Hey all and thanks for taking time to catch up with me.
Before I get into this post, I just want to say that as much as I do feel exhausted, I'm not unhappy. Just physically spent. So this is not to meant to complain, just honestly convey the real situation in my life. There is so much to be grateful for, so many lessons learned, so many amazing experiences, and so many incredible people I've had the honor of meeting.
I think in many ways, I feel like the most blessed man in the world. What an incredible 7.5 months it has been. Since June 20, 2022, I've lived in four countries, and moved 11 times (tomorrow will be move #12), and I have a lot of thoughts. Since writing is so therapeutic for me, my hope is that this will help me organize my thoughts and emotions so that I can be more prepared for this move and the next steps that follow.
So to give you some perspective of how my 2022 was, I need to start my story at the end of 2021. But 2022 started off with me looking for a new car since my purple '99 Accord (Barney) engine blew up on Christmas Day 2021. So after several weeks of looking, I finally found a suitable replacement in Tacoma, more than an hour away. Thankfully I had my '82 Civic that I could drive to church and shopping locally. But it had a bad wheel bearing, so I didn't trust if for longer distances, like to Tacoma. For that, I actually rented a car, and then when I went down to pick up the new-to-me 1999 Accord, I rode public transport. At that time, I was having mobility issues so it was quite challenging.
So after I got the car, four days later someone stole my catalytic converter. I worked so hard to find it, so I felt very deflated! I was REALLY struggling. And when I submitted the claim to my insurance carrier, they had someone investigate me because a claim on a car you've only owned four days raises red flags. This made a bad situation so much harder. Ugh. But God blessed my efforts and the insurance company paid the claim and I was able to get the car fixed.
But it became apparent that the car had some other issues that I was pursuing and not finding resolution for. It was dumping oil, which was burning off the manifold, which is a huge fire hazard. My '87 Toyota (JJ) actually caught on fire to this very issue several years earlier. I replaced the valve cover gasket, EGR valve, and even broke off a valve cover bolt when reassembling which required a tow and several hundred dollars to fix at the mechanic. Just to name a few of the major things wrong... but certainly not nearly everything that the car needed.
About the time I got the new car, I found out they were sending out the Berlin mission team. And that's when the year really started getting busy! I got in contact with leadership, had a phone conversation, and was green-lighted to join the mission team! My dream was finally coming true! I was so excited and got busy with all the preparations that needed to be made to get to Europe!
So my job had been unusually busy for many months. And when I say unusually busy, I mean extremely busy. Normally, after tax day in April, it tended to quiet down. Not last year, it just kept going. Having been in this job for about six years, I knew this was going to be a bit of an issue. The job is very mentally demanding and when you don't get any rest, it can really wipe you out physically.
And on top of that, my manager was saying that my numbers needed to improve or I might be let go. No pressure there. By the way, though it was true I wasn't meeting the expectation, I was just BARELY not meeting most of the months. In fact, it was not possible for me to be any closer to meeting, and still not meeting. The expectation was 95% and I was at 94.76% for three of the months I was not meeting.
Between the stress and exhaustion of the job, I was starting to have concerns about my physical health. After a particularly rough May, I asked my (new) manager about my status in the job and shared with her what my previous manager had said, that I may be on the chopping block. She seemed very surprised to hear this. She said "Your numbers aren't that bad." Me: I was speechless
In all fairness, I was not trying to get fired, but I was burning out, and fast! With my health concerns and numbers TANKING, I was hoping they would finally let me go so that I could get unemployment benefits. When she said my numbers were not that bad, I was astounded.... And I really couldn't function in that environment any longer and quit on the spot. I don't normally do that, but it was time and my health had to be my first concern.
Then I readied myself to leave for London.
But not before finally having mom's memorial service. Nearly 2.5 years after her passing, Covid restrictions were finally lifting enough for that to happen. It was done 11 days prior to her 75th birthday at the church she loved. It was beautiful, and Roger said that the slide show Anthony Cross helped me put together was the best one he had ever seen. Fitting for such a special woman.
Then I was in full kind of panic mode. I had purchased my flight to London for June 20th, my mom's 75th birthday. I chose this date in honor of her because she felt like when she was sick and I was caring for her, that she was holding me back from my dreams. I hope that made her happy for me to realize that dream on her special day.
In all honesty, I wasn't anywhere near ready to go when I flew out. When I left, my stepmom drove over from Eastern Washington to take me to the airport (she offered), I grabbed the things I had packed and left my apartment a TOTAL wreck. Very little cleaning had been done and so much stuff was still left in my little apartment. So. Much. Stuff.
Thankfully Marvell Holder came through for me. I paid him (and possibly others) $300 to clean out my apartment, so I was able to get back $500 of my $600 deposit! SOOOO grateful for him doing that, and it helped some people be able to go to our church's Global Leadership Conference a few weeks later. I left the apartment on June 20th, and they had it cleaned about a month later, just before my lease ended. WHEW!!!!!
