(Tonight's blog is going to be a compilation of random thoughts and events that I have been experiencing lately. I hope it will be coherent, but I can't promise it will flow perfectly. Just going through some of the challenges and things that have been memorable in the last couple weeks since I last posted, so bear with me.)
It's interesting being back. I say interesting because as you all may know, it was not really my ideal situation to return to the states. All my concerns have been confirmed, however I do have to admit that as hard as it has been, it could have actually been much worse. First of all I just want to thank my mom, who has been so generous in letting me use her car and has helped me in every way she can. She knows how much I have on my plate right now and she has really tried hard to help me out. Thank you so much, I love you!!!
Some of the major stresses in my life are still there, but they are (I believe anyway) getting better. There have been huge hurdles to overcome, things that really challenge my character to the core. They have made me fight to be godly in the midst of adversity and to hold on God and other people more than ever. I have come to appreciate being around other people of faith more and more, and to be around them every chance I get. If you live with other christians, near other christians and live near your church (I live 30 miles from my church), then I would encourage you to count that as a blessing. Living so far away from people and not having much money for gas, makes me look forward to have those things as blessings in my life again.
I really don't believe my dream to be in Germany is dead. I don't know what God's timing is, but I am faithful that this time of being here could very well just be a test to see how much I am willing to continue to believe in him and in that dream. I just cannot discount all the prayers God has answered and miracles he has done for me in this process, as well as for the dream itself.
I have had to fight through so many things that might otherwise discourage me or derail me. That's not to say that I have not at times felt very discouraged and frustrated with those things, but it's more about remembering the things he has shown me, while Satan tries to steal those things away through so many challenges and distractions. I have good days and bad days and I know there will likely be more challenges to come. The goal is to be faithful and to never give up. I have to be honest, though. Had I known how hard this would be, I am not sure if I would have had the courage to start. Now I feel very invested in this dream and feel it's too late to turn back. What if this dream would mean that more people could become Christians? What if it means that more Christians could become even better Christians? This scares me because I've seen the challenges already... But I feel confident that God will still be there with me, supporting me in all the ways I need it. Giving me the people and assets to help me, his loving me, challenging me and making me stronger through challenging times.
With all that said, the truth of the matter is that it has been one month as of yesterday since I arrived back here in the US. I miss Berlin and the friends I made there so much. Sometimes I try not to think about it too much because it overwhelms me, makes me feel sad because I miss the friends and that amazing city and culture. God willing, I will return to you....
One of the biggest challenges for me is that I went from a huge vibrant city to a small town on the very farthest edge of the Seattle suburbs. That's okay, but it has been a huge adjustment. Being with family is often good but can also be challenging at times. I don't have some of the privacy and flexibility that I have become accustomed to (wi-fi at home, for example). I hate not being independent at the moment.
As a result of these challenges I have noticed that I have started to eat unhealthy and I can tell that I am starting to gain weight again. I haven't been getting as much exercise as I did in Germany and that is part of it. I would like to join a gym, but just don't have the money for it, so I have to try to come up with another solution. I have also been getting time with brothers by phone, Skype and in person when I can. It's really hard to start my life all over again, but things get better every day, so I do feel hopeful. It's just hard...
So there have been a few encouraging things that have happened, and to most, they may not seem like much, but to me they are significant steps forward. Yesterday, I bought some shelves to start organizing the books and things that had begun to stack up around the house. I don't have a lot of stuff, but there was no place to put it, so now I can clean up my room a bit. I also got a phone two weeks ago and am so excited to be able to call, text and even go online anywhere I'm at, and not just rely on a home phone. A sister in the church here gave me my very first smart phone which made it very inexpensive for me to get it up and running. I'm extremely grateful for that.
Two weeks ago, I decided to have my laptop re-imaged. We determined that I had lost all the information in Windows and was probably irretrievable. So, I bought a new hard drive (got a killer deal on it) and he did all the installations for free for me. I was so grateful for that, too. Despite that, I lost a ton of information, music, photos and very important documents that I may never be able to duplicate or re-create. Not ideal, but don't have much choice, I guess.
Last Saturday night, I went to a meeting for a new bible talk group that is wanting to form. It was encouraging to have dinner and discuss the new group. In the 1 - 2 hours that we were there, it snowed about an inch. Now, in Spokane this would have been no big deal. I owned an all-wheel drive vehicle and wouldn't have been a challenge. But with my mom's car (which I am unfamiliar with how it drives in the snow) and living in a very hilly environment, I was feeling somewhat less than confident in getting home safely. There is a very steep hill in the last mile or so coming home and I decided to go for it, and hit the hill with a good running start and got to the top of it with no problems. Thank God there was nobody stuck on the hill because I would not have been able to make it to the top if there was!
Due to the snow, I was unfortunately unable to make it to church on Sunday. I really missed getting time with other disciples and since there was no midweek service last week, I went 8 days without it. On Tuesday night, I did get some time with a brother who is a great encouragement to me. He's recovering from a surgery so it was good to get some time with him. Friday night we had a Valentine's dinner at a sister's place and I cooked some lasagna but there was a lot more food there. Some of us played games and some of us watched movies until after midnight. It was fun and I was grateful to get some hang out time with others!
Last week I went to the Everett library to get some work done on my book. I sat next to the windows overlooking the Puget Sound and was starting to make some progress when someone sat down across from me (I was in a study carrel) and I think the guy was taking some kind of drugs. Two minutes after he left another couple sat in the same place and I'm pretty sure they were doing the same. I did get about 1400 words written, but ended up having to move to get away from that area of the library! That was a new experience for me and I have started going to a different library....
I also had to contact creditors this week to discuss some accounts that are past due. I've always had good credit, but now I'm having to humbly look at my situation and just accept that I can't do anything to change it right now, but I will take care of it! I took one day to do the majority of the calls and it was very emotionally challenging. I'm glad I spoke to all of them though so I can start getting all that under control again. It was tough, but it feels good to find out exactly where things stand.
