You know, life has been really great lately. I moved into a new house with brothers, and it has been a total blessing, a lot of stress has been taken off by the move. I have a new job. With benefits. Paid holidays. Health, dental and vision insurance. And I absolutely LOVE the job!
I also bought a new car. It was a very stressful transaction, despite being extremely patient and understanding with the guy I was buying it from. I finally took possession of the car (yes, that was an issue.) Then, I got it titled in my name, thank you God!! Since then, I have had some issues with the car: blew a radiator hose, which a friend actually took care of for me. Then, they told me the car needed tires, which I knew, but they said it needed to be done immediately. Got those done. Now, since yesterday the car is overheating despite having the system flushed less than 2 weeks ago.
I'm just tired. Exhausted from the challenges. I have a couple of conversations with people this week that I am feeling uneasy about. Not that I have anything to fear, because I feel like I'm trying to do the right thing, and have for a long time. But to others, perception is everything.
The past two years have been extremely challenging for me. I'm grateful that God thinks I am able to handle it, per Heb 12:5-12. He disciplines those he loves, and that it is meant to produce good things in my character. But I'm tired. Exhausted actually. I'm trying so hard just to keep it together. I'm in the battle, fighting harder than ever, and now I feel like I have to justify my exhaustion to people that may or may not actually care about me, about my heart, and the things I have done.
Let me just say here, that I readily acknowledge that I am not perfect, in fact, FAR from it. I struggle with sin, but I love people with all my heart. I'm grateful for people that want to get to know me and that trust my heart, and I'm grateful for people that can relate with having to endure a lot of challenges.
I very much hope that I'm wrong, but I feel like some people don't really understand my heart and my relationship with God. I feel like people think that God is somehow punishing me for something. I guess that's possible, but my heart is (and has been) to hold nothing back from God and his Kingdom. I have great security in the fact that I don't for a second believe that God punishes his people for no reason, or allow them to suffer for no reason.
I am convinced he challenges people in a way they can handle and doesn't give them more than they can handle. These are his promises and I take God at his word. I sometimes feel pushed to my limits, and there are times I feel overwhelmed, but I'm still here fighting, so I believe that his promise still applies.
I also know that even though I have been "in want" in the past few years, God has also given me enough, not always as much as I have wanted, but definitely I have had what I have needed. And for the most part I have been grateful and have not stressed too much.
But now I'm at a place where I feel like this week is going to be very emotionally draining. I hope I'm wrong, but it seems like that. There are a lot of good things happening, so I will choose to think of those, but I would appreciate any prayers and good thoughts and vibes to have energy and that what I'm feeling now is just fatigue from the day.
Have a great week everyone, I'm grateful that you stopped by to find out what's up with Tim!
