Emotional!

Good evening all! Sorry I haven't been writing much lately, but have been dealing with a lot the past few months; some good and some not so much.  Either way, it's been a bit of an emotional roller coaster.  That's not a bad thing, just the facts....

I was super encouraged on September 30th, that my good friend Jürgen from Berlin was in town for almost two weeks! I was super excited to see him and speak some German and just see how he and everyone is doing back in Berlin.  I picked him up at the airport and we did a little bit of sightseeing, including downtown Seattle, the troll and Gasworks Park.  God provided a really nice Fall day for it and it was great to hang out with him.  We ended up at a really cool little coffee shop in Greenwood, not too far from where I live. He also got to meet my car, which I named after him, I named my Toyota "Jürgen Jägerschnitzel".  He seemed to really like the car and the car didn't seem to mind him either.  LOL.  Here's a picture of them together (and I can't tell you how encouraged I was to be able to take this shot):


He also stayed the night in the guest room of the house where I am living (thanks Dave and Francis!) and unfortunately I had to be at work at 10 a.m. the next morning, so we didn't have a long time to hang out, but it was great.  I'm really grateful for him, he's also been trying to help me find opportunities to serve somehow in the ministry in Berlin, but nothing yet.  I really appreciate that because I know he believes in my ability to serve in that way. Thanks brother!

I also took him to Ikea (I was running errands on my day off and dragged him with me) and since we were both hungry, we grabbed some food at the restaurant there.  I had never had their meatballs and he had crawfish (I didn't know you could get such a thing there....).  Then we went to Wal-Mart in Renton, which I figure that Germans are generally aware of the sort of interesting people that go there, and I thought that particular store would give us a good possibility of seeing that type of thing (I used to live in Renton, so no judgment).

Actually, the most interesting thing was watching the German trying to take in the vast selection of products there.  He would spend time looking at individual products so we unfortunately spent a bit more time there than originally planned.  Then we went to the Museum of Flight but didn't have enough time to do it properly (spent too much time at Wally World) and it was too expensive as well. Then we went downtown to meet Lynda and some of her family.

On the Sunday night before he left, there was a going-away party for him, where he volunteered to be grillmaster.  I figured that since Germans were generally not as fluent in the language of grilling, I would show him how to cook the steaks more or less to order.  They turned out pretty good (or at least that's what people said.)  :)  It was hard to say "Auf Wiedersehen" to my friend again, but was so glad to have the opportunity to spend such great time with him!  Thanks for coming and for making time for me!!!
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So, a few weeks ago, I had to go back to Spokane for the first time in almost a year and a half.  This was a very hard thing for me because when I left there, I feel like I had to shake off some things that I had experienced there.  If I can be completely honest about it, I was very happy to leave last year.  Please don't misunderstand me, I have some very dear friends there that I miss terribly and keep in touch with regularly, but the last few years I was there was extremely challenging for me and I was discouraged, and found it difficult to find my place there.

As I was driving with my friends toward the city, I got very emotional.  I told the people I was riding with that I felt like I was "returning to my abuser."  I was serious, and I was nearly in tears.  I had so many wonderful memories of Spokane in the 10.5 years I was there, but I was so unhappy there. I was grateful for the dream to go to Germany, otherwise I might still be there, struggling.  I'm sorry if I offend anyone living there, but that is how I felt.  (Please keep reading).

I ultimately had gone there to do some work on my house that could have been a serious issue.  Thankfully, it was minor, and I was able to make the repairs, take a quick look at the property (it looked AMAZING!!) and was able to really enjoy the weekend with friends. The weather was beautiful and Ryan and Sara and I went out to Coeur d'Alene to just enjoy the really beautiful day.  It was really nice!  As I left, I realized that Spokane really wasn't so bad, in fact, the city and the surrounding areas are very beautiful!

(Sorry for the blue tint on the pics, wasn't aware my phone was making everything blue)
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Coming back to Seattle, I was reminded how much I love the beach.  So, lately I have been trying to go enjoy some time at the water's edge, praying.  It's been so nice to breathe in the salty, cool air, and enjoying the scenery and the wildlife.  I decided that I wanted to go to the beach at Carkeek Park, which is the closest one to my house.  I found it on Monday and actually found parking.  It was a beautiful day 74F/25C and it was incredible.  Unfortunately, I didn't get much alone time because the place was packed, but it was nice. I went back on Wednesday and even though it was overcast, I had the beach almost all to myself!  It was about 62F/17C, and there wasn't much wind, so it was very comfortable.

I had a great prayer time and even once, as I was praying, I was looking out about 30-40 feet in the water and there was a small gray seal with his head popped out of the water, looking right at me.  I was fumbling to get my phone to try to get a  picture of him, but he ducked back underwater before I could get my camera going. He popped up once more a few seconds later, but couldn't get a shot of him before he went back under.  What a great surprise!  I saw a seal one other time like this about 15 years ago when I was kayaking in the San Juan Islands, I love seeing wildlife like that!

