Perplexed

I'm feeling very frustrated today.  It feels like everything I do here is wrong. Take the wrong bus, or the correct bus in the wrong direction, catch the bus that breaks down, walk the wrong way, get lost, lose a half day going to the embassy all for naught; the constant effort to get things done, and every possible distraction comes up, forgetting my stuff at home, an hour away, and the list goes on and on.

Man, I just feel like this is so hard.  I feel like I'm just messing everything up.  I'm tired, discouraged and can't seem to get my feet under me.  It may already be too late for me to find work here in Berlin, but I don't want to give up before it's time to.  Maybe God is trying to tell me it's time to go home, maybe he's telling me to stick it out just a little bit longer.  I don't know, none of us does.

So what do I do with this information?  I don't know, I guess just to trust God. I still believe in the miracles and answered prayers from my time here and from before I left the states.  I still believe in the loyal God, the same one that delivered his people from Egypt through the Red Sea and that brought the nation into the land he promised them.  God is a deliverer, he is a dad, he is a friend, he is a protector and a provider.  I believe all these things about God but my situation is challenging my socks off right now.

The fact is I just want to work.  I want to contribute to society, I want to earn money again and take care of my business.  For the first time in my life, I'm late on bills.  Every day that passes, becomes a greater obstacle to overcome.  Deeper in debt, and no options in sight at this time. The challenges don't seem to stop coming, in fact they seem to be multiplying. It's getting very real and a bit scary. I'm physically and mentally tired and just need some perspective.  I don't think I can do this much longer.  7 months without work, 5 months looking in Germany.  When will these challenges end? I need to feel some hope here and I'm just not feeling it right now.

This has been a rewarding experience, but it has also been extremely challenging. There have been some incredible highs along the way, but some pretty low ones, too.  Either way, I am confident that God is still here with me, but I need him to help me find work. There have been so many thousands of prayers, and I don't understand why God is still waiting to answer them.  I am struggling with this.

I know this is not about me, but at some point, I need help. It feels like nothing I do is working out.  God, please step in.  I'm tired and lonely and discouraged.  Please don't let me suffer in this way any longer.  I pray that you help me to find a job that will allow me to stay in Berlin, or if it is your will, help me find a job where I can start working again. I'm desperate and I need you. I just don't have any more time to wait.
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2 Cor 4: 8-11 -- But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.  For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.