My dream

Good evening (Good morning, Germany!!) :)

I was just thinking....  The last couple months have been pretty challenging for me, and lately I have been VERY discouraged and overwhelmed.  There is a LOT to overcome still and sometimes it's hard to just put one foot in front of the other. But I do...

What I was just thinking about was "What do I want my life to look like in the future?"  I don't know when it will look like this, but I believe it will some day.  Whether you agree or not is irrelevant, because it's my dream....

My dream is one day to have the ability, the resources, the time and the desire to not just stop and smell the roses, but to stop and help my fellow man.  I have been seeing needs around me lately that I just don't have the energy or the mental bandwidth to deal with.  I have to take care of my own business.  Somewhere, there has to be a happy medium.

Okay, so for now that is my reality.  But I believe that will change some day.  I want to be able to find people that are lonely, that need help, that are truly deserving of a little boost.  We all need those boosts sometimes.  But the thing that really makes me sad is that our society really looks down on people that are going through tough times.  We ask, "why can't he/she just take care of their own business?"  I know I have asked this question in an unloving way.  In my pride, I was too busy to ask them why, or to try to help.  I had places to be, people to see, stuff to do.  But I was just being kind of selfish.  I guess I still am....

Living in Seattle has shown me so clearly how focused we can be on our own selves, our comfort, our stuff....  The reality here is that people have to make a lot of money to live.  My half of rent for my apartment is nearly as much as my whole 1st and 2nd mortgage payments on my house in Spokane.  How are people able to afford to live here?  Heaven forbid you have kids, a car payment, etc. It can be stressful to live here unless you make a LOT of money.

I have to laugh, because I think of Ecclesiastes.  (If you're not religious, stay with me for a moment...).  Numerous times in that book, it says that our lives are a "chasing after the wind" and in other places it calls everything meaningless.  It's true I guess.  The "haves" get more and more, while the "have nots" have less and less and less.  It's incredible to me to see the disparity.  I don't understand it.  What makes one person so much more special?  Why do they get so much while others have to work harder to barely have anything.  This is the king of thing that drives me a little bit mad.   

We run around to get this or that, or take care of a problem, or to buy something.  We get in our cars and go wherever we want, we do this or that.   And that's really great!  But I realize that I get into such a big hurry for nothing.  I tell myself "I have to get there fast" and I speed and get stressed....  But why?  Why is it so hard for me to relax and enjoy the journey?  Sometimes I don't leave myself enough time, but other times I am just in a hurry.  Impatient.  

I don't want to just stop and smell the roses.  I want to know people.  I want to know their stories and be a part of them.  I want to give, be generous.  I want people to know they are believed in, that they are loved and that they are valuable.  I want them to see themselves with the same eyes God sees them.  I want to see myself more and more that way as well.  I'm not there yet.  There are so many needs!

So for the meantime, I have the dream.  I can do more now if I make the time and the effort.  I need to overcome the challenges, the discouragement, and just love.  I know I need to. I know how much good it will do (a lot!).  Sometimes it's good just to think about such things.  To turn off the noise of life and ponder how to do good in this world.  There is a lot of good in the world, but there's also never enough good.  I want to be part of that.  

Until that day when God allows me to have more resources, I need to use what he has given me now.  He gives me time, energy, money and tools like and automobile, the ability to cook, to encourage, and to connect with others.  I have not been doing well using those gifts to encourage others.  I feel sad that this is where I am at, on the other hand, I know that's where I am now, so now I can do better.

Two of my heroes right now are Ricky Smith: http://www.rakenow.org/ for the selfless and tireless works he does, and for Rick Clark for #GivingBackPacks (facebook) in Spokane.  I want to be like them and have the life they do, helping others, and connecting with people in need.  I am honored to know both of you and want to imitate your hearts and your lives.