I love being a disciple! God does not let me just go through my life unaffected by circumstances, nor does he sit back idly and let me get comfortable. He is actively working in my life and my heart to make me the man he wants to be... hopefully more and more like his son every day. (I still have a LOOOONG way to go, just in case you were wondering!) LOL!
The reason I started this post out the way I did is simple. A few days ago, I thought I had a few things figured out. Well, that's not so much the case. LOL!!! God has such a great sense of humor! I still stand by my last post, however, it has come to my attention through the help of a friend, that selling my house may not be the best situation for me right now. Come to find out, the costs of selling my house are considerably more than I had anticipated, which means the sale of the house would most certainly mean losing thousands and thousands of dollars, which would leave me having even more debt.... So I am getting some advice as to whether I should scrap the idea altogether now and wait for a more opportune time. Either way, I need to make the decision VERY soon as finances continue to be a challenge.
I have been starting to immerse myself in things German. At work we often have time between phone calls to do some surfing on the internet, which management has ok'd. As long as it's appropriate and the websites have been approved. So I have been reading articles in German and just looking around on msn.de. It's been so much fun! I'm getting very excited about my dream!!! At the same time, I also understand that Germany is not the same place I left so many years ago. I am not wanting to go to Germany because I think it will be easy or fun (although I do hope it's LOTS of fun), I'm going because I want to be used by God there, in whatever ways possible. And I'm hoping that it will help me to rely on God more than I ever have before. It's scary, but at the same time, it's very exciting!
I've also been very encouraged by my new bible talk. I'm very inspired by the Baldwins, their love for God and others, their integrity and convictions. I'm excited to learn more and be more in and for the group. I really want to become a better disciple and I really want to be used for God's Kingdom, prayerfully one day even in a ministry capacity. Help me, God! Please pray for me to wrap things up here, to sell my cars, and liquidate the vast majority of my possessions. I would also like prayers for a job opportunity in Berlin. I'm hoping to begin working for a hotel or other internaitonal situation where I could use my language and service skills.
Thank you everyone for your support and love. I really would appreciate your prayers for God to make his will obvious. Look forward to adding more soon!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
A LOT of Catching Up to Do....
So tonight I could barely remember my login and password to this blog... Well I finally figured it out again, and to my horror, it has been 11 days short of a year since my last entry! All I can say to that is WOW.... In the meantime, my life has been incredibly busy, I have been physically, mentally and financially tapped out but at least I am doing okay spiritually. And working on it.... So, I'm trying to somehow synopsize EVERYTHING that has happened in the past 355 days. I'll try to keep it as "brief" as I can. Brief is a relative term.
First of all, my discovery of the elapsed time since my last post confirms my other epiphany a few weeks ago that this calendar year is quickly coming to a close. I swear it just seems like 3 months ago that I was thinking "2011, don't let the door hit you on the way out!" That was over NINE months ago!!!! This year has gone incredibly fast.
When I last posted ( I had to look back to see what I was actually doing then....) and it's kind of old news now, but I was able to fly to San Francisco on Nov. 30 last year to take my German proficiency test on Dec.1. So, I was able to take a long weekend and got a room at the Red Lion Hotel in Oakland and rode the subway into the city. I took the test and it was about 5 hours long. They offer 6 tests, from basic German to fluency. They suggested I take the 4th or 5th test, and so I opted to take the 5th (next to highest) and I was tested Reading Comprehension, Listening Comprehension, Essay, Speaking and Speaking in a Group. I did very well on every part of the test, except Reading Comprehension. Need to work on that..... Either way, I passed the test!!! I was so excited that after 19 YEARS, God still allowed me to remember so much German.
