What's up with Tim: A Little Excursion

The last few days have been interesting to say the least. There are always great things going on even when it seems like the little things have taken over my thoughts and my heart. My post last night was good. I really do try to keep this blog very light and easy to read, and enjoyable as I share with you the adventures (and misadventures) of this incredibly remarkable time in my life. To me, this blog is part pressure valve, part confessional, part inclusion of friends, part stream of consciousness. I really try to fight the urge to be negative because I believe that there is more to be thankful for in everyone's life, than there is to complain about. If that is not the case for you, I would encourage you to write a list of things you are thankful for, things that you own that you enjoy and every friend and relative that you know. You'll find that you do have so much to be grateful for...

But I digress... Yesterday was emotional for me. I woke up in the morning and rode my bike to the river to pray. Man, I just love riding my bike. Seriously, there's something familiar yet primal about it, especially when you share the street with cars and buses whizzing by you just a foot or two away from you. I love it.... Anyway, so I went down and had some prayer time at the river. My heart was just so full of joy and gratitude. I prayed about my job interview and felt resolved that no matter how it went, it went the way it should have. Whether I get the job or not, I prayed to do my best.

I also went to reload my wireless device so that I could get internet back, so when I got home, I started that process. For some reason I was feeling stressed out about it and called the company to do it for me. In the meantime, the phone number on the receipt from the store did not work so then it put me through to the information (in US, 4-1-1). That cost me nearly $3 just to find out it was the wrong number. When I did finally get through to someone, they said they couldn't renew over the phone, that it had to be done online. That was also a fee to call that number.

I finally got the internet working but was pretty frustrated by that point because it took me a while to get it figured out. Plus it was about 1 hour before my phone interview was to start.

The phone interview went overall pretty well, but I'm a terrible judge of these things because I'm a perfectionist. Especially for a job where one is on the phone all day, phone etiquette and accuracy is very important. I don't think I did great, but we did have a nice conversation. I'm trying not to obsess over every mistake...

Later in the afternoon, I heard a voice talking and it was coming from my pocket! I realized I had pocket dialed a number (it looked like a local number, but not one I recognized) Apparently the call had been going for nearly 15 minutes and it was some kind of recording. I still have no idea what it was, but I can only assume that there was a fee to call that number because my balance of 31 Euros on my account was now down to 6 cents and I couldn't even make a call to the phone company to tell them there was a problem. 31 Euros should have lasted me 2 weeks at least, it only lasted 3 days.... Ugh!

I went online and chatted with a representative who, in a word, was not able to help me because of something in the paperwork I didn't sign when I got my phone on April 9.... I tried to explain my situation, but she didn't seem to care. I had no choice but to travel across town to reload my phone with money I just didn't really have.

I'm not sure why, but after all of these very not-encouraging phone calls, losing over $30 in usage on my phone, bad customer service and being strapped financially, something in me just deflated. I've been working so hard, I've been trying to pinch pennies, and now I'm literally at the point where I have to use money that was earmarked for my mortgage payment just to use my phone. I've fought to get to Germany, I've fought for relationships, I've fought to stay close to God and it was kind of the straw the broke the camel's back, so to speak. I had just had enough. So many things seemed to be going wrong. I'm falling behind on my bills because I had hoped to have a job by now.

One of the things I have tried to remind myself when these types of things come up, is that none of our problems is outside of God's ability to see or take care of. He is in control of EVERYTHING... my health, my finances, my basic needs.... everything! Now, what I have realized is that I had taken my eyes off the faith that I have had and just felt overwhelmed. I told God, "This is too much!". But then as I was on my way home last night, I was waiting for the bus to come at Ostkreuz when I remembered 2 Cor. 12:9 -- "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." What this means is that whatever you and I go through in our lives, God does miracles through the times we have no power or control over the outcome of our situation. God will glorify himself when we can't take the credit for it. Even Paul struggled with this one, so I think it's okay if I try to understand what this means for my life too. I just need to humble out and trust that God has it firmly under control. I've forgotten that he knows better than I do.

So, enough with the heavy stuff, let me tell you about my weekend. So last week, my friend Oliver, a brother in the church here in Berlin asked if I would be interested in going to the ocean with him. I was so excited at the prospect! As much as I love Berlin, I also wanted to see other places in Germany as well. This was such a great opportunity! So I met him and we headed out to the towns of Ahrenshoop and Wustrow. Both are on the Baltic coast in NE Germany. I had never seen the Baltic Sea before and I was certainly impressed. The water near the beach was very clear and light blue/green. The sand was nearly white, but there were very small black or purple flecks in the sand (probably from mussels). It was very fine and the beaches were very clean. We did a little bit of walking along and above the beach.

