Anyway, I got a bit ahead of myself on the story... So, I wasn't exactly sure where this office was and I had to go get a "passport quality" picture taken of myself before my appointment and had to figure out where to get that done. After I got the picture taken, I surprisingly (and out of character for me here) found the office quickly. And, I was over 30 minutes early! So, I sat down in a very empty waiting room. Wait, what???? Why was this waiting room so empty??? This was the same type of office that I waited in line for like over an hour before, and that was because someone gave me their lower number... I was confused. Slowly I realized that I should have pulled a number when I got there, because the wait time was like 15 minutes!!!! D'oh!!!! Only me, I tell ya. This can only happen to me! So I watched everyone in the room get called and the room cleared twice in the time I was there. But I figured I would just wait out my appointment. That's okay because the process was very quick and relatively easy. I have to go back in about 5 weeks to pick it up from there. I'm cheap, I didn't want to spend the extra to have it sent to me. :)
So I think I have mentioned it before, but if not, let me just say now that I absolutely hate (loathe, despise, abhor, dislike) looking for work. What's worse is that I'm doing it in another country where I have few rights as a non-European citizen, not to mention that I'm trying to market myself in another language. I run into roadblock after roadblock and began to feel just super overwhelmed by all of this. I knew that this process would be difficult but I don't think anything could have prepared me for what I have been learning during this process. So for the past two days, on top of being just generally exhausted, I began to feel kind of numb, and was throwing a HUGE pity party for myself. I was just getting down, frustrated and just overall didn't know how to overcome all these tremendously challenging roadblocks.
Now, I am a firm believer in the battle of good vs evil. Hang with me for a minute and I'll prove it.... So, if you are not a believer in this phenomenon, then let me ask you a question. When was the last time you tried to make a major positive change in your life? Was it really easy? Things just fell into place, it was easy to drop that 50 pounds, and in the morning you sprung out of bed to go running/to the gym, etc. Right? Yeah, not so much!!! Call it what you want, but I believe this is an extremely well documented phenomenon that has repeated itself billions of times for the entire history of humanity. Every self-help book in the world also recognizes this and encourages us to fight through those tough times. Am I right?
Anyway, so the one thing I have tried to remember for the last year and a half is that there is a goal to be achieved here. I have worked too hard for too long, and sacrificed too much. I've given up my comfort, friends, my dog, cars, being close to family, etc. I did so willingly and not under any kind of pressure, except for possibly from within . I have had to fight through every emotion, a tremendous amount of physical and emotional pain (giving my dog away, for example), and to some extent I thought the goal was to get to Germany. To some extent that is true, but really that was just one of the major steps.
In any case, I let myself be overcome by my situation, and as is my custom, I tried to just power through it all instead of getting down on my knees and praying about it to the one who actually has the authority to help me through all this. I opened up to my good friend John Biggerstaff about some stuff I was feeling and what it was doing to me and he just challenged me to figure out how to get back in synch with Him.
This brings up a really interesting thing that happened to me tonight. I was feeling tired and just wanted to get home after being gone from the house the whole day. I got off the train and was waiting for the bus. I had just missed the last one by maybe two minutes. There are two bus lines that go by that stop and both drop me off very close to home. So I waited. And waited. And waited. At rush hour, I believe both lines run about every 10 minutes. After over 20 minutes, there should have been 3 or 4 buses come by. Not even ONE came by. The crowd of people at the bus stop was starting to get quite large and a little bit unruly. I finally realized that I was in a good place where I could go check out the local gym nearby (a promise I made to God before coming here) and I also promised John I would try to go to my favorite prayer spot every day, starting today, which is also right by there. So, I kinda wonder if my being there caused the lack of buses to come. Did I mention the bus arrived about 1 minute after I left the stop? I was super convicted and I could see the people looking at me from the bus, that had seen me walk away. I think the lesson was two-fold: 1. Be a man of your word (James 5:12 - Let your "Yes" be yes, and your "No" be no or you will be condemned.) because of the gym promise I made; and as a result of the first point, 2. to deny myself (Lk 9:23 - "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me....) Remember, me coming to Germany is only a portion of "reinventing myself", the whole purpose of this blog. Furthermore, in regards to my relationship with God, I have tried to, at every turn, to really trust God. This is extremely difficult for me because I like to be in control. I hate to release that to anyone, including God.
God, please help me to trust you in everything. I really need your help....
So I did go check out the gym and made an appointment for Friday morning for a tour and a sales presentation, I'm sure. LOL. I also got a chance to go to my favorite park to just humble out and pray. I found this really cool tree that it's branches hung so low, I could sit on its large branch. I'll try to grab a photo and post it on here. Then, on the way home. BAZINGA!!!! I wanted to stop by the grocery store to grab a couple things (tomorrow is a holiday and most stuff is closed), so I went to this place called Real (pronounced Ree-all). I thought it was a grocery store, and it was, but it was like a HUGE department store too. And to my sheer joy, they had taco seasoning, flour tortillas, salsa, and even Tabasco! I was so excited I couldn't stand it. Most grocery stores here are about the size of a 7-11 or maybe a bit larger, some not even that big. This store was about the size of an American grocery store. I was so excited and it's within walking distance of my house, about 15-20 min. I can't wait to make some tacos!!! Unfortunately, though I forgot to grab some cheese... D'oh!!! I guess it'll have to wait until Friday. Oops.
Next week I have a meeting with the unemployment office and I would appreciate prayers (good thoughts and vibes) for me to be able to get a work permit BEFORE I get a job. I don't know if it's possible, but that is one of the questions that I will be asking for sure. It's next Tuesday 5/14.
One of the things I have been feeling lately is that one of the good things about me is that, for the most part, I am generally in touch with my strengths and my weaknesses. I know how capable I am to be successful in just about anything I put my mind to, that I'm fun to work with, intelligent, able to lead, etc. I just want the opportunity to show people what I am capable of. Honestly, I have been frustrated lately because I am tired of being broke all the time. I want to be able to be generous, have people over to my house, serve them, feed them, have fun, etc. I reached a point where I just don't understand why it's been so difficult to find a job. It seems to be (relatively) easy for others, and I'm just tired of scraping by, taking jobs that do not use my talents, etc. I'm not unhappy with my situation per se, but I want to feel useful and contribute to the success of a company again.
I just realized I never explained the title to this post. Well, I guess it was inevitable that there would be some great challenges facing me in this exercise of faith and hard work. I don't think I appreciated how much this would rock me this week. Please continue to pray for me as I learn how to trust God even more, humble out and just work hard to find a job. Money isn't going to hold out forever...
So, that's it. That's enough for tonight. It's 12:35a.m. and I'm pooped out! I seem to be getting a sore throat, so time for Emergen-C, orange juice, lots of fluids and sleep. Thanks for reading tonight and for all your love and support, good thoughts and vibes. Your being there just to read my blog has really made a difference to me. I mean it, thank all of you. As of today, over 1150 hits on my blog! I'm very grateful for all of you! Good night!
No comments:
Post a Comment