The last two nights we have had some pretty major storms come through here. We have had very strong winds yesterday and a ton of rain and wind tonight. We lost power for about 2 hours last night, and thank goodness we haven't lost power yet today. It sounds like it has calmed down a lot now, so hopefully it will be a quiet night.
So finally tonight, I am very encouraged. I feel like God is on the verge of doing something. I think this is the week that I will get a job. I hope to have a car soon as well (by the grace of God), but I don't know how that will work yet. Either way, I feel like things are going to start happening. Whatever happens, I do still need your prayers just for my situation and to continue to be happy despite challenging circumstances. I have started a study on the apostle Paul, and one of the things he said I appreciate so much. In Phillipians 4:12-13, he says
"I know what it is to be in want, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
I feel very challenged by this attitude. Do you know what it really means to be in want? I think that most Americans really cannot relate with this. I'm not sure I can truly relate with this either, but I am starting to understand it a bit. Thanks to Paul for his incredible example of sacrifice that we can be inspired to imitate!
So I leave you on that note. Thank you for all your support and prayers. There is much more to say, but it's late and I need to get to bed soon. Have a great week everyone and think of me this week as I hope to have work soon!
Sunday, February 16, 2014
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Overview of First 10 Days Home
Feeling super overwhelmed lately. Yes, there are a lot of things that I am unsure of at present. Yes, I feel like I need a few miracles. Yes, I am discouraged. I have been thinking a lot lately about gratitude. I know that my needs are, in fact, being met at the moment, but I'm struggling to remember what those things are. So, if you'll bear with me, I'd like to share with you a few of those things that are good in my life tonight. Though this is not a complete list, these were the things that came to mind right away. I will likely also share a few of my challenges and feelings about them as well.
I am grateful for:
1. my relationship with a powerful God
2. Being able to be home with my family
3. For having a roof over my head
4. having a warm bed to sleep in
5. that I still have access to food stamps so I can eat
6. a safe trip back from Germany
7. so many people already that have given me rides here
8. my mom who is allowing me to use her car
9. my mom's church for helping us with gas money
10. brothers and sisters to network with for jobs
11. nine months in the most amazing city in the world (Berlin)
12. God allowing me to make so many life-long friends in that city
13. revitalizing old friendships in Seattle
13. that I am able to help my mom out
14. that there are many good jobs in my field available in the Seattle area
So, I was thinking about how my life is challenging since I have been back in the U.S. I was thinking that I live so far away from disciples, without a car, with no money and no means of earning money (yet). I've been home now 11 days and I definitely have some good leads, but as of today, I am completely broke. No more money. I don't even know what to do. I've never really been in this position before and I've been struggling to pray and get in the Word the past couple days. I feel a bit numb, don't know how things are going to work out. In my mind, I know that God can still do a miracle, but not sure my heart is there any more. I'm exhausted, discouraged and I feel alone.
It's good to be with my family again. I am glad that I can help my mom out right now, but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with everything on my plate. I don't know how to get out of this situation. A job would help, but I don't think that is the whole story. I have really tried to trust God over the past year, waiting for his answer, and yet I still wait. I know he is there, I know he is working on my character, but I am desperate for that elusive answer.
Just before I left Germany, I asked one of my flatmates to load Linux on my laptop. BIG mistake. I have had nothing but problems since. I had a brother here look at it for me to see if I could access the other partition where Windows was stored. He said it wasn't there. In doing this, the system inadvertently erased (?) the partition with Linux and since Windows was no longer there, I can't use my laptop at all. My laptop turns 6 years old this week and I am not sure how much life it has left. On top of that, it's having problems reinstalling Linux. Another dead end (no pun intended).
So this is just a sampling of some of my struggles of late. I remembered today as I was doing an errand, that in Exodus, God got very angry with the Israelites because when they were wandering around in the desert, they complained. A lot. God provided food every morning (manna) and even provided water out of a rock! Despite that even though their lives were uncomfortable, their needs were being met. God was so angry because of their complaining that he swore on oath that nobody brought out of their slavery in Egypt, into the land he promised them, would ever enter it. That is why they wandered in the desert for 40 years. I don't want to complain about my situation, even though at times it seems hopeless. God assures me he will never leave me alone and that he will provide for my needs (but makes no promises about my wants).
I realized that my situation is different than in Germany, and in some cases more severe, but it is actually essentially the same. It was excruciatingly difficult to leave Germany and put my dream on hold, but I know it's from God because he made it clear I should return. The reasons are not completely clear yet, but I am trying to trust his will. The only real difference in my being here is that it's somewhat harder for me to get around. I also don't have a cell phone at the moment, but I do have a home phone that I can make and receive calls with. I guess what is hardest for me to deal with is the additional loss of control and maybe even certainty of what is to come. With my move to Germany, I laid it all on the line, I decided I did not want to be afraid anymore and begin to live my dream.
I guess the next question is, "How do I feel about coming home?" The answer is mostly "Not good.", however, that is not the whole picture. I do love Washington State and I really love Seattle. I have family and many great friends here and I am grateful in the past 11 days to make new friends! But in reality my life is a bit more difficult, and for the second time in a year, I have to start all over again. Challenging, but not impossible. I'm grateful for a positive start (even though it has been a struggle). I don't think it's bad to struggle, in fact it can be very good in many ways, but at times it can be unpleasant.
So I guess if I could sum up my feelings right now, I just want to be content in my current situation. I can't focus so much on where I would rather be, but to live here and now, where I am. That was actually one of my goals for the year. Despite that, I do hope I can return to Germany soon. Only time and God will reveal if that is the plan, so for now, I will try to just be happy and grateful in Seattle and hopefully I can encourage this city as much as it encourages me.
In the meantime, please pray for me to find work so that I can help my mom out with her finances as she is on a fixed income. I'm very excited to get back to work, I hate not working and miss very much the sense of purpose it gives me as well as getting to know new things and new people.
