What's up with Tim: Dreams Fulfilled, Struggles and Christmas Markets!

For the last week or so, I have really experienced the full range of emotions. I have done things that I waited 27 years to be able to do, and yet have still struggled with what I would characterize as severe discouragement, bordering on depression.

On Thursday, I woke up and just felt really down. Not feeling great, but also not sick. It was Thanksgiving and I had received an invite to join Mindy and her husband for Thanksgiving dinner, but because of the timing of my appointments, was unable to attend. So I just sort of moped around and didn't feel like doing anything. I just played computer games and generally did nothing for most of the day. It didn't help that I didn't really leave the apartment until the afternoon when I had the appointments. I don't think Thanksgiving was the only reason I was down, but I think it did play a role....

After my appointments, I called my good friend Jürgen (I call him "Sauerkraut", LOL), and he was just getting off work. So we met and went to grab some food and I was just open with him about my struggles, how I was feeling down and discouraged. He was very encouraging and, as usual in my times with Jürgen, we laughed and had deep talks and enjoyed ourselves. At the end, we took some time to pray, not just a short, superficial prayer, but a longer, deep prayer, where we share our struggles with God and pray for each other's needs. It was really good.

As I mentioned last week, Monday was my personal deadline for finding a job. God didn't answer in the way I had wanted, so as I recall, my thought was that if I didn't have a job by Nov. 25, that I would start making plans to head back to the U.S. and start looking for work elsewhere. (Although I actually have not closed the door on opportunities in Berlin...) So, it was after a few days that deadline passed that the "funk" hit me hard, which is normal for me after a big disappointment.

I have also decided that if I do end up returning to the states on Dec. 19, that it might be in order for me to try to enjoy my time here, while I continue to look for work. In that vein, on Monday last week, the weather was beautiful. It was sunny but cold, and the skies were nearly cloudless as I got up in the morning. Since I first came to Berlin in 1986, I always wanted to go up into the TV tower at Alexanderplatz, but didn't want to bother if the weather wasn't going to be nice. So this was my chance! I bought my ticket and away I went, up the shaft of the tower!! I was so excited! Back in 1986, I don't know what the tower was actually used for, but I'm relatively certain that you couldn't just go up in it and look around like you can today. Either way, I was excited for the opportunity and the views were breathtaking! Even in the Tiergarten (park), it still looked like the trees were changing colors! I could see my apartment from there, the Brandenburg Gate and many other amazing things from 203 meters/667 feet above the ground. The tower is over 100 feet taller than the Space Needle in Seattle.

A few years back, I was also going through a rough patch. I was discouraged because I hated my job that didn't pay much and life was just generally challenging. During that time I had "Sehnsucht", a very intense longing, for Germany. I would dream about Germany at night and daydream too. I decided at that time that I wanted to visit Germany, somehow, some way, but just didn't know how I was going to be able to afford it. I definitely couldn't at the time. The thing that was foremost on my "to do" list if I returned to Germany, was to visit a genuine German Christmas market.

On the same day I went up in the TV tower, I was able to visit my first Christmas market since 1991!! It was so amazing! I went to the market on Alexanderplatz (are you sick of hearing that name yet? LOL) and had a chance to enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells that bring back those incredible memories of the Christkindlmarkt in Munich from my youth. I went back in the evening and it was even more enchanting in the dark with the lights of the huts lit up. The sounds of Christmas music, the smell of candied nuts and Glühwein.... magical! One of the food huts they had there offered a pork goulash soup that was simply heaven in a bowl. (At 6 Euros a bowl, it had better be! LOL) I also tried the candied almonds (gebrannte Mandeln) and the dark chocolate-covered strawberries. Need any more reasons why I missed the Christmas markets in Germany?

One of the other ideas I had to enjoy the rest of my time here, was to take a short trip back to Munich. I lived there for 4 years from 1988 to 1992, and have tons of very special memories of another beautiful German city. I want to go to meet some of the people from the church there and to put my information out there to employers as well. But after last week, I think the best thing about going there is to get my mind out of it's funk and be able to see another place that has played such a HUGE part in shaping who I am as a person. This is the city where I went to college, owned my first car, had my first real jobs, had my first taste of freedom as an adult, my first relationships, etc, etc, etc. Munich is a very beautiful city and on a clear day, you can see the Alps from there! It also has a very rich history (but not quite to the extent of Berlin, sorry) and the people are very friendly there. For a very large metropolis of nearly 1.4 million, it's a very conservative city, which is very unusual. Most large cities tend to be more liberal. Munich seems like a small town in a lot of ways, but is clearly a major European city. I'm very excited to visit and see some old friends there, as well as meet some new ones as well.

TV tower, World Clock from Christmas Market

I've also been reading a book lately by David Bercot (one of my favorite spiritual writers) called "Let Me Die in Ireland", which is the story of "Saint" Patrick. The book was given to me by a brother in the church here in Berlin and it has challenged my heart and my thinking and has encouraged me more than I could have ever imagined. It is the true story of Patrick's life and how he had to struggle to overcome to become God's chosen person to help the Irish people become Christians (even though he was British). It's a very challenging and inspiring book. Another book from Bercot's, "Will the Real Heretics Please Stand Up" is a must-read for all modern Christians. Seriously, pick up a copy of this book, it is challenging and gives perspective on our modern lives and what the first, second, and third-century Christians believed.

Will also share some pictures on here of the Christmas market on Gendarmentmarkt that I visited on Saturday and the Opernplatz Christmas market that I visited with Olli yesterday. On that note, I am going to sign off here and get some stuff done. Have a great week everyone!