One of the things I was not prepared for there was that people sometimes will swim naked. Of course there was a couple men just next to where I was sitting that decided to do just that. It was pretty awkward. So from the beach we headed up the hill a ways to a small restaurant. Oliver said he usually goes there when he comes up to this area. We had Sanddorn Torte, which is a tort made with a local yellow-orange berry. It was super yummy and of course, we also had coffee. Right above the beach, it was sunny and warm and beautiful. It was a bit windy too, the chocolate pieces kept blowing off the top of the tort!! Then an older couple came and sat with us and we had a great chat. Wish I would have gotten a pic with them. Oh well, they were pretty cool, we just chatted and laughed with them.

A little while later we decided to head back to the car and go eat dinner at at restaurant called Moby Dick in nearby Wustrow. It was a cool little place right by the boardwalk. We sat inside because it had just started to rain. 10 minutes later, the sun came out and Oliver thought it might be nice to sit out on the patio. So we did, and we got our food, but I was looking out over the water and it was starting to look pretty ominous. Clouds were dark purple and very low, but just behind them, you could see more gray clouds that were clearly producing rain. Then they hit. 30 mile per hour winds and heavy rains. We grabbed our food and drinks and headed back inside where it was warm and dry! It remained pretty cold and wet and windy outside and when we finished dinner, we decided to head back toward Berlin.

Shortly before we got to the Autobahn, I had noticed that the rain was gone and that it had gotten sunny and dry for a bit and I couldn't see any more clouds in the distance. I asked Oliver if he had ever been to the city of Rostock, which was less than 10 minutes away. He said he had, but would be willing to head there since it was still relatively early (about 7:30). So we stopped and started walking around what looked like a really old part of town. We found an old church from the 1200s that had been turned into apartments! It looked very weird, but the church itself was super cool. Across the street, there was an old building from 1590! 423 years old!!! The churches there were amazing. The Petrikirche had this HUGE steeple, I thought it had to be at least 100 yards tall! I looked it up after I got home and it was 117 meters (383 feet tall), almost the height of a 40-story building!!! This church was built 800 years ago!!! That just blew my mind. Still does.

So we walked further into town and saw another church, the Marienkirche. This church was WAY bigger than the Petrikirche! This place was so huge. It was closed by the time we got there, would love to go back and walk through these churches. All three of the churches are right about 800 years old. Mind. Blown.... If you're interested, here's a link in English for this church: http://www.marienkirche-rostock.de/html/english.html

So we walked down to the waterfront through where they used to store the grain that came in on ships. One grain storage building we saw was from 1795. There was just some great architecture in that city!!! So we went back up into the city and walked down the main shopping street. It really reminded me of the buildings you'd see in Amsterdam. The architecture was very similar. I posted some pics on facebook, and I'll put a few on here, too.

I forgot to tell you about the drive up... Oliver is like any good German man, he likes to drive fast on the Autobahn. Nothing new there. I have to be honest, I wasn't quite prepared for HOW fast though. One time I looked over at the digital speed readout and we were driving 132 miles per hour. This is more than twice the speed limit in most cities in the US. TWICE!!!! There were a few very scary moments, I have to be honest. On the way back, I asked him if he could keep it down to about 110. He was very accommodating. The way back took a bit longer, but at least I wasn't totally white-knuckling it at times. It was really great to see the German countryside, something I haven't enjoyed in a long time. Oliver has a nice newer Citroen C5 station wagon (black with dark tinted windows), pretty sweet.

Sunday was the official send-off for Terry and Sue Folker who lead the church here. They are heading back to the US to Tennessee to work in one of our churches there. It was very encouraging to talk to Terry briefly about what he felt the greatest needs of the church in Berlin were. He mentioned an area that I might be able to help out in. I hope I can stick around to help in that area. It was a beautiful day, had a great time with people and had my first Jaegerschnitzel (with mushroom sauce) since being back. Mmmmmm.... so yummy. Got some really great photos and really great fellowship. One other thing that I have to share... only in Germany... We went to a Biergarten that was near the church. First of all, as an American, I think it's funny to go to a Biergarten right after church, but one of the interesting things about this particular place is that it had a play area for kids. You know, swings, slides, climbing toys, etc..... For a moment there, my brain kind of short-circuited. That would never fly in the US. Ha!!!! Did I mention lately that I love Germany? LOL!

Anyway, thanks to everyone for your continued prayers for me. I'm actually doing fine, but just had one of those days yesterday where I was feeling particularly raw and vulnerable. It's so hard to trust God with literally every aspect of my life. I don't have my comfort to hold on to, all I have is the belief that my God will deliver me from this uncertain feeling I have right now. God, please bless my efforts and forgive my weakness and help me to overcome my doubt...