Sunday, November 24, 2013

The Beginning of the End or the Beginning of a new Beginning?

Heart's feeling a bit heavy tonight despite a really good and encouraging day.  It's 1a.m. and I should be really tired right now, but just feel a bit restless.  Tomorrow is the day I set to have a job by, before I start searching for a job back in the states.  In one way, I feel at peace, in another the future is really unsure. This doesn't necessarily mean I will actually be returning, just that it's a milestone I have set to hope for the best and yet still prepare for the "worst".  I feel like over the past few days I have struggling to continue to believe and have prayed for that confidence.  Still have some very viable and encouraging job leads so I'm not ready to give up quite yet.

Made some chili for the roommates tonight and it was pretty late.  One of my flatmates called me on something I was doing (and had no idea... long story...) and I feel bad that I didn't realize.  Then realized I missed an appointment with someone by Skype in the states about that same time.  Feeling a bit frustrated with myself right now. Fact is, I was tired after church today and still haven't even taken a nap.  That was 12 hours ago.

Oh well. God is still in control.  I trust him.  Now more than ever....  My every need is covered and I can be at peace.  Need to pray before bed, so good night and many prayers tomorrow would be appreciated. Thanks!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Processing...

Yesterday was not a good day. Nothing bad happened, but I guess just the reality of things was beginning to hit me.  People ask me how I'm doing and I always try to see the bright side.  Sometimes I'm just glad to have an answer to "How's (a specific situation) going to turn out?", even if it's not the answer I would like, I'm grateful and happy to have an answer.  But knowing myself, it usually takes a few days for the reality of what has happened to really sink in.  That was yesterday, and yes, it was a Monday.  LOL.

So I got up and was just generally not feeling hot.  Not sick, per se, but just feeling tired and worn out. I think I also might have had a small stomach bug, too, but it would suffice to say that I was just not feeling great yesterday.

Looking back, it was sad, but even at times, it was kind of funny.  I kind of moped around and as I was getting ready to head out to have dinner with a married couple from church, I couldn't find my camera that a friend had sent me from the states.  I was totally perplexed.  I knew I hadn't taken it out of my room, and I knew my housemates wouldn't have taken it, but it wasn't ANYWHERE...  I finally said, "I just don't care," and left....  Guess I was just feeling overwhelmed in the moment.  I got home and thought about it for a minute and found it.  Under the bed, of course!! LOL.

I was feeling frustrated about not getting the job last week, having to continue the job search, doubting my language skills, feeling overwhelmed by debt piling up, having a headache, stomach issues, etc.  You get the idea.  To some extent, this has just been a brutal waiting game. I was praying and God reminded me last night of how He has really met my needs, taken such great care of me, given me friends and way more than I could ask or imagine. He really has...  The things I have prayed for (everything but a job, thus far), God has blessed me with more than just the thing I prayed for, but has really given me MUCH more.  So I surmised that God really is still here with me, providing for my needs for now, and that should be enough for me.  If I can be grateful just to have a roof over my head and food in my stomach for now, I should just be thankful.  The good news is that I have much more than that.

Walking from the train station to their house last night, I was just praying and trying to be open with God about my frustrations and disappointments.  It was about a 10-minute walk and was able to get to my destination feeling a bit more surrendered about my perception of God's speed in handling my requests.  We had a great pasta dinner and some encouraging conversation.  I'm very grateful for the time and grateful I was able to get out of the house for a while to change my attitude!

I have set a deadline for finding a job for next Monday, Nov. 25.  If I don't have a job by then, I will be starting to look for work as well in the U.S. (most likely Seattle).  Please pray for me to have a job offer by then so that I will have time to put my requests through the foreigners authority. Otherwise I will probably be back in the states on Dec. 19 or 20.  Thanks for all your prayers and support.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Quick Update and a Big Thank YOU!

It's 6:30 a.m. and am getting ready to head in to my 2nd to last day of training for this possible call center job.  I just wanted to quickly update you on my dad's situation.

 I spoke with my stepmother last night. She told me that my dad was put on the list yesterday to receive lung transplants.  This is a very big step and she was very encouraged for this news.  I'm very relieved as well, as it sounds like they have placed him in a higher priority level, so that they hope he will be able to get that transplant done soon.  Great news!  I've been praying for my stepmom as much as I've been praying for my dad. This has been very tough for her.  I have so much respect for her, she has been a part of my life since I was seven.

