Well, it's the very end of Thanksgiving day here in Seattle and I have so much on my heart tonight. I don't think I can get it all out tonight, but we'll just see how it goes.
First of all, I hope everyone had a wonderful day of family and friends, food, warmth, and fun with the people that are the most important to you. I was thinking last night about what my time with my family was going to be like today, and I had to take a deep breath.
The last few weeks, months, years have been challenging. I have tried to keep a good attitude, but lately I have just been worn down from all of the challenges and my attitude has taken a nose dive.
I have not been in a good state of mind lately and it has been bubbling over in a number of ways and situations and even in some relationships. But last night, despite what I feel are some very big challenges in my life, I had to deal with the fact that I was unhappy. VERY unhappy. Very ungrateful.
I had to really think about what I'm thankful for. Despite feeling like every step I make in life feels like someone is trying to push me back, I couldn't ignore it.
I had to really change my attitude because I knew that I wanted to have a good time with my family and this was an opportunity for me to really have some great time with them. My poor mom was very sick today and wasn't able to join us at the table, but was a trooper and joined us in the living room to hang out.
Before dinner, we were all starting to sit at the table to dig in and I encouraged everyone to come in to the living room to take a few minutes to talk about what we were thankful for, and to try to include mom as much as possible. It was a good time, and very good for my heart. We prayed and went back to the table to eat.
On Sunday, the singles at my church were having a Friendsgiving meal and I was very encouraged to get there early and talk with one of my favorite brothers. I was really upset and not having a good time (and had an even worse attitude) and as we were talking, he was asking me how I was doing. I was trying to be honest without being negative, but eventually I asked if we could chat in the sanctuary.
I opened up to him how I was feeling, it was a lengthy and emotional conversation, and he listened and was compassionate--a friend. He wanted to get together again this week, so I invited him over for dinner and we continued the conversation, this time even deeper and even more emotionally wrenching for me. Once again, he listened like a champ and has offered to continue to pray for me. Those two conversations really helped me deal with some very large frustrations I am currently having. Sometimes all you need is someone willing to sit down and just listen, and be there.
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We have life here in the west pretty good. Even when I feel my life is frustrating, upsetting, unfair, I know things are going to be okay when all is said and done. But I keep thinking of a picture I saw recently. It was of a man, holding his two younger sons, he looked like he was middle-eastern, standing in water. I thought of how hopeless his life must have felt in that moment. And maybe he still is in that place. I don't know. I'm haunted by this image and of so many like it of the refugees from Syria, Iraq, and lots of other places. Many images more gut-wrenching than this one.
These people are just like anyone in the west. They have dreams and hopes. They have good aspects and bad habits like we do. They work hard, they love people, they have jobs, feed and house their children. We in the west are not special. We're not different. We are all humans, we all have basic needs and this man in that moment didn't have any of that. Any of it.
I enjoyed spending time with family today and I don't feel guilty about that. But I wonder what I'm going to do about this picture. It's one tiny moment in one person's life. But there is a lot of suffering going on out there. I think the worst thing I could do is bury my head in the sand, forget that picture, and go about my selfish little life without that picture making any difference in my heart and in my actions. Now, I don't know what I can do for THAT man, but what can I do for my fellow man? This is really bugging me. But I need to do something. I just need to figure out what. I'm open for ideas....
