I was super encouraged on September 30th, that my good friend Jürgen from Berlin was in town for almost two weeks! I was super excited to see him and speak some German and just see how he and everyone is doing back in Berlin. I picked him up at the airport and we did a little bit of sightseeing, including downtown Seattle, the troll and Gasworks Park. God provided a really nice Fall day for it and it was great to hang out with him. We ended up at a really cool little coffee shop in Greenwood, not too far from where I live. He also got to meet my car, which I named after him, I named my Toyota "Jürgen Jägerschnitzel". He seemed to really like the car and the car didn't seem to mind him either. LOL. Here's a picture of them together (and I can't tell you how encouraged I was to be able to take this shot):
He also stayed the night in the guest room of the house where I am living (thanks Dave and Francis!) and unfortunately I had to be at work at 10 a.m. the next morning, so we didn't have a long time to hang out, but it was great. I'm really grateful for him, he's also been trying to help me find opportunities to serve somehow in the ministry in Berlin, but nothing yet. I really appreciate that because I know he believes in my ability to serve in that way. Thanks brother!
I also took him to Ikea (I was running errands on my day off and dragged him with me) and since we were both hungry, we grabbed some food at the restaurant there. I had never had their meatballs and he had crawfish (I didn't know you could get such a thing there....). Then we went to Wal-Mart in Renton, which I figure that Germans are generally aware of the sort of interesting people that go there, and I thought that particular store would give us a good possibility of seeing that type of thing (I used to live in Renton, so no judgment).
Actually, the most interesting thing was watching the German trying to take in the vast selection of products there. He would spend time looking at individual products so we unfortunately spent a bit more time there than originally planned. Then we went to the Museum of Flight but didn't have enough time to do it properly (spent too much time at Wally World) and it was too expensive as well. Then we went downtown to meet Lynda and some of her family.
On the Sunday night before he left, there was a going-away party for him, where he volunteered to be grillmaster. I figured that since Germans were generally not as fluent in the language of grilling, I would show him how to cook the steaks more or less to order. They turned out pretty good (or at least that's what people said.) :) It was hard to say "Auf Wiedersehen" to my friend again, but was so glad to have the opportunity to spend such great time with him! Thanks for coming and for making time for me!!!
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So, a few weeks ago, I had to go back to Spokane for the first time in almost a year and a half. This was a very hard thing for me because when I left there, I feel like I had to shake off some things that I had experienced there. If I can be completely honest about it, I was very happy to leave last year. Please don't misunderstand me, I have some very dear friends there that I miss terribly and keep in touch with regularly, but the last few years I was there was extremely challenging for me and I was discouraged, and found it difficult to find my place there.
As I was driving with my friends toward the city, I got very emotional. I told the people I was riding with that I felt like I was "returning to my abuser." I was serious, and I was nearly in tears. I had so many wonderful memories of Spokane in the 10.5 years I was there, but I was so unhappy there. I was grateful for the dream to go to Germany, otherwise I might still be there, struggling. I'm sorry if I offend anyone living there, but that is how I felt. (Please keep reading).
I ultimately had gone there to do some work on my house that could have been a serious issue. Thankfully, it was minor, and I was able to make the repairs, take a quick look at the property (it looked AMAZING!!) and was able to really enjoy the weekend with friends. The weather was beautiful and Ryan and Sara and I went out to Coeur d'Alene to just enjoy the really beautiful day. It was really nice! As I left, I realized that Spokane really wasn't so bad, in fact, the city and the surrounding areas are very beautiful!
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Coming back to Seattle, I was reminded how much I love the beach. So, lately I have been trying to go enjoy some time at the water's edge, praying. It's been so nice to breathe in the salty, cool air, and enjoying the scenery and the wildlife. I decided that I wanted to go to the beach at Carkeek Park, which is the closest one to my house. I found it on Monday and actually found parking. It was a beautiful day 74F/25C and it was incredible. Unfortunately, I didn't get much alone time because the place was packed, but it was nice. I went back on Wednesday and even though it was overcast, I had the beach almost all to myself! It was about 62F/17C, and there wasn't much wind, so it was very comfortable.
I had a great prayer time and even once, as I was praying, I was looking out about 30-40 feet in the water and there was a small gray seal with his head popped out of the water, looking right at me. I was fumbling to get my phone to try to get a picture of him, but he ducked back underwater before I could get my camera going. He popped up once more a few seconds later, but couldn't get a shot of him before he went back under. What a great surprise! I saw a seal one other time like this about 15 years ago when I was kayaking in the San Juan Islands, I love seeing wildlife like that!
I have decided that I really need to spend more time at the beach, whenever I can. I really love it there. I love sitting on a log, praying, taking in the scenery and the fresh air. It's really amazing. I can really feel connected to God there....
So, back to the title of this post.... Lately, I have been feeling much better. After about two months of just struggling, feeling physically overwhelmed, and in a lot of pain after my fall in June, I had a pretty unpleasant summer. I have been super encouraged that we have been still having nice weather since I missed a good portion of the summer this year because I was not able to do much physically.
After Jürgen's visit, I have been feeling much more encouraged and inspired to continue in my goal to try to return to Germany. I really miss it and the people there a lot. You may be thinking, "Tim, what are you thinking? Get over it!" I understand why you would think that, but I am equally as committed to that dream and I will only do it when God makes it abundantly clear. I'm not going to be irresponsible about trying to return. I'll leave it at that for now.
A German friend of mine from Spokane sent me a link to a series of videos put out by the Berlin tourist bureau, and I got through 4 or 5 of them (short videos), and I was sobbing uncontrollably. I have also been very emotional while listening to another song that talks about removing yourself from a stagnant situation to follow your dreams. While the title of the song is French, it's a German song. It's called Au Revoir by Mark Forster. I cry every time I hear this song.
What's your favorite thing? What makes you happy? What would your life be incomplete without? For me, that's Germany and things German. I feel like the U.S. is just a stopover, and I'm just waiting for my chance to go back. Berlin feels like home now. There's another song by Adel Tawil called Zuhause. The title means "home", and the words of the song say "Home is there, where your friends are. The love is free there." Of course, this song makes me cry as well, because Berlin really does feel like home. My friends are there, and the love is free from them. Sigh. I really miss them.
I will continue to give my heart in Seattle, but I'm also going to be honest, that Germany is where my heart is really at. I hope that the emotion slows a bit, but if it's not, God knows my heart and he counts my tears because I love his people there. By the way, I have officially been back from Germany longer than I was there. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but it IS a sad thought.
Well, I think I'm going to leave it there for tonight. I know I'm forgetting a lot of other stuff, but I'll add another post if I think of it and it's worthy of publishing here. Please pray for an opportunity to come up for me to do some ministry work, and that I can at least cover my expenses with it. Thanks, bis zum nächsten Mal!
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