It has also occurred to me lately in a number of conversations I've had with people that have been following my story and reading my blog that you have been an important part of this journey.  You have watched my struggles, prayed for me or sent me good thoughts.  You have suffered with me, shared my joy and my sorrow and have felt for me and supported me in ways I may never completely understand.  I do, however, very much appreciate your support for me in this remarkable time in my life and your patience with me in the situation in general.

It has sometimes been difficult for me, and I have not always had the the emotional ability to spend the kind of time that you all would like, to answer your questions or to explain my reasoning for the decisions I make.  I just ask that you trust me and if I am unable at that moment to spend time with you by IM or on Skype, please don't take it personally.  Right now, especially, with the situation with my dad, spending more time away from my apartment, training for a job (which I hope by tomorrow they will want to hire me), and time spent with God and my spiritual family, I just don't have a lot of leftover time or strength.

I wanted to thank all of you also for your encouraging words on facebook and the thoughts you share with me, but if you see me online, and want to say hi, feel free, but I ask that you respect that I am still a bit raw right now or may simply not have much time to chat.  Please just ask me if I am able to chat at the moment. As much as I would love to get that time with you personally, please just understand that I may not be able to spend the kind of time I have in the past.

I'm so grateful for all of you that have been reading and following my blog and have been active in my life in many different ways.  Whether you realize it or not, you truly are a part of this time in my life and I'm so thankful for all of your prayers, I know God hears them and is encouraged by your faith in this situation as well.  I'm truly a blessed man! As hard as the past few months have been for me, it has certainly been the most remarkable and rewarding time in my life.  I will never forget the support and love you give me, it really does make a huge difference.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Building Character

I'll just let you know up front, there may be some whining and complaining happening in this post.  Read at your own risk. :)

In reality, life has actually been pretty encouraging, but there always seems to be a few significant challenges coming my way or hanging around making themselves a nuisance in my life.  The Bible talks about our hope in heaven in 1 Peter 1:6-7 "In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith -- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire -- may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

I have to be honest, I am struggling with the "rejoice" part of this scripture. This week has been super challenging.  It started last week with having to move and all the stuff that went along with that.  Then, I found out that my father is in the ICU in Arizona with double pneumonia, which is serious at his age, despite his otherwise good health.  Then I found out that he had been moved to another hospital where it looks like he is going onto the donor's list to receive either one or two lung transplants.  I'm 5,000 miles away and can't do anything to be there now...

On top of all that, I still have not been able to get in touch with anyone in Spokane to help my renter by looking at an issue in the house that needs to be evaluated.  This is despite having 3 or 4 people promise to help me with minor issues with the house while I'm gone.  Again, being so far away, I have ZERO power to do anything at all about it.  These are people that I know are busy, have their own lives, but in the opposite situation, I think I would try to help out.  I'm struggling to forgive and trust the people that have not decided to try to help me.  I feel hurt and abandoned.  If you say you are going to do something (anything), people rely on you to have integrity and to do it, otherwise it could put someone in a very challenging situation. I have to work through these issues on my own, but it doesn't hurt any less.  Even in the world, we say "Your word is your bond", the Bible says (Jesus actually speaking in the 'Sermon on the Mount') in Matthew 5:33-37 --  "Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.'  But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all; either by heaven, for it is God's throne; or by earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.  And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black.  All you need to say is simply 'Yes' or 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one."  James repeats this in his letter in James 5:12.
None of us is perfect in this, but especially as Christians, we need to strive to do much better in this area.

Between the very serious health challenges of my father and my family, my inability to move forward with my renter, and the regular stuff that happens daily, I have just been feeling beat down again.  I was so discouraged last night.  I'm so grateful that my most recent plea for help was not in vain and that it looks like I might be able to at least find out what is going on at the house...

I would like to also share something that happened to me last night.  I was unconsciously waiting for this to happen and honestly I didn't think it would take more than 7 months for it to happen the first time. I have shared before that on Alexanderplatz, there are bratwurst vendors that essentially wear a grill and they are able to walk around and sell their stuff.  Lately, they have a new recruit who is in a wheelchair.  I will seek this guy out before I go to the others because they seem to stick him in less-traveled areas.  As I was buying a bratwurst, a younger kid (late teens, early 20's maybe), walking behind me, said "Fetter Sau" which means fat pig.  It took me a few seconds to realize he was talking to me, but I just ignored him.  The bratwurst vendor's eyes got really big and he looked at me with a look like "didn't you just hear what he said?", moving his head to point out the kid that had just walked by.  I looked at him and said "I don't take stupid people like that seriously."  I really felt bad about calling the guy stupid, but I really just sort of blew the whole thing off.

