So, just a little follow up on my weight loss and health saga... After being on solid food for about a week now, I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed because I've gained back a few more pounds than I wanted. I think I'm at a net weight loss of about 25 pounds, but not 100% sure, it could be less. The cravings have subsided a bit more so hopefully my body becomes less and less ravenous.
Either way, I'm trying to be careful to not go overboard... Just wanted to be open about how things have been going. Gotta be honest, it's been a bit discouraging. I'm just trying to remember how much progress I have made, and not focus on the temporary backslide as my body readjusts....
So, funny story. I've lamented over the last month about how much I have missed pizza. Well, come to find out, it looks like I have a legitimate gluten intolerance. After having a few pieces of pizza yesterday at work, courtesy of our managers (thank you!!), let's just say I was not feeling very well yesterday at all. I'll leave it at that. Lesson learned, and since my craving for pizza has actually diminished, I don't feel the need for it now... Weird, huh? Oh well, that's a good thing.
Also, on an even more bizarre note, I actually crave things like salad now. I mean really.... salad? Me, the carnivore? I'm pretty shocked and amazed... in a very good way!! So I actually went out and bought fixins for a salad (with some chicken) which I plan to enjoy thoroughly.... Tonight I went out and had a Yelp Elite event where I went to my first ramen restaurant. And even though I am not a fan of soup, I was shocked how good it was. S.H.O.C.K.E.D.!! Made by a chef that was taught by a master ramen chef. Who knew such a thing existed? It was amazing....
So I want to share something. I have a feeling it's going to be a bit long-winded, but I promise you, I'm going somewhere with it, so bear with me as I share some very deep and personal things from my heart.
Since I have returned from Germany, life has been extremely challenging. At the time, life was just very overwhelming to me. There were always multiple things that seemed to constantly knock me down and try to discourage me. Often times I would turn to God for healing and strength, but more and more, I turned inward.
For a lot of years (even before moving to Germany in 2013), I was just in survival mode. The challenges were large and they were too much for me to bear myself. However, in my sinful nature, too often I would not take them to God. To my shame, I have to admit that the longer the challenges persisted, the more I relied on my own strength.
This was a perfect opportunity for Satan to start acting in my life and my heart and to draw me into sinful behavior that slowly, incrementally, pulled me away from others and ultimately from God. My lowest point was in May 2016. I was trying to buy a newer car to replace my '86 Toyota that was beginning to have a lot of problems. But everything went wrong on the deal.
To make a long story short, the deal finally went through after a ridiculous number of text messages, time and effort spent, and far too much stressing about it. One night at the apex of my frustration, I ended up yelling at God at the top of my voice while driving down the street, "demanding" that something needed to break. I just couldn't handle any more.
The reality was that my relationships in my church had nearly completely dried up. Despite pouring myself out to get time with people, and having very few friendships to show for it, I had an opportunity to make some badly needed changes.
I'm so grateful for Jermaine Peacock. He led the church in Spokane for the last few years while I was living there and in June 2016 he had posted that he was going to be in town (just a few weeks after I cried out to God). At the time I was not aware of why he was going to be in town until that Saturday when he posted that there was going to be a church planting of the International Christian Church movement.
I was so excited because I had wondered if they had a church here! Although I had heard some not-so-encouraging things, I decided not to listen to hearsay/gossip, but I decided to look into it for myself. I was so discouraged by this point, I figured I didn't have anything to lose by going. Despite this, I did still go with significant trepidation.
But the good news was that it was so refreshing! It was so much like the church that I had been baptized into back in 1993. It felt weird at first, but the more I learned, the more it fit perfectly with my own convictions!
But even though the move to the new church was kind of a no-brainer, it was still very difficult to leave the very church (and the relationships) that I had been a part of for over half my natural life. I had to acknowledge the possibility that most people would not understand. I knew that I stood to lose a lot of close friends because of perceptions of this church. But a renewed relationship with God was the goal here, and my relationship with God was revitalized.
Despite being actively involved in my previous congregation for many years, I never felt my true talents were valued there. I acknowledge that I could be wrong, but that's how I felt. As a result of some sin that I had been involved in, I was restored when I joined the church. But it was well worth it!
Not surprisingly, in the year since then, Satan threw everything but the kitchen sink at me: Constant and significant illness, discouragement, financial problems, relationship issues, etc. etc. etc. And all of the sudden I was super weak physically and spiritually again.
I was struggling so much and Satan kept throwing curve ball after curve ball at me. I say to my shame, once again, I allowed myself to be in sin again, feeling totally weak and utterly hopeless. In April, I was asked to stop coming to church for a while until I could work out these issues and start loving God again, instead of myself.
And that's when I decided to do the juice fast: to gain my health back and start rebuilding my relationship with God. I was so physically weak before the fast that I could no longer trust myself to make good decisions because I just wasn't thinking clearly. I literally locked myself in my room until I started to get healthy again, which has only been in the last few weeks.
Thankfully, and by the grace of God, I was once again restored to the fellowship on July 23! I'm embarrassed to say that that was the 4th time I had left God in my heart to the point where I had to be restored to him and to the fellowship. But my heart is in such a different place now, and it feels like God is blessing the changes he has allowed me to make in my heart and in my daily life. I still have a lot to learn and grow in, but my heart is nowhere near where it was just two months ago! To God be the glory!
So this is why I shared this: God is moving in an area of my life that I am absolutely, completely, and totally over the moon about. A few weeks ago, I got a message from a leader in our church in London. For the past year, he has been aware of the fact that my heart has been to return to Germany. It's likely that this leader will be sending out the church to Berlin next year and they have encouraged me to try to find a way to move to London as soon as I am able to get training.
This is what I was trying to share on July 17th in my facebook post: "Be still my heart. I hope this is an open door for me. My heart might just explode..."
There is so much that would need to happen for me to be able to do this. I am currently preparing to sell my house in Spokane. If I am able to sell it for a certain amount, I should be able to pay off all my debt, go to school for about 6 months to get my TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) Certificate and prayerfully be able to return to Berlin next year. Having this certificate in hand would help me immensely in finding work in Berlin. It's my best shot actually. I didn't know that before going over in 2013.
So I hate to ask for more prayers, but I'm asking God for my house to sell for $128,000. With this, I would be able to move to London, go to school for about 6 months to get my TEFL. Please pray for me to be able to take care of everything I need to this weekend when I go to work on my house in Spokane so that it can be put on the market next week. Please also pray (I hate asking so much) for cool weather. The forecast s calling for almost 100 degree weather (38 C).
I'm so excited for this time. God has been so merciful and patient with me. I truly don't deserve him! Thank you for reading this blog post to the end. I know it was long, but there was no way to say the things I wanted to say in a short space. I'm so thankful that you were willing to persevere through the long text. Thank you! And thank you for your friendship and support!
Good night and stay cool this week while Seattle heats up! Would love to hear your thoughts and please feel free to contact me if you have any questions! My email address is timmorse@outlook.com.
Thanks!!
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