I am grateful for:
1. my relationship with a powerful God
2. Being able to be home with my family
3. For having a roof over my head
4. having a warm bed to sleep in
5. that I still have access to food stamps so I can eat
6. a safe trip back from Germany
7. so many people already that have given me rides here
8. my mom who is allowing me to use her car
9. my mom's church for helping us with gas money
10. brothers and sisters to network with for jobs
11. nine months in the most amazing city in the world (Berlin)
12. God allowing me to make so many life-long friends in that city
13. revitalizing old friendships in Seattle
13. that I am able to help my mom out
14. that there are many good jobs in my field available in the Seattle area
So, I was thinking about how my life is challenging since I have been back in the U.S. I was thinking that I live so far away from disciples, without a car, with no money and no means of earning money (yet). I've been home now 11 days and I definitely have some good leads, but as of today, I am completely broke. No more money. I don't even know what to do. I've never really been in this position before and I've been struggling to pray and get in the Word the past couple days. I feel a bit numb, don't know how things are going to work out. In my mind, I know that God can still do a miracle, but not sure my heart is there any more. I'm exhausted, discouraged and I feel alone.
It's good to be with my family again. I am glad that I can help my mom out right now, but sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with everything on my plate. I don't know how to get out of this situation. A job would help, but I don't think that is the whole story. I have really tried to trust God over the past year, waiting for his answer, and yet I still wait. I know he is there, I know he is working on my character, but I am desperate for that elusive answer.
Just before I left Germany, I asked one of my flatmates to load Linux on my laptop. BIG mistake. I have had nothing but problems since. I had a brother here look at it for me to see if I could access the other partition where Windows was stored. He said it wasn't there. In doing this, the system inadvertently erased (?) the partition with Linux and since Windows was no longer there, I can't use my laptop at all. My laptop turns 6 years old this week and I am not sure how much life it has left. On top of that, it's having problems reinstalling Linux. Another dead end (no pun intended).
So this is just a sampling of some of my struggles of late. I remembered today as I was doing an errand, that in Exodus, God got very angry with the Israelites because when they were wandering around in the desert, they complained. A lot. God provided food every morning (manna) and even provided water out of a rock! Despite that even though their lives were uncomfortable, their needs were being met. God was so angry because of their complaining that he swore on oath that nobody brought out of their slavery in Egypt, into the land he promised them, would ever enter it. That is why they wandered in the desert for 40 years. I don't want to complain about my situation, even though at times it seems hopeless. God assures me he will never leave me alone and that he will provide for my needs (but makes no promises about my wants).
I realized that my situation is different than in Germany, and in some cases more severe, but it is actually essentially the same. It was excruciatingly difficult to leave Germany and put my dream on hold, but I know it's from God because he made it clear I should return. The reasons are not completely clear yet, but I am trying to trust his will. The only real difference in my being here is that it's somewhat harder for me to get around. I also don't have a cell phone at the moment, but I do have a home phone that I can make and receive calls with. I guess what is hardest for me to deal with is the additional loss of control and maybe even certainty of what is to come. With my move to Germany, I laid it all on the line, I decided I did not want to be afraid anymore and begin to live my dream.
I guess the next question is, "How do I feel about coming home?" The answer is mostly "Not good.", however, that is not the whole picture. I do love Washington State and I really love Seattle. I have family and many great friends here and I am grateful in the past 11 days to make new friends! But in reality my life is a bit more difficult, and for the second time in a year, I have to start all over again. Challenging, but not impossible. I'm grateful for a positive start (even though it has been a struggle). I don't think it's bad to struggle, in fact it can be very good in many ways, but at times it can be unpleasant.
So I guess if I could sum up my feelings right now, I just want to be content in my current situation. I can't focus so much on where I would rather be, but to live here and now, where I am. That was actually one of my goals for the year. Despite that, I do hope I can return to Germany soon. Only time and God will reveal if that is the plan, so for now, I will try to just be happy and grateful in Seattle and hopefully I can encourage this city as much as it encourages me.
In the meantime, please pray for me to find work so that I can help my mom out with her finances as she is on a fixed income. I'm very excited to get back to work, I hate not working and miss very much the sense of purpose it gives me as well as getting to know new things and new people.
Friday, January 17, 2014
I'm Back in Seattle Again
It's been an eventful last few days, but my flights from Berlin to Seattle went well. The 777 from London was only like 1/3 full so it was easy to stretch out a bit, take a couple short naps and watch a few movies. The timing of the flights was a bit challenging, but I'm glad I was able to get the flight I did. I am very grateful for Andreas meeting me at 5:15 a.m. at my apartment to take me to the airport. Thank you, brother for all you have done for me, and for your incredible sacrifice to come get me that early in the morning! Thanks also to Katja and Christoph for also meeting us there at 5:45 a.m.! I was encouraged to see all of you one last time before I left. You guys are really the best!
The night before I was trying to get things all taken care of and was struggling to keep my suitcases under the weight limits. I wanted to have one bag be regular price (up to 51 lbs) and the other to be heavier. I was allowed only one free piece of luggage, so I had to pay for the second one and both ended up being overweight. Cost me about $180 just to bring my luggage back. I had only about $50 or so on me when I left Berlin and a bit more in my account in Seattle. Just to get back on the plane, with the fee and the luggage costs totaled nearly $400! Thank goodness for my friends in Berlin who took up a collection at my party last Saturday! Thank you to everyone who helped out!
The flight from Berlin to London was pretty full, but it was only 1.5 hours long. The layover in London was pretty quick, got to stretch my legs and go through security again. They bussed us out to the plane and it must have been at the far corner of the airport (Heathrow is HUUUUGE!). Sat by a student from Tacoma and he told me about his 3 week visit to Morocco. Pretty interesting.
Because of the early morning start in both Berlin and London, I saw the sunrise about 4 or 5 times total. Once on the way to London, then once over Greenland and then a few more times over northern Canada. Since I am currently having issues with my laptop, I will have to show pictures of them, they were incredible. I especially loved seeing the tops of the white mountains of Greenland turn pink with the sunrise. Incredible. There was also a full moon which pretty much stayed right below the starboard wing of the plane most of the flight. Beautiful!
When we landed at Sea-Tac, we went through our screenings. They had us scan our passports in these machines, however as soon as I scanned mine, the whole system went down.... Oh well, the process really didn't take that long. Then they have you pick up your baggage on the carousel then you have to give it to other people to send it through I'm assuming, another screening. Then they send it to baggage claim to be picked up the final time. I guess that's a newer thing, but I haven't flown into a US airport internationally for a while.