When you are in the process of reinventing yourself and you have persevered through what I have the past few years, I just couldn't take him seriously.  He doesn't know the first thing about me, he was simply ignorant.  I don't get my identity from my weight, or any superficial aspect of myself.  I have my identity in that I love God and am actively trying to live in a way that honors him.  Why would I believe the opinion of any person that has never met me, spoken to me or tried to understand who I am or why I am how I am.  I am confident in who I am, and I actually really like who I am (even though there is still a lot I need to change) and any other negativity, I have learned to disregard.  In the train a few minutes later, I just started smiling, thinking of all the ways God has blessed my life.  I felt really sorry for that kid.  I prayed for God to help him out in whatever areas he is struggling that he doesn't know how to love. I really hope God moves in his heart powerfully.

Generally, I have decided to ignore negativity in my life. If anyone comes to me and points out something (even if they don't do it in a loving way), I always try to listen, because I believe that people generally wouldn't say anything unless they believed there was a hint of truth in it. That's not what I'm referring to.  I have to stand before God one day to justify how I lived my life, and I will do my best to explain to Him why I make the decisions I did, but in the end, they are my responsibility before God.  So are yours.  If I'm in sin, please show me my fault.  If you can back it up with scripture, then you will very likely win me over. If it's matter of opinion or a "disputable matter", I will still listen to you but I may or may not change it.

I have also been super encouraged by my new roommates.  When I moved in, they had just made some rice krispie treats, which is hard to make here because some of the ingredients are somewhat difficult to find.  They have cooked for me, and ask me frequently ask me to join them for dinner.  One of them even offers to throw some of my laundry in with theirs because they don't want to do a half load. We have had some great talks and it's been super encouraging to live here.

Also, this week, I have been doing some training for a company, in the hopes that they will hire me on for a call center job.  I really enjoy it a lot and am learning a ton.  I'm very grateful for the opportunity and could use your continued prayers for it to turn into employment for me.

Also as I got up this morning and was getting ready to leave the house, I saw this amazing sunrise. After going to bed last night discouraged and frustrated, and had a hard time falling asleep. I was able to get a little extra sleep and then saw the sunrise from God. I believe that he knows what's going on my life, and that he is going through them with me. Scott preached on that this week.  Super encouraging.

Sunrise from my balcony this morning.  Wish my camera took better pics...


Well, I have not gotten a lot of sleep the past few nights and it's 6:30pm and I'm already ready for bed.  I probably won't be going to bed for a while, but I'm definitely tired enough to crash right now!

Monday, November 4, 2013

Finally! An Opportunity!

Had an interview today for a call center job and it was very encouraging.  Thanks for your prayers, even they have *NOT* offered me a job....yet, what they have done, is offer me an opportunity to train starting Monday next week.  Please pray for them to not only have a good impression of me, but also that I can learn everything I need to and that I can exceed my own expectations, as well as theirs!  At any time they can decide to release me from training if I they think I am not a good fit for the job.

In any case, I'm very excited about this opportunity, I would be so encouraged to be able to work again.  Keep those prayers coming, they are definitely working.  I will keep you all updated on the training!

Saturday, November 2, 2013

First Impressions of The New Neighborhood

Welcome to my 100th post of my blog!!
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All I can say is WOW.  I don't claim to know what God is up to sometimes, but I have to believe God is very intent on encouraging me.  I am so excited about my new living situation, the neighborhood and just about everything that goes along with it.  I have mentioned before in this blog that during those times of struggle, I would often end up at "Alex" or Alexanderplatz, which is the main square in the traditional center of Berlin (essentially near where the city was founded.) I would come here to pray.  There's something magical about this place for me.