And for the next few days, I was able to enjoy old friends and the city of San Francisco (also an old friend since my dad was stationed at the Presidio and I came to visit during the summers of 1979 and 1980 as a child). On Friday Dec. 2, I was able to spend some time with a very dear friend, Cristill Cox (formerly Dooley) and her awesome husband Brad. They treated me to an afternoon in Napa Valley and to a very fancy dinner at Michael Chiarello's 4-star Bottega restaurant, in Yountville. SOOOO spoiled. We also visited Domaine Chandon Winery where we took a tour and also enjoyed some glorious December weather, 75 degrees! on their patio. What a great memory to spend such special time with such great friends! You guys are amazing! Thank you again so much!
So the other big story of the last year of my life, as many of you know, is my dining room remodel. It was the absolute bane of my existence for nearly 15 months, my first pictures being taken on 6/23/11 and my House Re-Warming party taking place on 9/9/12. I really wanted to do it right, I didn't want to be half-heartedly putting the room back together with inferior work or products (and trying to spend as little money as possible at the same time). Between removing layer after layer after layer of flooring in the dining room and kitchen, after re-wiring, re-venting, brand new east wall in the dining room, restructuring, re-siding, drywall (UGH!), seemingly unendless sanding, texturing, priming, mutiple layers of paint, flooring, removing and reinstalling cabinetry, etc. etc. etc., I finally finished enough to start using the room again on 9/8/12! Hallelujah!!
The project, however, was incredibly grueling. Not being as young anymore and carrying a lot more weight than I should be, made this a very challenging proposition. I struggled through anger, despair, frustration and mostly very little help (except Ryan G who spent a ton of time helping to put down tile, and helping dismantle my kitchen!). So after spending more than twice my "budget" for the rennovation, and dealing with problem after problem after problem, I was finally able to sit down on 9/9 after my party and take a breath! It felt incredible. The project had taken its toll on me in a lot of ways, even spiritually. I am happy to say that I feel much better now in all areas, but still have lots of work to do to get back to abnormal! There are still a few items to finish up, like trim before I can call the project "done" officially, but for all intents and purposes, it's usable!
The biggest thing I have learned through this process is literally one of the most poignant lessons I have ever learned. I have learned, in a nutshell, that the American Dream is not God's dream, in fact it's quite the opposite. I feel enslaved by my possessions. It's become obvious to me that my possessions owned me in a lot of ways and not the other way around. I see that everyone around me has that desire to own this or that... a house or a new car or the latest electronic device or gadget. What I learned about myself is that, to a certain extent, I only owned those things to be seen a certain way by others. Sure, it makes monetary sense to own a home, but the slavery it also causes is just not worth it. For the last year plus, I have not had money for food (although I've eaten, I have also gone further into debt.) and I don't have any money to go do anything fun. So, it has been kind of discouraging looking at the home that I live in and know that if I'm really honest with myself, I simply cannot afford to live here any longer.
My dream has been to go to Germany, to study and help out our sister church in Berlin in any way that I can. Since God has allowed me to still be able to speak German so well, even after 20 years since my return from there (as of 10/3/12), it really makes me think that God is trying to move me away from Spokane (as well as numerous other reasons) so that I can use that gift he has given me to help out in some way in our church there.
The plan has been, thus far, to go to school. That is still the plan, however now I am thinking that I would like to get a job and move over in January 2013 and possibly start with school in Fall 2013. Unfortunately I just found out that the school I want to attend is not recognized by the US Federal Financial Aid, so I am now also trying to figure out how to get grants, stipends, and scholarships to pay my way. School itself should be relatively cheap, but room, board and other expenses will likely be significant there. We'll see what God says about that.
So, here's kind of the culmination of everything that I have written in the blog today, as well as the culmination of a lot of time, money, sweat and effort that has gotten me to this point over the past year or more: I have decided to sell the house and the bulk of my worldly possessions to, God willing, make my Germany dream come to reality. Too many nights have I dreamt of Germany, even to the point of tears of missing my 2nd homeland SO MUCH, that I was actually depressed for a few days! I have learned in no uncertain terms that THIS is my dream, and this is who I am. I am praying for God to make his will clear, but I want to be "all in", to hold nothing back.