Then the amazing Clerissa came and picked me up in her stylin' Saab convertible (top UP... brrrr....). She drove all the way down from Lynnwood and all the way up past Everett to drop me off. Thank you so much for your great heart of serving, it really means a lot to me!
So I got a chance to spend time with my mom and brother and went out to do a bit of shopping for some necessities. I tried to stay awake longer but only made it to about 6:30pm. Either way, it was still almost 30 hours awake, with three hours of sleep the night before. Did get a few short naps on the plane, but only a couple hours more at most.
Yesterday I took a walk to see how close the nearest bus stop is from my mom's place. Couldn't find one, but later found out where one is. It's about a 15 minute walk, but realizing that I really need to get a car. Mom is very generously letting me borrow hers when I need it, but don't want to totally over-use that privilege. Thanks, mom, for letting me use the car! Please pray for me to find work quickly and to be able to get around (and to be able to afford it!).
Also, I have been experiencing some challenges with my laptop. Because I foolishly asked my roommate in Berlin to put Linux on my computer earlier this week, I cannot figure out how to get connected to the internet. On top of that, I'm seriously questioning my own timing and sanity for requesting that. I'm totally dead in the water without my laptop and my mom's computer will not allow me to attach Microsoft Word documents to applications since she doesn't have Microsoft Office on her computer. I really hope I can get these things resolved quickly....
Anyway, thanks everyone for your support and prayers. If you feel moved to give, any amount (even $5) would be helpful for me to get established here. Thanks!
The night before I was trying to get things all taken care of and was struggling to keep my suitcases under the weight limits. I wanted to have one bag be regular price (up to 51 lbs) and the other to be heavier. I was allowed only one free piece of luggage, so I had to pay for the second one and both ended up being overweight. Cost me about $180 just to bring my luggage back. I had only about $50 or so on me when I left Berlin and a bit more in my account in Seattle. Just to get back on the plane, with the fee and the luggage costs totaled nearly $400! Thank goodness for my friends in Berlin who took up a collection at my party last Saturday! Thank you to everyone who helped out!
The flight from Berlin to London was pretty full, but it was only 1.5 hours long. The layover in London was pretty quick, got to stretch my legs and go through security again. They bussed us out to the plane and it must have been at the far corner of the airport (Heathrow is HUUUUGE!). Sat by a student from Tacoma and he told me about his 3 week visit to Morocco. Pretty interesting.
Because of the early morning start in both Berlin and London, I saw the sunrise about 4 or 5 times total. Once on the way to London, then once over Greenland and then a few more times over northern Canada. Since I am currently having issues with my laptop, I will have to show pictures of them, they were incredible. I especially loved seeing the tops of the white mountains of Greenland turn pink with the sunrise. Incredible. There was also a full moon which pretty much stayed right below the starboard wing of the plane most of the flight. Beautiful!
When we landed at Sea-Tac, we went through our screenings. They had us scan our passports in these machines, however as soon as I scanned mine, the whole system went down.... Oh well, the process really didn't take that long. Then they have you pick up your baggage on the carousel then you have to give it to other people to send it through I'm assuming, another screening. Then they send it to baggage claim to be picked up the final time. I guess that's a newer thing, but I haven't flown into a US airport internationally for a while.
Then the amazing Clerissa came and picked me up in her stylin' Saab convertible (top UP... brrrr....). She drove all the way down from Lynnwood and all the way up past Everett to drop me off. Thank you so much for your great heart of serving, it really means a lot to me!
So I got a chance to spend time with my mom and brother and went out to do a bit of shopping for some necessities. I tried to stay awake longer but only made it to about 6:30pm. Either way, it was still almost 30 hours awake, with three hours of sleep the night before. Did get a few short naps on the plane, but only a couple hours more at most.
Yesterday I took a walk to see how close the nearest bus stop is from my mom's place. Couldn't find one, but later found out where one is. It's about a 15 minute walk, but realizing that I really need to get a car. Mom is very generously letting me borrow hers when I need it, but don't want to totally over-use that privilege. Thanks, mom, for letting me use the car! Please pray for me to find work quickly and to be able to get around (and to be able to afford it!).
Also, I have been experiencing some challenges with my laptop. Because I foolishly asked my roommate in Berlin to put Linux on my computer earlier this week, I cannot figure out how to get connected to the internet. On top of that, I'm seriously questioning my own timing and sanity for requesting that. I'm totally dead in the water without my laptop and my mom's computer will not allow me to attach Microsoft Word documents to applications since she doesn't have Microsoft Office on her computer.
Anyway, thanks everyone for your support and prayers. If you feel moved to give, any amount (even $5) would be helpful for me to get established here. Thanks!
Monday, January 13, 2014
Miscellaneous Final Thoughts in Berlin
Tonight's post will not be particularly organized, but oh well, it's late and I just need to get some things off my heart. I'm doing very well, just so you know, just thoughts and confessions....
I have to be honest, I am not loving the thought of getting on a plane in 30 hours. It doesn't seem real... I have actually had to say good-bye to people today. Packing my room, watching the room empty out, ending up in suitcases the size of riding lawn mowers, some things in the trash, some in boxes to be put in storage in hopes that I will be back to Berlin soon.
The good news is that today is day four after "the news" and I'm still doing pretty well, all things considered. I know it won't hit me until VERY early Wednesday when I have to get up and be ready to leave by about 5 am. Oy. Like I said, it doesn't seem real. I'm going through the motions for now, and am very excited to get back to Seattle. However, leaving is like breaking up with your fiancee. Just when you were starting to really get to know them on a deeper level, committing yourself fully to her, confident in the way she makes you feel (except the job part, LOL), looking forward to a long life with her, then you have to break up and move away. Okay, maybe that's a bit of a strong parallel, but that's what I went with.... LOL.
