think they do just the opposite: they build character.  So what I have determined is that our challenges are not just "not bad", but maybe they're perfectly set up for what we need to change in our characters.  This kind of blew me away when I really considered this.  How many obstacles am I willing to fight through to see my dreams realized?

Satan is a liar and a dream-stealer.  Again it comes down to that good vs. evil battle.  God is always cheering us on and Satan is just jeering us on, trying to convince us we can't do it, that it's too hard, or maybe even impossible.  He wants us to give up, give in, or worse yet, be in sin (anger, acting out, sexual sin, etc.).  In the book of Revelation, it talks about overcoming (in 2011, the NIV was changed so that it now says "victorious" instead of "overcomes"), 9 times it says to him who "overcomes" (or who "is victorious") and then it talks about the reward we receive for remaining faithful to the end.

I would like to encourage you that whatever challenges you are currently facing, don't be discouraged.  God knows your situation, he knows your heart and he will take care of your needs. But God wants you to grow through them, and to forgive if it deals with others that have hurt you. I believe God has found you worthy of suffering so that you can become even better.  Your only other choice is bitterness.  My prayer for myself and for you is that we choose wisely, seek counsel from spiritual advisors and trust God through it all.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.   -- James 1:2-4

Enjoy your weekend! Ciao for now!

Started Working and Moving Tomorrow!

Well, it's 10:30pm and I'm really exhausted, but actually very happy. I'm staying at a brothers' household near Northgate so I can get to work more quickly and easily than from the north sound. We had Bible Talk tonight which ended up just being a big dinner together and a small birthday celebration.  Got to meet some new people and have some great fellowship.

So yesterday was difficult because I moved out of my mom's house and into this brother's house for two nights.  I wanted to take a minute to just say that I am so grateful to my mom for putting up with me these last 2 1/2 months. Thank you for allowing me to be there, even though I know it wasn't easy for you.  Thank you for giving me a room, the use of your car (and remote, LOL) .... I am so amazed by your unconditional heart of love for me. I am forever in your debt.

 But part of this opportunity is that I am able to move forward in my life. Now that I am working, I can now make the move closer to the city and to the disciples after a year without living with other Christians.  I am so excited for tomorrow because I get to move into my new room with a disciple couple here that I have known for a very long time. I feel like I can truly make this place my home, and also be able to spend time with them, they said they wanted it to feel like we are family. I am TOTALLY down with that!!!

As luck would have it however, I apparently have to make life difficult for myself.  I was bringing some of my stuff down to the interim new house and left my cell phone in mom's car when I took it back to her last night, and didn't realize it until I was walking up to the house in Seattle, 25 miles away.  Now that I don't have a car to use, I couldn't just go get it.  I'm glad I am going back tomorrow to pick up the rest of my stuff so that I can get it back, too.  I had to be at work this morning at 6:30 a.m. and didn't have the phone to use as an alarm clock. Not to mention that I couldn't reach the brother who was going to help me move tomorrow.  Got it worked out now, but I really goofed that one up!  

I would also like to ask for your prayers.  I am very excited for the job I got!  Right now, I am training four days in an area of the hotel where I need to do a lot of standing.  With prior beds I have been sleeping in and some other factors, I am starting to have significant back and foot pain.  I can usually last a couple of hours, but by the end of the day, I'm completely sapped and in pain.  I moved yesterday and am moving again tomorrow and just feel completely exhausted.  Please pray for my body to hold out for the next few days so that I can get past this physically challenging time for me.

God has really blessed me with an amazing job.  I'm excited to have a new living situation that will help me be closer to brothers and sisters, and will make it considerably easier for me to get to church on Sundays without having people have to drive 15 miles out of their way to come pick me up.  But I won't have a car and I'm a little concerned about what that will look like. Either way, from this area of Seattle, it won't be nearly as difficult.  But I'm trying not to take control back by going into debt to buy a car, I'm praying for God to help me find a free car.  All I can do is pray, God will have to make the decision to bless it or not.  Either way, I'm trying not to stress over it.

The blog post was short tonight, but I am well and truly wiped out.  I'm looking forward to a nice long sleep tonight and hope to be up bright and early to get ready for my move.  Thanks for all your support and love and please pray with me for God to open a door for me to be able to return to Germany. Thanks to all who have helped me, driven me around, helped me with cash, etc.  I'm very grateful for all of you.  Good night all!

Finally Got a Job!!!

I think I'm in a bit of shock right now.  I was just offered a job today at the hotel that I was hoping for.  I'm so grateful for this opportunity and am so excited to get started!!  I have to be honest, I was so burnt out from trying to find a job, I think I am going to try to stay put for a while. Still have to do a few things before I can get a start date, but hopefully they won't take too long.

I am so excited as I will be working in downtown Seattle for the first time in almost 20 years! I can't wait to start, as I haven't had a full-time job (except the job search) since February of last year. Granted, I was busy with a ton of stuff last year, which kind of felt like a full time job, but this is way better, because I will be getting paid!  Yay!!!

Well, I'm going to leave it at that for now, I just wanted to update everyone with the news. Have a great week, everyone!

Blood Brother

Coming to you today from the Snohomish Public Library....  I definitely have a lot on my heart today, still going through a roller coaster of emotions and challenges, but am inspired by a movie I saw last night, Blood Brother.  First of all, if you haven't seen this movie, I very strongly encourage you to see it.  It is one of the most inspiring and deep films I have ever seen.  I think every human being needs to watch this show, it will change your life.

Shortly after I left Spokane last year, they had a screening of the film there and I was unable to see the movie.  After I left Berlin, they had a showing there as well.  But pretty much as soon as I arrived in Seattle, the church announced that they would be showing the movie here and I was able to watch it last night, at long last!