With that being said, I am also very humbled by a passage of scripture in Acts 5, where a man and a woman, Ananias and Saphira, were selling property to give to the church (what a sacrifice!!!!) and they agreed with each other to lie about the price to keep back some of it for themselves. By doing this, God struck them dead because they lied about it. This is a very humbling scripture, because as much as I want to get rid of everything now, I think there will likely be a few things that I do keep. I am trying to be very careful to not carelessly say, "I'm getting rid of everything" because that's not true. I am however getting rid of the vast majority of all my possessions so that I can serve God and not be burdened by "stuff". I hope you understand the heart behind this, if not, please feel free to ask and I'll be happy to discuss with you. I'm so excited for this aspect of my journey.
There is a lot more to say and there are dozens of other stories I could tell you, but I think I will leave it there for now. You know, I started this blog over 2 1/2 years ago. My goal was to reinvent myself and the initial focus was mostly on my physical body, which I do still plan to work on, but I'm learning now that I need to start with my heart and my character first. I need to trust God more deeply than I ever have before. I can no longer be complacent or fearful of ANYTHING. I must live like Jesus really is my Lord. I have to put my money where my mouth is... Put up or shut up, and let my life do the talking! After considering all these things, despite still being extremely busy, I can honestly say I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Now that's what I call "reinventing" myself!
My prayer is that God will be glorified through these things!
First of all, my discovery of the elapsed time since my last post confirms my other epiphany a few weeks ago that this calendar year is quickly coming to a close. I swear it just seems like 3 months ago that I was thinking "2011, don't let the door hit you on the way out!" That was over NINE months ago!!!! This year has gone incredibly fast.
When I last posted ( I had to look back to see what I was actually doing then....) and it's kind of old news now, but I was able to fly to San Francisco on Nov. 30 last year to take my German proficiency test on Dec.1. So, I was able to take a long weekend and got a room at the Red Lion Hotel in Oakland and rode the subway into the city. I took the test and it was about 5 hours long. They offer 6 tests, from basic German to fluency. They suggested I take the 4th or 5th test, and so I opted to take the 5th (next to highest) and I was tested Reading Comprehension, Listening Comprehension, Essay, Speaking and Speaking in a Group. I did very well on every part of the test, except Reading Comprehension. Need to work on that..... Either way, I passed the test!!! I was so excited that after 19 YEARS, God still allowed me to remember so much German.
And for the next few days, I was able to enjoy old friends and the city of San Francisco (also an old friend since my dad was stationed at the Presidio and I came to visit during the summers of 1979 and 1980 as a child). On Friday Dec. 2, I was able to spend some time with a very dear friend, Cristill Cox (formerly Dooley) and her awesome husband Brad. They treated me to an afternoon in Napa Valley and to a very fancy dinner at Michael Chiarello's 4-star Bottega restaurant, in Yountville. SOOOO spoiled. We also visited Domaine Chandon Winery where we took a tour and also enjoyed some glorious December weather, 75 degrees! on their patio. What a great memory to spend such special time with such great friends! You guys are amazing! Thank you again so much!
So the other big story of the last year of my life, as many of you know, is my dining room remodel. It was the absolute bane of my existence for nearly 15 months, my first pictures being taken on 6/23/11 and my House Re-Warming party taking place on 9/9/12. I really wanted to do it right, I didn't want to be half-heartedly putting the room back together with inferior work or products (and trying to spend as little money as possible at the same time). Between removing layer after layer after layer of flooring in the dining room and kitchen, after re-wiring, re-venting, brand new east wall in the dining room, restructuring, re-siding, drywall (UGH!), seemingly unendless sanding, texturing, priming, mutiple layers of paint, flooring, removing and reinstalling cabinetry, etc. etc. etc., I finally finished enough to start using the room again on 9/8/12! Hallelujah!!