In other news, I called British Airways again this morning (my 26th call (yes twenty-sixth)) and I was told I would originally get a call back on Friday from "Kevin" at BA in England. No word since then, not even today. As a result, BA requires payment of the fee to change the ticket more than 24 hours prior to the flight. My last chance to do so was this afternoon. It was $275 (yes, two-hundred seventy-five). I had no choice but to do this even though I am currently disputing that I owe the charge. Long story, but essentially I did not give authorization to actually change the date last month, but they did it anyway.... So, after 26 phone calls, an hour plus diversion to go to the airport to pay it in cash (don't have a credit card), I have spent a total of 6 hours dealing with this mess. The lady agent (not a BA agent) was very pleasant, but I made it clear to her and asked her to notate that I still dispute this charge. Unfortunately, since the fee MUST be paid, I was obligated to pay it today. That really hurt financially!!!!
AND, I survived paying it without hurting anyone (I was concerned about that, by the way, due to the amount of time, effort and money their mistake has cost me). At any rate, after I paid the fee, I had just enough time to catch the bus to meet everyone for a movie tonight.
I am very grateful for Oliver, who invited me to a movie tonight at the newly remodeled Zoo Palast. I had never been in there, but it's a bit iconic for Berlin and the upgrades they made were impressive. The seats were like leather recliners and super plush. The "snack bar" looked more like a regular bar, where you could get beer, wine, and whatnot. The whole theater that new carpet smell and an extremely high-tech sound system. We went to see "All is Lost" with Robert Redford because that is what Oliver wanted to see. I tried to talk him into seeing "Walter Mitty", but he had just seen it a couple days ago.
One thing I would like to say here, and don't misunderstand me. I think there is always a tendency to do things only if we really want to do them. This was not my first choice of movies honestly, but I chose to go not just because Oliver was paying my ticket, but because it encouraged him and built unity in the group. We had seven people come, some that didn't want to see this movie. Some came just to hang out before as well, but that is not what I'm referring to. I respect that people didn't want to see this movie, but I am a firm believer that sometimes we do have to deny ourselves for the good of the group and the unity. I wanted to see the other movie, too, but it was more important to be unified than to have my way. I was a little discouraged that some people didn't stay for that reason.
In any case, I still had a fun time and the movie was pretty good, it was very unique and it was good to see Robert Redford in his first movie in a long time. Also, since there is really only one actor in the movie (really!) and very little dialogue/monologue(?), and since it was running in German, our new friend and brother from the Boston church, Collin could still come and understand. The movie was very much situationally based, not on a spoken language. So he said he understood it just fine, except a short narration at the beginning of the movie. I think he had a good time.
Afterward, he and I went out to the grocery store and apparently it was his first time in a German store. For those of you that have experienced the grocery stores here, you know they are a bit like the Autobahn. You had better bag your groceries as they are ringing up the purchase. Once they are done and give you the total, you pay and get out of the way! It was quiet tonight, so it wasn't too hectic. I think he enjoyed that too.
Today I did some more walking. After spending three hours in the Technik Museum, my dogs were barking something fierce. Today, I got lost looking for the Ramones Museum for my friend John K. I finally found it and took a few pics, grabbed a couple things as souvenirs from there and a little something for John as well. He's a big Ramones fan. (For those not familiar, the Ramones was a punk band from the 70's and early 80's and they only have one museum in the world and it's not far from where I live here.) They are a US band from New York....
I've definitely been trying to get in time with people so I'm not alone in my thoughts and by myself. That's when I start not doing so well. I can tell my anxiety is a bit high right now, but having time with people and doing a bit of sightseeing is doing me a world of good. I guess I can cry half way to London on the plane again like I did in 1992. LOL.... Hopefully not, but I can't make any promises.
Finally tonight, I decided in the last couple of days that I was going to buy myself a little something with which I can remember my time here, even though I have tons of new friends, photos, etc. I decided to buy myself a Berlin flag. I've always loved flags and I used to collect them when I was a teen and young adult. You can ask my parents, I had lots of flags back then! Anyway, I think it's the perfect memory for me of this amazing place, and a reminder of my heart and desire to return here again someday, hopefully sooner than later, and certainly I hope not another 20 years! It's a white flag with narrow a narrow red stripe on the top and bottom and a black bear in the middle. I've always loved the Berlin bear....
That's it for tonight. Thanks for letting me share some thoughts of my last days in this wonderful place. Have a great week everyone and for those in Seattle, hope to see you all later this week.
I have to be honest, I am not loving the thought of getting on a plane in 30 hours. It doesn't seem real... I have actually had to say good-bye to people today. Packing my room, watching the room empty out, ending up in suitcases the size of riding lawn mowers, some things in the trash, some in boxes to be put in storage in hopes that I will be back to Berlin soon.
The good news is that today is day four after "the news" and I'm still doing pretty well, all things considered. I know it won't hit me until VERY early Wednesday when I have to get up and be ready to leave by about 5 am. Oy. Like I said, it doesn't seem real. I'm going through the motions for now, and am very excited to get back to Seattle. However, leaving is like breaking up with your fiancee. Just when you were starting to really get to know them on a deeper level, committing yourself fully to her, confident in the way she makes you feel (except the job part, LOL), looking forward to a long life with her, then you have to break up and move away. Okay, maybe that's a bit of a strong parallel, but that's what I went with.... LOL.
In other news, I called British Airways again this morning (my 26th call (yes twenty-sixth)) and I was told I would originally get a call back on Friday from "Kevin" at BA in England. No word since then, not even today. As a result, BA requires payment of the fee to change the ticket more than 24 hours prior to the flight. My last chance to do so was this afternoon. It was $275 (yes, two-hundred seventy-five). I had no choice but to do this even though I am currently disputing that I owe the charge. Long story, but essentially I did not give authorization to actually change the date last month, but they did it anyway.... So, after 26 phone calls, an hour plus diversion to go to the airport to pay it in cash (don't have a credit card), I have spent a total of 6 hours dealing with this mess. The lady agent (not a BA agent) was very pleasant, but I made it clear to her and asked her to notate that I still dispute this charge. Unfortunately, since the fee MUST be paid, I was obligated to pay it today. That really hurt financially!!!!
