(I started writing this post on September 1st and never got back to it. Sorry it is out of order of all my other posts, but I think it was good to post anyway, 6 days later.)
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Happy September everyone. Well after one of the worst weeks I have had in a while, I am looking forward to this week, new hope and happiness. After this past week, it just has to get better, right? LOL. Oh well, I do have some pretty encouraging things on the horizon this week and it is seriously CRUNCH TIME. I have just over one month to find a job and to have the authorities approve it before Tim has to go bye-bye.
On that note, I feel like I have some very important decisions to make regarding my life: job, faith, attitude, etc. Still reeling a bit from last week, I was able to get one kind of major conversation behind me this week that has been simmering on the back burner for a number of days (I hate it when I can't get them dealt with quickly, ugh.), had some very encouraging time serving the Singles last night at Connections and doing a little bit of planning for doing some fun events for the next couple of months.
Those rare occasions where I'm overly inwardly thoughtful are tough for me. When I get too heady or inwardly-focused, it's really hard to pull out of the down-ward spiral. The Bible is right in Acts 2:42-47 where it talks about the body of Christ (his church) is unified, they loved being together, met daily, ate together, took communion together, shared their possessions, etc. This is how the first Christian church was right after the first 3,000 members were baptized in one day. They loved to be together, they loved to eat and just do things together. It actually says they did this on a daily basis. They set up their lives so that they could have time with their new family.
I have tried to get together with people on a one-on-one basis more lately, but honestly I don't think I have tried to do this daily. Especially with how I have been feeling lately, I think it's especially important for me to be getting daily time with people. I really feel like Satan has really been attacking me lately in my weakest areas, causing issues in relationships, idolatry, etc. It was really good for me yesterday to serve the singles ministry because it really helped me get my mind of my struggles. I really believe God worked powerfully through that.
Today after church, I was also able to have some short time walking to the U-Bahn, and briefly on the train, with Scott Green (you get your time in where you can, I guess, LOL); then I went to Qudus' going away party and then we went out to the Mauerpark Flohmarkt (flea market) and then to Eastside Gallery, a long stretch of the Berlin Wall still intact with paintings originally made in 1990, shortly after the wall fell. I was super encouraged to be there with Qudus and to mark another thing off my list of things to see in Berlin.
I have also had two people in the last week or two encourage me to apply for more humble types of jobs (like fast food, etc.) and the person today told me that they often do the work permit paperwork for people. I guess I should really give that a try. I really want to stay. It was funny, this person said they know it's not my "dream job", but then I thought my dream is to stay in Germany, so if I could stay by getting a job like this, it really would be my dream job!!!
So, I say these things because it's time to take a hard look at my priorities and make some decisions as to how I want the rest of my life to look. I prayed yesterday for some perspective about my situation right now and honestly I was feeling pretty down and discouraged. Well, as usual, God was faithful and gave me the following perspective: Right now, I am truly living off the kindness of others and if I truly want to stay, I may have to take work that may not be in my field or even something I may have not thought I would be doing at 43... I have to be honest, it's a bit humbling to consider, but with everything else that has happened, I feel like it really shouldn't be such a huge leap. I don't think it would be a compromise of my beliefs in my abilities, but rather a confirmation that I get my security and confidence in my relationship with God and not my "profession" or how I look to others. That gives me peace to know that know God blesses decisions that lift Him up and not be a testimony to my abilities (that he gave me anyway).
Please pray for me this week as I look into these things and have another interview on Wednesday at 4pm (7am Pacific Time) at a language school. Please pray for God to give me strength to make the right decisions and to not be thinking of myself, but to love up on others and Him. Until next time, Tschöööö from Berlin!!!
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