There's Light at the End of the Tunnel!

Hey all!  Welcome back...  Well, it's day 38 of my time here in Berlin, almost half way point if I don't find a job...  I've gotta be honest, it's starting to get real now.  I need to find a job very soon!

Unfortunately, the past seven days has been a complete wash.  I've been sick and just have not had energy to do much. I was starting to feel better last weekend, but think I pushed it too hard and got sick again.  Hmph.  Yesterday I decided I wanted to get out of the house and had an appointment to look at joining a gym.  Well, it would suffice to say, they were just not very reasonably priced and I couldn't do it...  So I went looking for another place I had seen from the train, not too far away.  I once again ended up on a long walk. Never did find the place but did eventually figure out what I did wrong at least.  Oh well, will try it another time.

I ended up going to "Connections", the library, and got a chance to spend some time with Larry and Micah and Kati.  Kati is a not-quite two-year-old adorable little girl that Micah watches most days.  Kati and are buds now and the cool thing is that the family just lives a couple blocks away from me!  Anyway, I digress.... So I was sitting there at Connections and just generally wasn't feeling well (stomach this time, not the usual head/chest/sore throat crud) and I basically had to excuse myself from a conversation I was having with one of the regular visitors to the library.  By this time I was really starting to feel weak and thought I just need to get home.  So I left and was just starting to feel really awful.  Lots of stomach pain, headache, etc. I was really miserable with this round of whatever was coming at me.  I got home maybe around 6:30 or so last night and just laid around writhing in discomfort and wanting to just get sick and get it over with.  I was able to do a lot of sleeping, in fact, except for maybe 3 hours in between, I slept from 7pm last night until noon today. I guess my body was needing some serious rest!  So slowly today I have been feeling better. I made some dinner tonight, the first solid food I've had in me since about 2pm yesterday.  So far so good!

For those of you that know me well, I'm pretty much an open book. I wear my heart on my sleeve and people can usually tell by looking at me what kind of mood I'm in.  LOL...  Anyway, I'm very grateful for this blog.  When I was in high school and college I used to write quite a bit.  Short stories, poems, stories for the school paper, etc.  This is the first time I have done serious writing in a long time. I am also the type of person that needs to be "open" about the stuff that's going on in my life.  As a Christian, I regularly confess my sins to people and in life I try to do much the same.  Writing gives me the ability to share my feelings (whether anyone is actually reading my blog or not, which you ARE!!!)  and experiences and it's very therapeutic for me.  If I feel frustrated about a situation, I get it out and I feel better. I need that.  This has been an incredibly fun and interesting time in my life, these past 38 days, but they have also been very challenging, too.  I just love being able to tell all of you, and anyone else that is interested in listening, what's up with Tim!

Now about the blog, I'm very curious about something.  You know us Americans, we need to have all the statistics and flow charts and such to see how we are doing.  I don't live by such things, but every once in a while, they are interesting.  Well, blogspot has a new (I think) feature that shows how many hits on the website, how many comments, etc.  I noticed they also track what they called the "audience".  This is basically the people that have been reading my blog, where they are, what web browsers they use, etc.  (Seems a bit much to me, but it's interesting I guess.)  Well, there has been an increasing audience for this blog in Russia. Right off the top of my head, I can think of two people that are friends of mine on Facebook (where I have mostly "marketed" this blog), but I'm getting nearly as many hits in Russia as I am from the US (and Germany needs to catch up, too. *ahem*)  LOL! Just kidding Germany.  :)  But seriously, I am very curious as to why that is.  If anyone is willing to say hi to me from Russia, I would be super encouraged. If you don't want to comment on this site, you can email me at amerigerman@gmail.com.  Thanks!

So with feeling lousy this week, and the mounting pressure to "perform" and put my name out there for jobs, and also starting to get a little concerned about money, I have been kind of struggling this week.  You know how it gets when you are sick.  I'm thinking to myself, I have all this work to do and just not having ANY energy to do it.  It felt beyond overwhelming!!!  But after today and getting some well-needed rest for my body, I'm feeling hopeful again. Still concerned about cash-flow, but still hopeful.  I also posted a response on someone's facebook post this week that was in sort of the "darkest hour" of my week.  I offended her pretty badly and I really hope she knows how sorry I am.  I'm convicted that I let my circumstances take over my attitude. I really hope she can forgive me, I feel terrible about it.

Please be praying for me to find a job.  I know God will bless my efforts here. All along this process I have striven to trust God, to not rely on my own strengths, my own comfort or understanding; I've sold nearly everything I had in order to be here.  If I can't make it work here, I'm not sure what I will do.  If after 90 days is up, I do have a return ticket to the US, but I really don't want to use it.  Even if I did go back, I just don't believe there's much of a future for me there. It's a long story....

For now, I'm just grateful that I'm feeling more healthy, that I have more energy and that I have my relationship with God.  I'm very excited for tomorrow because I get to have lunch with Matthias (he's been such a good friend to me), then we have a H.O.P.E. open house at the senior center which is near where I live.  I know I'll do much better after I have been able to spend some time with the old folks.  I love to hear their stories!  Then I think we have bible talk in the evening, too.  So, tomorrow should be very eventful and fun! I also get to meet up with Christian to pray in the morning.  That's always very encouraging, too!

That's it for now. Thanks for following the life and times of a crazy Ami in Germany.  I'm grateful for all of you, including those of you I have never met before (especially in Russia!) Have a great night!