I had no idea how this movie would rock my world.  It starts out showing this brother in our sister church in Pittsburgh going to India to serve the poor there.  He absolutely fell in love with the people and the culture and it became a large part of his heart.  But then he was forced to return to the US due to his visa being denied. (Sound familiar?)

You could tell in his mannerisms when his best friend picked him up at the airport how he was not encouraged to come back.  You could see the struggle and "deflation" as he was getting situated back in his life in the states.  He made a couple comments that have really stuck with me.  First he said that he wanted to return to India and he felt like nobody could relate with his situation or his love for this place.  He said "I know my desire and I feel confident of it." (That is not a direct quote, but the idea is there).

I can relate with the deflation and feelings of self-doubt that he felt.  I love Seattle, but as much as I love this city and the people in it, my heart is still in Berlin.  I miss the people, the good times I have had there and the city.  I have been thinking a lot of my situation the past month and a half since I have been home, and to try to process what God is trying to teach me through my being here.  The answers still aren't clear, but I am sure of one thing.  I know God is with me, and he is not punishing me.

To those of you who have been following this blog or who know me personally and also don't understand what is going on in my life, I don't either.  But I would like to be clear in this:  I am not perfect (that's not news) and I have made a lot of mistakes on this journey.  But one thing I am totally confident of is that I have made every effort to make good decisions all along the way, even before I left Spokane.  I haven't made those decisions for you or anyone else, but I do make them with sobriety before God, taking into consideration how He would feel about them, acknowledging the prayers he has answered in my life and his promises.  I take into consideration my situation, how those decisions might impact others, possible spiritual and financial consequences, and I try to always get advice from spiritual men and women in my life as I make them.

I do not make these decisions in haste or flippantly.  At times I agonize over them, and often those decisions may not always make "sense" to others.  But I do absolutely make them in faith and I sometimes even experience some consequences of them.  I have had to humble myself constantly, respect how others might view them (right or wrong), pray about it, and move forward. I don't claim to know what God's plan is, but I know where I want to be and what I want to do in the future.  I have sacrificed a great deal for those things and I strive to continue toward those goals.  I don't believe that God has said "no" to my dreams. So my journey continues.

Not unexpectedly, my dream is to return to Germany.  Whether that is in two months, two years or in 20 years, I believe I will go back.  Germany is where I was born and where in high school and college I grew up, became a man, and had my first relationships.  It's where I bought my first car, had my first apartment and my first jobs.  I came to love the German people, culture and even their food with all of my heart.  You can't take that away from me and I hope you can respect that.  I have a passion for Germany, it's the deepest part of my heart.

But I realize now that I have to wait.  I'm not sure for how long, but I do have to wait.  Waiting is not fun and I would rather have the answers right now, but that is not usually how God works.  In the meantime, please pray for me to give my heart here for as long as I need to, and pray for there to be a clear opportunity for me to return soon.

I was talking to a brother on the phone the other day who I have not spoken with in about a year.  It's someone I have known for a number of years and I respect him deeply.  He was telling me about some things he was thinking of, specifically how he could give more and be more effective with his giving.  He gives his tithe to the church but he wants to meet more personal needs with what God has given him.  I was very inspired by this and encouraged him that this was a very mature and loving thing.

There are so many personal needs in this world and there is a huge demand for people to take time to consider how they can personally help others, whether it is with money, time or strength.  It doesn't have to just be money, some people just need to have someone they can talk to, someone to help them move, fix their car, cook for them, etc.  I believe God wants us to use the talents and material goods he has given us for the encouragement of others.  And serving is good for our own hearts as well.

So that was definitely the theme of this movie I watched last night.  I don't want to give it away, because the images and principles in the film are much more powerful than any words I can write here.  But what the film does show is one person's selflessness, his constant humility, even putting himself in danger for the service of others, where the recipients of his service are not able to give back to him, except for their love.  It's an incredibly powerful message!

I have heard the movie is now out on DVD, however I don't know how widely available it is, but I was able to find it on amazon, here's the link to rent or purchase: http://www.amazon.com/Blood-Brother-Rocky-Braat/dp/B00H8ZODXA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1393702156&sr=8-1&keywords=Blood+Brother

_______________________________________

I have also been encouraged by a few people in the past few months to finish writing my book.  I was so excited to get the Introduction done a couple months back, but unfortunately, it was lost when my laptop crashed a month or two ago.  I think I may wait until the end to re-write it.  For some reason, God allowed it to get irretrievably lost, so maybe it was the message that He wanted it to convey...  Maybe after writing the book, the purpose will be somewhat clearer or even slightly different than my current vision.  Either way, I need to move past the things that I have no control over, to things that I do have "control" over.

Also, please pray for me as I have an interview on Monday for a job with a major company here in the Seattle area.  It looks like it would be a great fit for my experience and skills and am very excited to market myself to them.

I was extremely anxious about a situation this week and felt I could not have a conversation with the other person involved. Long story.   Fortunately, God worked it out so that we did, in fact, have a conversation.  It was remarkably fruitful and it annihilated my anxiety!  It was the first step in a series of events this week that have helped me to have the energy to deal with other things that just weren't getting done.  It's been a very productive week and I hope this is a sign of even better things to come....

I was also able to get health insurance this week and to continue to get food stamp assistance.  It's hard for me to ask for this kind of help, but I just couldn't put it off any longer.  The process was relatively quick and simple and I was grateful I took the time to do it.  Thanks, God!  Let's just hope I don't need those services for very long.  I'm so ready to get back to work!!!

Well, I think that's enough for today.  Thanks for checking up on me and I hope to have a job soon.  Thanks for your prayers and support!