I have decided that I really need to spend more time at the beach, whenever I can.  I really love it there.  I love sitting on a log, praying, taking in the scenery and the fresh air.  It's really amazing.  I can really feel connected to God there....

So, back to the title of this post....  Lately, I have been feeling much better.  After about two months of just struggling, feeling physically overwhelmed, and in a lot of pain after my fall in June, I had a pretty unpleasant summer.  I have been super encouraged that we have been still having nice weather since I missed a good portion of the summer this year because I was not able to do much physically.

After Jürgen's visit, I have been feeling much more encouraged and inspired to continue in my goal to try to return to Germany.  I really miss it and the people there a lot.   You may be thinking, "Tim, what are you thinking? Get over it!"  I understand why you would think that, but I am equally as committed to that dream and I will only do it when God makes it abundantly clear.  I'm not going to be irresponsible about trying to return.  I'll leave it at that for now.

A German friend of mine from Spokane sent me a link to a series of videos put out by the Berlin tourist bureau, and I got through 4 or 5 of them (short videos), and I was sobbing uncontrollably.  I have also been very emotional while listening to another song that talks about removing yourself from a stagnant situation to follow your dreams.  While the title of the song is French, it's a German song.  It's called Au Revoir  by Mark Forster.  I cry every time I hear this song.

What's your favorite thing?  What makes you happy?  What would your life be incomplete without?  For me, that's Germany and things German.  I feel like the U.S. is just a stopover, and I'm just waiting for my chance to go back.  Berlin feels like home now.  There's another song by Adel Tawil called Zuhause.  The title means "home", and the words of the song say "Home is there, where your friends are.  The love is free there."  Of course, this song makes me cry as well, because Berlin really does feel like home.  My friends are there, and the love is free from them.  Sigh.  I really miss them.

I will continue to give my heart in Seattle, but I'm also going to be honest, that Germany is where my heart is really at.  I hope that the emotion slows a bit, but if it's not, God knows my heart and he counts my tears because I love his people there.  By the way, I have officially been back from Germany longer than I was there.  I'm not sure how I feel about that, but it IS a sad thought.

Well, I think I'm going to leave it there for tonight.  I know I'm forgetting a lot of other stuff, but I'll add another post if I think of it and it's worthy of publishing here. Please pray for an opportunity to come up for me to do some ministry work, and that I can at least cover my expenses with it.  Thanks, bis zum nächsten Mal!

Looking to Move On

Good evening!  Just wanted to post a short blog tonight because I'm super excited about a job interview I have tomorrow.  It is in my field -- Insurance!  I'm so  excited for this interview I can't stand it.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for me, send me good thoughts, vibes, I'll take it all!  I would love to get back into my field so I can afford to cover my costs every month.  When I saw this particular job opening, I was really excited to apply for it!

Also, my current work situation is okay, but it is a very negative and has become toxic for me.  I really need to get out of there!  This opportunity would be very interesting and is a job that I have actually done before and that I LOVED.

Anyway, thanks for checking in on me, and in advance for your prayers and good vibes!

I'll let you know how it goes!

An Exciting Look Back in History!

I am beyond excited to share with you what's on my heart tonight. I've been planning this post for the past week or more because I want to tell you a true story.  It involves a very important time in modern history, and it actually includes a very small player, an observer really, me.

Before I begin, I just want to say that I'm so humbled to have been able to experience the amazing things God has allowed me to experience in my life to make me the person I am today.  As far as I'm concerned this was one of the biggest miracles God has pulled off in the past 50 years and I got to see an important piece of it up close and very personally.  This miracle touched millions of lives all over the world, but none so much as those in Eastern Europe and in the country I love as my 2nd home, Germany.

Okay, so I won't leave you all in suspense any longer.  In Europe right now, it's October 7.  Twenty-five years ago today I know exactly what I was doing.  It was one of the most significant days of my life, and also one of the scariest, but above all, one of the most exciting.  I was living in Munich, but had taken a weekend tour through my college, the University of Maryland, Munich Campus, to Prague, Czechoslovakia.  I didn't know at the time I booked this weekend how it would impact my life for many years to come and how perfect the timing of it was.  And it still amazes me today, exactly 25 years to the day later.

The week before I left for Prague an absolutely unprecedented crack began to form in the iron curtain (for those of you unaware of this term, it described a political wall between Eastern European communist and socialist ideology and western (free) society).  I watched with great interest as, for the first time since the Berlin Wall was erected in 1961, 28 years previously, the East Germans were allowed to travel freely to another country, Czechoslovakia.  Many fled the oppressiveness of the East German government.  Suddenly, they had some freedom, and they took advantage of it!