AND, I survived paying it without hurting anyone (I was concerned about that, by the way, due to the amount of time, effort and money their mistake has cost me). At any rate, after I paid the fee, I had just enough time to catch the bus to meet everyone for a movie tonight.
I am very grateful for Oliver, who invited me to a movie tonight at the newly remodeled Zoo Palast. I had never been in there, but it's a bit iconic for Berlin and the upgrades they made were impressive. The seats were like leather recliners and super plush. The "snack bar" looked more like a regular bar, where you could get beer, wine, and whatnot. The whole theater that new carpet smell and an extremely high-tech sound system. We went to see "All is Lost" with Robert Redford because that is what Oliver wanted to see. I tried to talk him into seeing "Walter Mitty", but he had just seen it a couple days ago.
One thing I would like to say here, and don't misunderstand me. I think there is always a tendency to do things only if we really want to do them. This was not my first choice of movies honestly, but I chose to go not just because Oliver was paying my ticket, but because it encouraged him and built unity in the group. We had seven people come, some that didn't want to see this movie. Some came just to hang out before as well, but that is not what I'm referring to. I respect that people didn't want to see this movie, but I am a firm believer that sometimes we do have to deny ourselves for the good of the group and the unity. I wanted to see the other movie, too, but it was more important to be unified than to have my way. I was a little discouraged that some people didn't stay for that reason.
In any case, I still had a fun time and the movie was pretty good, it was very unique and it was good to see Robert Redford in his first movie in a long time. Also, since there is really only one actor in the movie (really!) and very little dialogue/monologue(?), and since it was running in German, our new friend and brother from the Boston church, Collin could still come and understand. The movie was very much situationally based, not on a spoken language. So he said he understood it just fine, except a short narration at the beginning of the movie. I think he had a good time.
Afterward, he and I went out to the grocery store and apparently it was his first time in a German store. For those of you that have experienced the grocery stores here, you know they are a bit like the Autobahn. You had better bag your groceries as they are ringing up the purchase. Once they are done and give you the total, you pay and get out of the way! It was quiet tonight, so it wasn't too hectic. I think he enjoyed that too.
Today I did some more walking. After spending three hours in the Technik Museum, my dogs were barking something fierce. Today, I got lost looking for the Ramones Museum for my friend John K. I finally found it and took a few pics, grabbed a couple things as souvenirs from there and a little something for John as well. He's a big Ramones fan. (For those not familiar, the Ramones was a punk band from the 70's and early 80's and they only have one museum in the world and it's not far from where I live here.) They are a US band from New York....
I've definitely been trying to get in time with people so I'm not alone in my thoughts and by myself. That's when I start not doing so well. I can tell my anxiety is a bit high right now, but having time with people and doing a bit of sightseeing is doing me a world of good. I guess I can cry half way to London on the plane again like I did in 1992. LOL.... Hopefully not, but I can't make any promises.
Finally tonight, I decided in the last couple of days that I was going to buy myself a little something with which I can remember my time here, even though I have tons of new friends, photos, etc. I decided to buy myself a Berlin flag. I've always loved flags and I used to collect them when I was a teen and young adult. You can ask my parents, I had lots of flags back then! Anyway, I think it's the perfect memory for me of this amazing place, and a reminder of my heart and desire to return here again someday, hopefully sooner than later, and certainly I hope not another 20 years! It's a white flag with narrow a narrow red stripe on the top and bottom and a black bear in the middle. I've always loved the Berlin bear....
That's it for tonight. Thanks for letting me share some thoughts of my last days in this wonderful place. Have a great week everyone and for those in Seattle, hope to see you all later this week.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Finally Got An Answer! Seattle, Here I Come!
I am very relieved that I finally got a clear answer yesterday. I was praying yesterday morning, telling God that I don't do well with ambiguity. If I feel there's any way that it might work out, I will go after it.
So I prayed for my heart to be ready for whatever the answer would be and I went to the Foreigners Registration Office. To be completely honest, I was starting to see the "writing on the wall", but I had some specific questions to which I needed answered, so I decided to go in for my appointment even though I didn't have a job offer or any information that they had otherwise required to extend my residence permit further.
I told the lady my situation and the confusion with my plane ticket being changed, etc. Since my flight to Seattle leaves on Wednesday, Jan. 15, she gave me a short 7-day extension. I asked her if I were to get a job offer in the next week, if I could stay, she said "No, you HAVE TO leave." I said I just wanted to make sure, and that I had no intention of disrespecting this requirement. She further said that when I return, I can not have been in Germany more than 90 days in the past 6 months. I was a little nervous because when I first asked her, she almost made it sound like it might be longer since I have been here 9 months this time. But she checked and confirmed the shorter time frame. Whew!!!
So, yes, I am disappointed by having to leave, but I am grateful that I have the right to return again. At least now I know how the process works, I have contacts and information on where I can potentially find work, etc., so when I come back (God willing), I think I will have a better chance of finding something.
Since posting this information on facebook yesterday, I am grateful for all the love and support of my friends and family. This has been such a profound time in my life and in my walk with God, I am grateful that you care about me and are already helping me get back into the swing of things in the states.
So, my birthday is in about an hour. I am excited for closing out another year of my life, and a very exciting and eventful one at that. I hope I have grown in the last year and have become a better person, friend, disciple. I'm excited for my birthday party tomorrow night at the library. It will be hard to say "Auf Wiedersehen" (until we see [each other] again) to everyone in the next few days, but I certainly can't regret the last nine months of my life, the people that God has blessed me with here, and the ways he's challenged and blessed me in every way. I don't even know if I've done a good job, but it has certainly pushed me well past my comfort zone. Frankly, God has very obviously been taking care of my every need and a lot of my wants, too. I'm very very grateful for all those things...
I will be interested in the next few weeks and months to look back over my time in Berlin. Some things just don't occur to you until you are no longer in the situation, so it will be interesting to see what those things are, how I react, any regrets, etc. (Although I have tried to give my all and not to have regrets.)
