Trials... but Finally, Peace!

I'm feeling a bit melancholy tonight, but pensive.  There is a whole lot of Berlin in my head tonight. Honestly, it might just be that I'm exhausted after working 8 days straight, but when I get like this, I love to write, just put my thoughts into words and put them on (digital) paper. :)

This has been a very significant week for me.  As you know if you read this blog, that I've struggled quite a bit in the past 7 months (I'm not going to even address that I've been back in Seattle for that long right now). I feel like God has helped me get past the majority of my challenges, but there are still several significant hurdles still to overcome.  Deep breath....

So, a week ago, I sort of hit my point where I just couldn't take any more.  I shared that previous Saturday with my purity group that I was finally starting to feel hopeful with my job.  My one colleague had just returned from nearly two months leave, they hired a supervisor, and they had just hired a new person who was to start sometime last week.  I thought to myself, "that's FOUR people in my department!"   I was very encouraged!

Unfortunately, I had no idea how short lived this would would be.

That same Saturday afternoon, just hours after I shared my hopefulness, my co-worker informed me that she quit and two days later, she would be starting her new job! She had been back for FIVE days! Of course she shared that at the beginning of my shift, and for the rest of the day, I was just emotionally numb.  I had the next two days off to process it all.  Then, when I returned to work the next Tuesday (a week ago), I was talking to my new manager, who I really like, and he confirmed that the new hire had also decided to take another job and wouldn't be coming in.

I was devastated and angry.  I asked him about the raise that we had been discussing over the past month or two and he said he just couldn't get management to budge.  Now I was pissed. I looked him straight in the eye and told him, "I will also be looking for another job."  He said he understood.

He left my office and about an hour later, I decided to go in and chat with the general manager of the hotel.  I went to her office and she wasn't there.  As I was walking back to my office, I noticed the general manager, the HR manager and my manager were all in the HR manager's office and they motioned for me to come in.  I sat down there and they finally admitted that the wage I have been earning is "on the low end" of the market.  They offered me $1.50 per hour more, but I also asked for retroactive pay, especially because I have run that department alone for over 4 months while I trained.  I told them they have clearly saved a ton of money on salaries....

They nixed the retroactive pay, but they did give me an additional 50 cents per hour.  My manager stood up for me again!!!!  This guy is great!

I still am going to be seeking a new job, however.  They told me when I got the job that I would try to give me Sundays off and once again, they have reneged on another promise.

So, I tell this story not only because I'm excited about a raise, but that I'm tired.  I'm tired of having to fight and fight and still not feel like the work I do is really appreciated.  I finally stopped getting angry, I stopped feeling frustrated, I just felt peace and determined that I just need to get out of a really toxic situation. I really love the people I work with, they've been super supportive and encouraging to me personally.  But, either way, I don't know how to underscore how important it has been for me to have peace again, it has changed my perspective and I'm getting happy again!

The stress of this job is really making me into someone that I don't like.  I don't like being angry, frustrated, sad and feeling so low all the time.  So, I'm excited to start looking for work again, and to hopefully find something back in the insurance field.  The economy is pretty good here in Seattle, so I'm hopeful that I can find something.

God has definitely allowed me to be pushed me to my limits.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it is unpleasant.  My heart is still sold out for God, despite a lot of struggling the past few months and really struggling to pray, read my Bible, etc.  I have been having great daily prayers, especially for Berlin and my good friend Christoph there.  I got an email from him a few days back , absolutely made my day.  Man, I miss that brother so much.  There are few people in this world that know my heart better than he does.

Also, Scott Green has been here in Seattle for the past six weeks and I was hoping to get some time with him before he returned to Berlin yesterday.  I was grateful for about 10 minutes with him before church Sunday before I had to head out to work. I was encouraged even though we didn't get time to get into depth, but it was good nonetheless.  I have to be completely honest, I'm a bit envious that he's back there now....  So I continue to pray.

Something also happened on the day I got the raise, the email from Christoph and some time with another brother here.  There was a guy I went to high school with that got an extra copy of the yearbook from my senior year of high school. When I left Berlin in 1993, I had to put about 12 boxes in storage with my landlady.  Apparently sometime in the next two years, all my boxes with my photo albums, souvenirs from my travels all over Europe, and everything else, was stolen.  No yearbooks, no photos, only what I was able to bring home in two suitcases and a carry-on bag, which obviously wasn't much...

Anyway, this classmate was offering to give it away, and had a taker shortly before I saw the facebook post. The girl who had responded before me read my comment that all my yearbooks from high school had been stolen, and she very generously told the other classmate that she wanted me to have it.  After such a great day, this brought me to tears.  No, actually I wept.  Before I moved to Berlin last year, I prayed that I would be able to somehow locate some of these items that were stolen while I was there.  So even though it was not actually MY yearbook, it was THE yearbook from my senior year and I absolutely believe it was an answered prayer, thank you God!!!

Of course, I took time and looked through the whole thing the first night.  Wow, what memories it brought back.  I hadn't seen this yearbook since 1992.  What a gift!!! I'm very humbled to have a copy of it again!

As I look at my life right now, I do wonder how I got here.  Listening to "Safe and Sound" from the band Capital Cities on Spreeradio, thinking of Scott and Lynne in Berlin, getting ready to Skype with Katja tomorrow morning, my heart is definitely in Berlin right now.  I miss it so much, I can't wait for the day when I can come back to see this amazing city and to fall into its loving arms again, this time hopefully permanently!  Please let it be so, God!

I still have a lot to overcome, but I'm doing well.  I can say that confidently for the first time in months.  Please pray for me to get a job in the insurance field.  I have lots of bills to catch up on and my car needs some work, too.  Either way, I am grateful that you decided to take the time to read up on what's up with Tim.   Have a great week!