The project, however, was incredibly grueling. Not being as young anymore and carrying a lot more weight than I should be, made this a very challenging proposition. I struggled through anger, despair, frustration and mostly very little help (except Ryan G who spent a ton of time helping to put down tile, and helping dismantle my kitchen!). So after spending more than twice my "budget" for the rennovation, and dealing with problem after problem after problem, I was finally able to sit down on 9/9 after my party and take a breath! It felt incredible. The project had taken its toll on me in a lot of ways, even spiritually. I am happy to say that I feel much better now in all areas, but still have lots of work to do to get back to abnormal! There are still a few items to finish up, like trim before I can call the project "done" officially, but for all intents and purposes, it's usable!
The biggest thing I have learned through this process is literally one of the most poignant lessons I have ever learned. I have learned, in a nutshell, that the American Dream is not God's dream, in fact it's quite the opposite. I feel enslaved by my possessions. It's become obvious to me that my possessions owned me in a lot of ways and not the other way around. I see that everyone around me has that desire to own this or that... a house or a new car or the latest electronic device or gadget. What I learned about myself is that, to a certain extent, I only owned those things to be seen a certain way by others. Sure, it makes monetary sense to own a home, but the slavery it also causes is just not worth it. For the last year plus, I have not had money for food (although I've eaten, I have also gone further into debt.) and I don't have any money to go do anything fun. So, it has been kind of discouraging looking at the home that I live in and know that if I'm really honest with myself, I simply cannot afford to live here any longer.
My dream has been to go to Germany, to study and help out our sister church in Berlin in any way that I can. Since God has allowed me to still be able to speak German so well, even after 20 years since my return from there (as of 10/3/12), it really makes me think that God is trying to move me away from Spokane (as well as numerous other reasons) so that I can use that gift he has given me to help out in some way in our church there.
The plan has been, thus far, to go to school. That is still the plan, however now I am thinking that I would like to get a job and move over in January 2013 and possibly start with school in Fall 2013. Unfortunately I just found out that the school I want to attend is not recognized by the US Federal Financial Aid, so I am now also trying to figure out how to get grants, stipends, and scholarships to pay my way. School itself should be relatively cheap, but room, board and other expenses will likely be significant there. We'll see what God says about that.
So, here's kind of the culmination of everything that I have written in the blog today, as well as the culmination of a lot of time, money, sweat and effort that has gotten me to this point over the past year or more: I have decided to sell the house and the bulk of my worldly possessions to, God willing, make my Germany dream come to reality. Too many nights have I dreamt of Germany, even to the point of tears of missing my 2nd homeland SO MUCH, that I was actually depressed for a few days! I have learned in no uncertain terms that THIS is my dream, and this is who I am. I am praying for God to make his will clear, but I want to be "all in", to hold nothing back.
With that being said, I am also very humbled by a passage of scripture in Acts 5, where a man and a woman, Ananias and Saphira, were selling property to give to the church (what a sacrifice!!!!) and they agreed with each other to lie about the price to keep back some of it for themselves. By doing this, God struck them dead because they lied about it. This is a very humbling scripture, because as much as I want to get rid of everything now, I think there will likely be a few things that I do keep. I am trying to be very careful to not carelessly say, "I'm getting rid of everything" because that's not true. I am however getting rid of the vast majority of all my possessions so that I can serve God and not be burdened by "stuff". I hope you understand the heart behind this, if not, please feel free to ask and I'll be happy to discuss with you. I'm so excited for this aspect of my journey.
There is a lot more to say and there are dozens of other stories I could tell you, but I think I will leave it there for now. You know, I started this blog over 2 1/2 years ago. My goal was to reinvent myself and the initial focus was mostly on my physical body, which I do still plan to work on, but I'm learning now that I need to start with my heart and my character first. I need to trust God more deeply than I ever have before. I can no longer be complacent or fearful of ANYTHING. I must live like Jesus really is my Lord. I have to put my money where my mouth is... Put up or shut up, and let my life do the talking! After considering all these things, despite still being extremely busy, I can honestly say I'm happier than I've been in a long time. Now that's what I call "reinventing" myself!
My prayer is that God will be glorified through these things!
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