I am very excited to return to Seattle, my spiritual birthplace, after over 11 years being away. I'm excited to pick up with many friendships where we left off many years ago, build new friendships, have new experiences.... I am confident that I can find work relatively quickly there, and I really do want to return to Germany as soon as I can. I have a lot of bill-catching-up to do, but I do hope to return as soon as God allows (if that is his will).
I do have one prayer request though. I know that it takes a few days for "bad" news to "hit" me, which means that probably Sunday or Monday I will struggle or a day or two. I'm glad that I will be at church with my friends on Sunday and at my party tomorrow, but after that, I foresee that it might be very difficult for me. Please pray for me to get everything done before it needs to so that I can be ready early Wednesday to fly.
Anyway, for my friends in the Seattle area, any thoughts would be helpful in the following areas:
1. I will be staying at my mom's house in the Everett area and will likely not have a car, if anyone could help me get to BT or church services for the short term, I would be super appreciative.
2. I am also looking for work. I have worked 20 years in customer service, including 2 years in hotels, 11+ years in insurance (claims adjuster) and taking orders over the phone while also providing help in using an ordering website... Any thoughts or actual positions available would be greatly appreciated.
Well, I think that is it for now. Thanks everyone for your support and love and I am not sure if I will be able to update again before I return, but either way this is not the end of my journey and I will not give up on my dream of returning here someday if it's God's will. Either way, I will be present and do my very best wherever I am. Talk to you again soon!
So I prayed for my heart to be ready for whatever the answer would be and I went to the Foreigners Registration Office. To be completely honest, I was starting to see the "writing on the wall", but I had some specific questions to which I needed answered, so I decided to go in for my appointment even though I didn't have a job offer or any information that they had otherwise required to extend my residence permit further.
I told the lady my situation and the confusion with my plane ticket being changed, etc. Since my flight to Seattle leaves on Wednesday, Jan. 15, she gave me a short 7-day extension. I asked her if I were to get a job offer in the next week, if I could stay, she said "No, you HAVE TO leave." I said I just wanted to make sure, and that I had no intention of disrespecting this requirement. She further said that when I return, I can not have been in Germany more than 90 days in the past 6 months. I was a little nervous because when I first asked her, she almost made it sound like it might be longer since I have been here 9 months this time. But she checked and confirmed the shorter time frame. Whew!!!
So, yes, I am disappointed by having to leave, but I am grateful that I have the right to return again. At least now I know how the process works, I have contacts and information on where I can potentially find work, etc., so when I come back (God willing), I think I will have a better chance of finding something.
Since posting this information on facebook yesterday, I am grateful for all the love and support of my friends and family. This has been such a profound time in my life and in my walk with God, I am grateful that you care about me and are already helping me get back into the swing of things in the states.
So, my birthday is in about an hour. I am excited for closing out another year of my life, and a very exciting and eventful one at that. I hope I have grown in the last year and have become a better person, friend, disciple. I'm excited for my birthday party tomorrow night at the library. It will be hard to say "Auf Wiedersehen" (until we see [each other] again) to everyone in the next few days, but I certainly can't regret the last nine months of my life, the people that God has blessed me with here, and the ways he's challenged and blessed me in every way. I don't even know if I've done a good job, but it has certainly pushed me well past my comfort zone. Frankly, God has very obviously been taking care of my every need and a lot of my wants, too. I'm very very grateful for all those things...
I will be interested in the next few weeks and months to look back over my time in Berlin. Some things just don't occur to you until you are no longer in the situation, so it will be interesting to see what those things are, how I react, any regrets, etc. (Although I have tried to give my all and not to have regrets.)
I am very excited to return to Seattle, my spiritual birthplace, after over 11 years being away. I'm excited to pick up with many friendships where we left off many years ago, build new friendships, have new experiences.... I am confident that I can find work relatively quickly there, and I really do want to return to Germany as soon as I can. I have a lot of bill-catching-up to do, but I do hope to return as soon as God allows (if that is his will).
I do have one prayer request though. I know that it takes a few days for "bad" news to "hit" me, which means that probably Sunday or Monday I will struggle or a day or two. I'm glad that I will be at church with my friends on Sunday and at my party tomorrow, but after that, I foresee that it might be very difficult for me. Please pray for me to get everything done before it needs to so that I can be ready early Wednesday to fly.
Anyway, for my friends in the Seattle area, any thoughts would be helpful in the following areas:
1. I will be staying at my mom's house in the Everett area and will likely not have a car, if anyone could help me get to BT or church services for the short term, I would be super appreciative.
2. I am also looking for work. I have worked 20 years in customer service, including 2 years in hotels, 11+ years in insurance (claims adjuster) and taking orders over the phone while also providing help in using an ordering website... Any thoughts or actual positions available would be greatly appreciated.
Well, I think that is it for now. Thanks everyone for your support and love and I am not sure if I will be able to update again before I return, but either way this is not the end of my journey and I will not give up on my dream of returning here someday if it's God's will. Either way, I will be present and do my very best wherever I am. Talk to you again soon!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Update from Yesterday's Post
Because of my situation, someone suggested I should add a Paypal button to the blog should you feel inclined to donate. Please don't feel obligated. Click here to donate:
Thanks!
Thanks!
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Stress Relief Valve
Tonight, my blog entry is going to be a bit of a rant, but it's the pressure valve I need at the moment, so please bear with me. As many of you know, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I'm a very open person about how I am feeling and do a terrible job of stuffing things. When I start to "stuff", that's when things start to get ugly. So, here we go, this is just me relieving some pressure.
So, last month when I called to see if I could change my flight, I didn't realize that they were actually doing it. Since I couldn't afford to make the change at the time, I figured they would not be able to change it. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I was aware of the $275 fee to change my flight, but even though I had the money (but that was ALL I had), I decided to just be on my flight two days after. When I realized they had changed the flight, it was too late to change it back AND I had already "un-registered" with the city of Berlin. This means that I am still here and not registered. I can't imagine that is okay with them.... Ugh.
