I'm not sure if I mentioned this in my previous posts, but when that brother was here from another church, he was surprised by how many people I knew at the conference. He asked me why I was having such a hard time making friendships here in Seattle when I know so many people. What occurred to me was something that was preached that very morning in the men's service. It's not about friendships (acquaintances?), it's about brotherhood.
There was a Ted Talk by a guy named Sebastian Junger (I don't know who this is, but maybe you do) and he said that the reason that veterans miss the war is not because it's exciting, in fact, it's just the opposite. They remember the camaraderie, that they had to be like family to protect each other and they had to become like brothers. Mr. Junger talks about one traumatized veteran in the video who tells someone that he misses just about everything about war. Mr. Junger says the guys not a psychopath, but says "I think that what he missed is brotherhood... connection to the other men he was with." (Link to this Ted Talk at the bottom.)
Since becoming a Christian in 1993, I have felt that camaraderie, but since I just moved back, and with the intensity of my situation, I have simply not had the energy to put as much effort into relationships as I would have liked. I don't honestly know if that's just all my fault, or if there should be any expectation for others to give a crap about me or others. It might be both, but I don't really know...
So, something happened last night that really shows why I feel this way. A brother came to me and very sincerely asked me how I was doing. I am really trying not complain, nobody likes a Debbie Downer, but I was honest and just trying to be open. I said that I felt challenged by my current job and health situations and described a bit of how it's been affecting me. But at the end of about a 5 minute conversation it was very obvious that he was ready to get away.
I'm not sure how to feel about it. Maybe it was just too much for him to deal with. What is it with people? Why can't they deal with others challenges? I wasn't asking him to fix it, I was just trying to be open. This makes me really sad. This world needs help and I'm concerned that Christians can't even listen to someone who is struggling. There is something terribly wrong here.
Last week I had a discussion with another brother who was very quick to tell me everything I was doing wrong. Not that he was incorrect, but this is someone I consider a friend. There was no "Hey, I'm concerned about you. What's going on?" It was just "You need to....". Where is the compassion? Where is the desire to figure out what the disease is, not just deal with the symptoms? We're never going to make an impact in people's lives that way.
I felt like despite the fact that the past few months have been extremely challenging for me, I was made to feel like the bad guy. And you know, that's just not okay. Jesus had compassion on people because they were overwhelmed. At the end of the conversation, we both agreed that we had areas in which we need to grow and I'm sure we'll need to have additional conversations, but this is the kind of thing that I have been dealing with.
I don't typically shy away from having those "hard talks", but lately it has been significantly more difficult for me. But I have been noticing something in reading the Bible lately. I was reading in Jonah and I realized that when God spoke to Jonah, he asked him a lot of questions. Even when Jonah was just totally rebellious and even in sin, God didn't rebuke him, he just asked him questions to help him to see that God's way is better.
I think I might study this out a bit, just read more scripture (especially in the Old Testament where God speaks literally a bit more), to see if this is a pattern. I strongly suspect it is.
So I do have some good news in the area of friendships. In the past couple weeks, I have gotten a chance to spend time with a number of people; some that I knew from Spokane and some new friends here. I've had some great conversations (and one poor brother that did have to hear some more negative stuff. Sorry about that, bro.) Either way, I feel like I have found some people that I can really be encouraged to be friends with (and I will continue to pursue those other friendships as well.)
So, two weeks ago at our men's midweek service, Jay had us get into random groups and discuss 1 Thessalonians 3, and the charge was to find out what we can pray for each other about. Now, I have to be honest, I really didn't follow through praying for the others in my group (just didn't feel like I had the ability to add another thing on right now. Sorry). But I do know that others had been praying for me specifically for relationships in Seattle. I definitely feel like this is an answer to all those prayers, but continued prayers in this area would be greatly appreciated!
If you would like to watch that Ted Talk, here it is. It's about 13 minutes long, but well worth it. At the conference, they started the video at about the 8 minute mark, and that is where the great quotes began.
http://www.ted.com/talks/sebastian_junger_why_veterans_miss_war
Here are a couple more quotes from the Ted Talk that I find especially inspirational: "Friendship happens in society" where it really doesn't matter how you feel about other people. "Brotherhood has nothing to do with how you feel about the other person. It's a mutual agreement... where you put the welfare and safety of the group above your own. In effect, you're saying 'I love these other people more than I love myself.'"
Even though we are not at war, we are fighting a battle for our own souls. Every day, we have to decide to do the right thing or not. Sometimes we do the right thing, but nobody ever does it perfectly every time. I feel most days, especially recently, that I mess up more than most. Either way, I know I need God. He's made that abundantly clear to me in the past few months. I need you, and you need me if we call ourselves Christians.
So let's work together to build one another up, let's give each other the benefit of the doubt and then take steps to work harder together to help each other get to heaven. Colossians 1:28-29 - We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me."
So I think that's it for today, thanks for listening to me rant. Have a great day!
:-)
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