I had watched as TV stations were reporting from behind the West German embassy in Prague, where literally hundreds and hundreds of refugees were holed up in the courtyard in tents!  I was bound and determined to make my way there to see it for myself.  So, I talked two of my fellow students into going to check it out with me.

Here is the story I wrote for my school newspaper about that experience.  I remember staying up until 3 a.m. to make sure it was absolutely perfect when I turned it in.  Oddly enough, instead of writing it as a reporter of the college (I was one of the editors of the paper), the school decided it might be better that I do an Op-Ed article (just in case the story might cause some sort of international incident.)  It didn't, thank goodness.  Here's the story I wrote:

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(From the Munich Observer, November 1989, page 2)

STUDENTS TRY TO HELP IN E. GERMAN FLIGHT

By Tim Morse, Guest Columnist

The Sun was setting as we prowled through a quickly darkening forest in West Prague. We could see Czech guards only 50 years away, watching us through the trees.

“I have to talk to those refugees, “ I thought.

That infamous eight-foot iron gate I had seen in the media eluded me by only a few meters.  But I wasn’t about to give up.

I and sophomores Amy Cashman and Tara Brown went to the West German Embassy in Prague, only to find it heavily guarded by Czechoslovakian police.  At the time of October visit, about 1,000 East Germans called the West German Embassy courtyard home.

At one point, we were able to come within a few meters of that iron gate which had meant the last major obstacle to freedom for thousands of East Germans in the preceding weeks. 

It, too, was heavily guarded. 

My dream of helping a refugee over that gate was quickly dashed as I viewed the security around it.

We still tried everything in our power to get closer to the gate.  We walked around the embassy, mostly on the wooded hill behind it, for over two hours.

We even tried sneaking through the dark, steep forest that led to the back side of the embassy, that is, until we realized we were being watched.

We then tried to talk to the guards, who were huddled around a small fire.  Not only were they unwilling to help us, but they were downright rude about it.

Because I didn’t have my passport, they refused to acknowledge me, told me very bluntly to leave, and pointed the way.

The second group of guards we met around a similar fire was surprisingly friendly.  They tried to communicate with us in German and English, and of course Czech, but they couldn’t allow us to access the gate either.

They did allow us, however, to take pictures of all of us together.  It should be quite a souvenir.

I thought we could meet the refugees on our own, but of course, couldn’t.  So, as a last resort, we went to the front door of the embassy.

I talked in German to the man who answered the door, but he responded that it would be “überhaupt nicht möglich” (not at all possible) to talk to any refugees for matters of security.

I took this news very hard, but comforted myself that I was, in fact, witnessing history in the making.

The events leading up to this exodus are historical.

For the first time in over 40 years, people in Eastern Bloc countries were, for a time, able to “escape” the oppression of their countries with relative ease.

Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev, on a trip to East Berlin to celebrate the 40^th anniversary of East Germany last month, advised now former Communist Party leader Erich Honecker to ease restrictions in his country so that Gorbachev’s policy of glasnost might gain more credibility throughout the world.

In past months, Czechoslovakia and Hungary have opened up their borders to the point that the people may come and go almost as they please, according to our tour guide, Vladimir.

This made it possible for these East Germans to come West because before, they didn’t need visas to enter Czechoslovakia.

Because of the exodus, they now do.

Media sources say that a majority of West Germans would like to see the two Germanies reunify, but this would cause numerous social and economic problems for West Germany.

West Germany would have difficulties supporting the large numbers of new residents should the East German government allow such a reunification. West Germany has an acute housing shortage among other things.  Sophomore Martina Manley, whose mother is German and who plans to settle down in Germany, is skeptical.  She believes that the refugees will take job opportunities away from the West Germans, herself included.

Whatever the outcome, I hope that the people of the Eastern Bloc, who are suffering under the oppression that can still be felt there, will one day soon be able to enjoy all the things we take for granted here in the West – especially liberty.

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Well, reading it now, stylistically it's not perfect, but not bad for a 19-year old punk kid from Yakima, WA!

Anyway, as we all know, the Berlin wall fell just one month after this.  I remember exactly where I was when I watched Germans breaking through the wall, standing and dancing on top of it.  I remember sitting on my bed, in my dorm room in Munich, and weeping that the East Germans were finally free!

You may remember that as a 16 year-old, I visited East Berlin (see my posts in this blog from April 2013) and saw how depressed and sad the people were, how little they had and most of them had no idea what it was like on the other side of that large, looming wall....

Well, that's it for tonight.  I have to be up in a few hours and I wanted to share this incredible experience I had. It's been intense remembering all of those things again after so long.  I hope you're as encouraged reading it as I am to be able to share it with you.

Make sure to give thanks for your freedom, there are still some that don't have it and never will.  We are truly lucky to have it.

Good night, and until the next time!