On top of this, I am also now on the line for paying the $275 fee. I don't have it. In the meantime, I have also received a message from my insurance company (of 18 years) that they are threatening to cancel my homeowners policy if I don't have $262 to them by Jan. 16 (the day after my flight back). In the meantime, I have had to pay an extra month's rent, buy a ticket for public transport (another $100), not to mention food and other necessities. The fact is that I am completely broke. I don't have money for the ticket change, no money for insurance, I have about $50 to my name and somehow that has to be enough to at least get me back to the U.S....
This is why I have been trying to contact British Airways to see if they have any kind of benevolence that they could extend to my situation. As of today, I have made 21 phone calls regarding the change of the ticket (including the calls leading up to the actual change). I have sent in a complaint, then two weeks ago I filled out a survey, and I still haven't heard back from anyone. I don't have a whole lot of time to get this worked out before it's too late again. I spent another hour getting the run-around today. I called British Airways' customer relations like in New York. It's the 4th time I've called there and even though it was shortly after they opened, no answer and their mail box is always full. They must have a lot of complaints if anyone else's experience is anything like mine. I have spent a total of 5 hours on calls/on hold to figure this stuff out and now I have to pay exorbitant fees as a "Thank You" from the airline. Not feeling very appreciated as a customer that put out $1500 for a round trip plane ticket!
The fact is that I am very concerned I might get stuck here and I really don't know what to do. I'm stressed because for the first time in my life I am unable to pay my bills. Until recently I had very good credit and in pursuing my dream, I am not so concerned about my credit, but I have been looking for work diligently. I'm very discouraged at the moment as to what I can even do. I'm doing okay spiritually, but this is definitely a very heavy weight on my heart. If I need to return to the states, so be it, but I am not sure how to even plan for that at this point.....
______________________________
Now onto more encouraging things. Yesterday I went in person to a company that I applied for a job at last month. Unfortunately when I sent in the application, I had just missed the cutoff (the job posting was still listed on a major online job board). So, I sent in a general application and followed up last month, then in person yesterday. It looks like such a cool company, seriously, I would LOVE to work there. The people were super friendly and they even thanked me for coming in spontaneously in person. Not sure if it will produce a job by tomorrow, but I'm holding out hope.
I also went back to a local souvenir shop today and they all recognized me from like 2-3 months ago!! They are currently doing inventory so nobody is available in the next couple days to make any decisions on hiring. They sounded very interested in possibly hiring me, but no go in the next few days.... We agreed to keep in touch over email if I do have to go back to the states. That was encouraging!
I'm also encouraged that this week is my birthday, I could really use some encouragement about right now, just being honest.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I'm very heavily invested (with my heart, time, money, etc.) and I hope this explains why I have been struggling with the airline and other things lately. I'll update in the next few days the status of things. Stay tuned.
-------
9 Jan 2014: Someone mentioned I should add a Paypal button should you feel inclined to donate. Please don't feel obligated. Click here to donate:
So, last month when I called to see if I could change my flight, I didn't realize that they were actually doing it. Since I couldn't afford to make the change at the time, I figured they would not be able to change it. Unfortunately, I was wrong. I was aware of the $275 fee to change my flight, but even though I had the money (but that was ALL I had), I decided to just be on my flight two days after. When I realized they had changed the flight, it was too late to change it back AND I had already "un-registered" with the city of Berlin. This means that I am still here and not registered. I can't imagine that is okay with them.... Ugh.
On top of this, I am also now on the line for paying the $275 fee. I don't have it. In the meantime, I have also received a message from my insurance company (of 18 years) that they are threatening to cancel my homeowners policy if I don't have $262 to them by Jan. 16 (the day after my flight back). In the meantime, I have had to pay an extra month's rent, buy a ticket for public transport (another $100), not to mention food and other necessities. The fact is that I am completely broke. I don't have money for the ticket change, no money for insurance, I have about $50 to my name and somehow that has to be enough to at least get me back to the U.S....
This is why I have been trying to contact British Airways to see if they have any kind of benevolence that they could extend to my situation. As of today, I have made 21 phone calls regarding the change of the ticket (including the calls leading up to the actual change). I have sent in a complaint, then two weeks ago I filled out a survey, and I still haven't heard back from anyone. I don't have a whole lot of time to get this worked out before it's too late again. I spent another hour getting the run-around today. I called British Airways' customer relations like in New York. It's the 4th time I've called there and even though it was shortly after they opened, no answer and their mail box is always full. They must have a lot of complaints if anyone else's experience is anything like mine. I have spent a total of 5 hours on calls/on hold to figure this stuff out and now I have to pay exorbitant fees as a "Thank You" from the airline. Not feeling very appreciated as a customer that put out $1500 for a round trip plane ticket!
The fact is that I am very concerned I might get stuck here and I really don't know what to do. I'm stressed because for the first time in my life I am unable to pay my bills. Until recently I had very good credit and in pursuing my dream, I am not so concerned about my credit, but I have been looking for work diligently. I'm very discouraged at the moment as to what I can even do. I'm doing okay spiritually, but this is definitely a very heavy weight on my heart. If I need to return to the states, so be it, but I am not sure how to even plan for that at this point.....
______________________________
Now onto more encouraging things. Yesterday I went in person to a company that I applied for a job at last month. Unfortunately when I sent in the application, I had just missed the cutoff (the job posting was still listed on a major online job board). So, I sent in a general application and followed up last month, then in person yesterday. It looks like such a cool company, seriously, I would LOVE to work there. The people were super friendly and they even thanked me for coming in spontaneously in person. Not sure if it will produce a job by tomorrow, but I'm holding out hope.
I also went back to a local souvenir shop today and they all recognized me from like 2-3 months ago!! They are currently doing inventory so nobody is available in the next couple days to make any decisions on hiring. They sounded very interested in possibly hiring me, but no go in the next few days.... We agreed to keep in touch over email if I do have to go back to the states. That was encouraging!
I'm also encouraged that this week is my birthday, I could really use some encouragement about right now, just being honest.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I'm very heavily invested (with my heart, time, money, etc.) and I hope this explains why I have been struggling with the airline and other things lately. I'll update in the next few days the status of things. Stay tuned.
-------
9 Jan 2014: Someone mentioned I should add a Paypal button should you feel inclined to donate. Please don't feel obligated. Click here to donate:
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