Ugh...
I'm so totally exhausted tonight. It's almost 11p.m. and I wanted to catch you up on "what's up with Tim." It's a wild ride!
I'm kind of a hero...
Let me explain.
I quit my job.
Two weeks ago I gave my notice at work and today was my last day. I don't think I could have done it for one more day. I cleaned out my desk in June 2024 so this day was a very long time coming. I've been on a "final" warning at work since May 2024. (I've gotten FOUR of those, the last one being in March of this year)
But I just couldn't go on.
When I came back from Europe in February 2023, I needed to find work. God gave me this job just in time and I've been with the same place since April of that year. I'm VERY grateful for it! The job was okay, the company seemed good. It was customer service for a small local credit union. Call center.... (I know, right?) There was a lot to learn and I enjoyed aspects of the job immensely. Especially the people, well most of them any way. And I do love helping people.
Now, I really love people but I've had some pretty bad experiences at this job. I had two people act inappropriately to me and I had to have my manager deal with that. My manager was amazing, and we had great rapport. When we said good-bye today, I could tell it was as hard for him as it was to me.
But one of the other managers was bad. Like reeeeally bad. I've had some pretty bad managers in my career, and she was definitely one of the more difficult to deal with. No matter how she spoke with me (and I am confident her manager had to speak with her on several occasions about how she treated me at times.), I always tried to have something nice to say to her. At times, I would compliment her on something she was wearing, or go out of my way to cheerily wish her a good morning.
I even defended her during a time when she had to take on the responsibilities of another manager who was temporarily reassigned. But honestly, most days I was content to not have to interact with her, sometimes I just didn't have the strength (more on that later). She seems to be a pretty unhappy person, which usually stems from having to endure some rough times in her life. I sincerely hope she's okay. But I'm also glad to be away from that negativity to be honest.
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While in Europe I caught Covid in October, November, and December of 2022. I was sick over Christmas and by the new year, I just felt steam-rolled physically. I caught it two more times over the next year, for a grand total of 5 times by February 2024. I decided to talk to my doctor because I was starting to have a lot of dull pain and weakness in my legs. He said that was a classic symptom of Long Covid. I had pain or weakness all over my body. But I had to go on. I had bills to pay! You can't just go lay down.
So since a few weeks before starting my job at the credit union, I had already begun driving for Door Dash, which I really enjoy! It's therapeutic, I can drive around, listen to the radio and get a little bit of movement in. Certainly much better than just sitting around in my apartment watching videos or something sedentary, which is what I would normally do.
From February 2024 and throughout that year, my health just kept getting worse and worse and by December, I was barely functional. My doctor put me on a regimen that didn't seem like it was related to Long Covid, but the treatment helped me out tremendously. Also during this time, he also recommended that I take some time off on short term disability, which lasted for about 3.5 months.
I continued to Door Dash during this time, but could usually only do 2-3 hours before I was just absolutely spent. I fought hard during this time to stay as active with that as I could.
There are also many other major challenges that I have had to overcome during the last couple of years, but I want to finish this post, so I'll refrain from mentioning everything. God knows how hard I have worked and how much I've had to sacrifice and endure.
So I've been working 2 jobs for 3 years now, sometimes even seven days a week. While I'm sick. I'm 56 now, still morbidly obese (I'm down to 390), and have striven to make it to as many church events as I feel I could do. But I missed SO many.
But God has helped me to fight through all of these challenges. Sometimes your test becomes a testimony to others. And conversely, sometimes it's easy to think I'm just struggling too much, so how can God use me when I'm like this? But God does use us, especially in our weaknesses (2 Cor. 12).
And we can be heroes when other people hear those testimonies. When people feel like they're not alone, and that are inspired to see others overcome challenges through God.
But now is my time to heal. And rebuild. Not like sleep for a week rest, just 7-8 hours a night, with a disciplined schedule of spiritual and physical activities, as well as diet. I'll be a new man!
And I'm hoping to do a little road trip soon, not sure when, but I have faith God will allow it. For now, I just need to rebuild my physical and mental health, but most of all, my relationship with God. I'm starting new good habits, eating in a way that will help my body heal and cause healthy weight loss. I have a big weight loss goal by the end of the year. I'll share my results at that time.
But for the first time in a while I feel hope. Real hope. That makes all the difference when life feels so heavy, and you're so busy that it feels like I can't breathe. I've lost a bit of myself during these last few years, and I've been praying for God to allow me to become that person again. I can already see progress there. Hope is a powerful thing!
Tonight, I'm just exhausted, but in the coming days, progress will be made in the areas I have determined to be the most important for my spiritual and physical life. And moving on from those, I'm excited to see how God blesses the next step in my career!
This is a HUGE step of faith for me. I feel confident and excited to see how God blesses this time. Yes, it's a little bit scary, but I've prayed so much about it, gotten many advisors, and have made a plan for my schedule, budget and have detailed many pros and cons. But practically, I don't feel like I have many other options right now. But that doesn't make me unhappy to put myself firmly in the arms of the most powerful and loving being that has ever existed. Now I just have to make sure to diligently do my part. Please pray for me.
Tomorrow will be amazing. Thank you, God for this opportunity, please help me to not squander it!
And now rest awaits my weary body. Good night friends and brothers!
