Waiting is Always the Hardest Part

I'm trying to give myself some perspective....  I'm working on being patient in my situation and trusting in God.  It's now been 4 months (tomorrow) since I arrived in Berlin.  It's been 6 months since I have worked. I hate that.  I love to work, I'm a hard worker, and as most men, I love to feel productive and useful.  Right now I don't feel like I am being as useful as I want to be.

I think about how long God made people wait in the Bible.  God told Noah to build an ark and it took Noah 100 years to build it!!!  I don't know about you, but can you imagine hearing the snickering and mockery of your neighbors as you build a massive boat in the desert in you back yard for ONE HUNDRED years???  Also, when God freed the Israelites from Egypt, God made them wander in the desert for forty years before he allowed them to enter the land where he was leading them.

So I guess my four or six months really is not all that bad.  Nonetheless, it is still hard for me to wait.  I really believe God is calling me to trust him completely, not trying to take back control.  There are days that this is excruciatingly difficult.  There are, however, subtle ways I do to try to take back that control.  Eating sweets, wanting to act out, be angry or agitated or just feel numb or apathetic.  I'm learning that these are some of the ways I act out my angst caused by the stress I allow myself to feel in my situation.

The reality is that I have had everything that I have needed.  I have not missed a meal, I have been able to get around town without problems, I have been able to do a lot more than you would think.  I have experienced incredible love, acceptance and generosity by the church here as well as from people at home in the US.  I have a powerful relationship with my heavenly father, the creator of the universe.  I look at all these facts and I feel a little bit ashamed that I have any issues at all.  I'm really trying to learn how to trust God completely, how not to feel stressed when things don't seem to be working as I think they should.

So, on the job front, I have decided to ask for a miracle.  My time is getting very short but I have to keep reminding myself that God knows the timing better than I do.  I have to trust that. I would like to ask for all of you to be praying for a miracle as well...

God has definitely also been showing me that, despite my trying to take back control, he still has a purpose for me here.  The past two weeks or so God has allowed me to prepare another Singles Devotional that took place last night.  I was asked to lead it and I was very excited, but frankly I think Satan wanted me to feel like I was just too sinful to be effective.  I realized this was just a tool to discourage me, so I decided to grab a hold of the challenge and do my best.  Unfortunately, I was not aware (or possibly I forgot?) that we needed to send out a reminder email to everyone to remind everyone that it was going on.  Either way, I was fighting not to give in to discouragement shortly before the devotional...

At any rate, there was about 10 of us there and three people shared about their experiences traveling over the summer to far away places (Australia, Korea and the Singles Conference in Budapest, Hungary).  After they shared, I had prepared a lesson on relationships in the church, and asked some questions about how we are doing now, and how we can improve it, how we can maybe set up our lives to improve relationships.  I led the lesson in German and frankly my German was not very good.  Think I was just getting tired, but I was hoping that despite my inability to speak the language well, that the point would get across to everyone. The lesson went quite long, but there was a tremendous amount of good discussion over some of the questions that were asked.  I cut some of the lesson out and finished up.  I was able to share a photo of my family so that singles could "meet" the people that I love back in the states.

I was really tired after the lesson, it had been a long day.  I was, however, very surprised by some of the responses I got afterward. I was very humbled by that but also very encouraged.  I had a couple good conversations afterward as well.  Katja and I cleaned up the library and we sat down to pray for a bit as well. All in all, it was very encouraging.

Afterward, I got to Skype call my Mom and then my Dad.  After those conversations, I went home, satisfied with how God had blessed the day, but ready for some sleep!

This morning my roommate returned to the US, so now I'm staying alone in my current place.  I really enjoyed having the company, but this will be fine as well.  Looking forward to the next couple of weeks here.  In my first apartment, I only had my laptop for entertainment.  Now, I have TV, DVD, internet, etc, and very comfortable places to chill out and sleep.  I really feel spoiled here.  Thanks to Larry and Teri for so generously allowing me to stay here!!!

Well, I think that is it for tonight.  Thanks for looking in and I look forward to seeing a miracle happening soon.  Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers, I'm eternally grateful....