This is one of the places I visited over Labor Day, 1986 as a 16 year old, while it was still East Berlin, behind the wall.  This was the commercial shopping center of East Berlin (ie: downtown), the captial of former East Germany.  A lot has changed since 1986, obviously. "Alex" is now a vibrant and fun place with shopping, eateries, one of Berlin's largest hotels, the famous TV tower, and is a huge hub for local and national trains, buses, trams and subway transportation. People come here to see the sights, skate in front of the TV tower, hang out with friends by the fountains or just shop or go out to dinner.  I have been enchanted by this square, seeing what it looked like 27 years ago, seeing how it changed 3 years after the wall fell, and now, 21 years later, it's barely recognizable from it's suppressed potential of DDR times, thank God! No more soldiers and guns on the square, just shoppers, pedestrians and entrepreneurs selling bratwurst from grills they wear!

Now, I live just a few hundred yards from this iconic place.  In 5 minutes I can be in the Nikolaiviertel, which is the traditional birthplace of the city, complete with a nearly 800 year old church.  Eight. Hundred. Years. Can you even fathom a building that has been in one place that long???? There are simply too many historic and interesting sights to list here, it's lengthy! And I get to live here!!! So humbled and grateful for this incredible gift.

View from my window, leaning out, looking to the left


Back in June, I went around to a number of hotels around Alex and also along the Kurfürstendamm in West Berlin and I am realizing how many more hotels there are within just a few blocks of my apartment.  I am so excited because there are so many places I can apply here, that I can walk into, drop off my resume and meet people. Not to mention, there are nearly countless other tourist shops and opportunities in this neighborhood (souvenir shops and the like).  I can't even imagine how many possibilities there might actually be here.  I'm very excited to see what God does with this.

I am also encouraged that I can get most places in the city in 30-40 minutes instead of an hour each way!  My roommates have been so great and ready to help me with my laptop issues, and have already served me, fed me and just had a good laugh with them.  Our next door neighbors are also good friends with my roommates, and they also go to my church! We all had lunch together today and great food together and a great time!

Otherwise I had a good, but kind of strange day.  I got up this morning and took the regional train back to Spandau.  (Have I mentioned how much I love the regional trains? LOL) One of the lines goes directly from Alex to Spandau, so it was quick and easy! Dropped off the keys and some stuff with the former roommate and then headed back.  Got to the Spandau train station and I get up to the platform and about 10 police officers, with a dog, rush past me.  About that time a train was arriving on the track across the platform from me and the police officers hemmed in about 15-20 rowdy soccer fans that were exiting the train.  They were loud and everyone in the train station was looking at them.  I was about 20 feet (6 meters) away from the circle of police officers.  A few minutes later, about 20 more police come rushing up on the platform to fortify their presence. It was calm, but tense.  I wish I knew what happened on that train!!! My train came shortly after the reinforcements came, kind of relieved actually...

So, I got home and had lunch with the roomies and the neighbors and then had to excuse myself for my weekly Skype call, which lasts usually about 2 hours.  After the call, I decided to try to find the nearest supermarket to get some things.  I couldn't find the one supermarket I was told about, and the next one was over a half mile away.  No biggie, except when you buy a 6-pack of 1.5 liter bottles of water in one arm (about 20 lbs), another bag full of canned and bottled veggies, not to mention my backpack!  It took me probably 20 minutes to get it all home.  Whew!!

Got home and was excited to have a Skype time with one of my very best friends, Don C, in Spokane.  He had some people over for breakfast and I got to say hi to a few others that were there, Sara, Sean & Esmeralda and some others.  I was super encouraged by the call!  It's hard to believe that I have been gone from Spokane for 7 months today!

After that call, I had about two hours to do some more exploring.  I decided to go to "Alexa", which is a shopping mall just off Alexanderplatz.  I looked around a bit and ended up going to the grocery store they have there in the basement.  The other market was small, with not much selection and was it pricey!  This place was a bit further, but much more reasonable.  I think I might have to buy groceries elsewhere and bring them here...

Got home and had a conference call in the states at 9pm.  You've gotta love technology!  So, that was about an hour and then got some time to hang out with the roomies and their guest from out of town.  Interesting guy, good-hearted....  He has an interesting story, actually pretty inspiring.

Anyway, tomorrow I have "house church" worship service at 3pm.  Looking forward to sleeping in a bit, but for now, it's just past 1 a.m. Nov. 3.  I better wrap this up and get to bed.  Thanks for checking up on me.  Please pray for my call center job interview this Monday (tomorrow) at 3pm (6am PST and 9am EST).  Prayers, good thoughts and vibes welcome any time!