I also had to sell my cars. I actually made a fair amount of money on my '82 Civie, but due to a rear main seal leak on the Accord, I had to sell it as a Mechanic's Special. And I LOST MY SHIRT on that deal! Oh well, God is in control.... I also couldn't sell it before I left, so I had Stephen help me sell it, for which I paid him a modest sum. That was stressful coordinating the sale! LOL (But Stephen did a great job!)
LONDON
So I arrived in London, and the brothers (Jurij, Pablo, Aaron, Tosin and Harry) met me at Heathrow! It was the day after mom's 75th birthday when I landed. It was a beautiful sunny day and I could finally take a bit of a breath from the craziness of the previous months. At the same time, it was time to get busy. To start with, there was a rail strike so no trains were running from the airport so we had to grab an Uber. The wait was over an hour but it was better than the wait some people had. We dropped off Jurij at his house and then I made my way with the brothers to East Acton. A place where over the next 7.5 months, I would spend over 4 months with godly men that I will always treasure.
For the first London stint (there were THREE total!), I was there for six weeks before my school started. In the meantime, I visited Berlin for four days with Eelco at the end of July, and even got in a bit of sightseeing. I also experienced the hottest day ever recorded in England on July 19, 2022 at 103 degrees or 42 C. I didn't even have a fan. I wish I was kidding....
Then I started my schooling which didn't go well (see previous blog entry from August 2022....)
AMSTERDAM
After a few weeks, I was off to Amsterdam. I fell in love with the city and the church there. Seriously as much as I loved the London church, I think Amsterdam was maybe even a little more encouraging. Great disciples there that treated me like a king. So grateful for my time in Amsterdam. After a week there, the plan was to go directly to Berlin. However as Keonte and I were ready to leave for the train station, we asked to stay because the prices of hotels in Berlin was absolutely astronomical due to the Berlin marathon happening in about two weeks. So at the last minute, we stayed! In all, I was in Amsterdam for 28 days.
Then for the first time in over 30 years, I took a train ride to Berlin! It was so much fun, it was super enjoyable, comfortable and just a great overall experience. I had to change trains late at night in Duisburg. Now, I didn't plan it this way, but I crossed the border into Germany EXACTLY 30 years to the day that I left Berlin. I am certain that was not a coincidence!
BERLIN!!
But I got to Berlin and eventually to my hotel and I was finally HOME! I was a very happy (and completely exhausted) camper! It took a bit for my room to be ready at the hotel, which was a total throwback to communist East Germany. It looked the part, like it had not changed much in the last 30+ years since the wall fell. But it was cheap and that's all I cared about. And I slept like a baby after only about 3-4 hours of sleep on the train.
A few days later, Michael and Michelle Williamson came into town and we had dinner with them and I also got some time with them the next day as we spent some time after the mission team members that had already arrived met at the Brandenburg Gate to pray for the city and get a vision for what God wanted to do with us there.
So I had a great time with Michael and Michelle afterward and after lunch we parted company. Eventually I made it back to the hotel. That was the end of the encouraging part of the week, as I woke up the next morning very, very ill. The Williamsons and the Safe-Adewumis returned to London and Amsterdam, respectively on that day. But I was down. I don't know for sure if I had Coronavirus or not, but I'm pretty sure I did. It was awful. Thankfully I had been immunized and had received two boosters before I left Seattle.
After three days I could function again, and I was back to normal, more or less, within about a week. Brent Baker was in town from Seattle and I felt bad that I couldn't spend more time with him, but I was just too sick. But we did get some good time together, I even had my first real veal Schnitzel with him!
So I was about trying to find work. I had several interviews that went well and even had one company ready to offer me a job, but due to the immigration office taking four months just to get an interview, they had to give the job to someone else. As an American, I could only be in the European Schengen area for 90 days in a 180 day period. But appointments were about 120 days out or more. I was starting to see that this was going to be a bit trickier than I had imagined.
LONDON (#2)
I was in Berlin for 18 days before I had to go back to London for EMC. Money was starting to get very tight but I enjoyed the conference immensely. The European churches definitely felt like home! The disciples were incredibly encouraging. I was so humbled and encouraged by all they said about me. I could write an entire post just on the EMC (or European Missions Conference), maybe for another day.
BERLIN (#2)
So the Berlin Mission Team was sent out from the conference and on November 1, we were all on the ground in Berlin! The single brothers got a hotel room for 8 nights, then we were able to stay at a couple's apartment that were on vacation for two weeks. It was the three single men and a couple with their 4-year old daughter. But the apartment was quite large and we were able to make it work.
After that, the single men had to get another hotel room nearby for three nights until we could move into another apartment that we could have for 6 weeks in Neukoelln. Shortly after this move, I got very ill again. I'm pretty sure it was the Coronavirus as my symptoms were identical to those I had the month before. This time my illness was significantly more severe and thought at one point that I may have to seek treatment, and was ill for 2-3 weeks.
After three weeks in this apartment, my visa was running out so I had to return to London as I was not allowed to stay in the Schengen area any longer. I was still looking for work and I did have an appointment set up with the German Immigration for February 6th, the day after our inaugural service. I was legally able to return to Germany after January 21st, but didn't have the funds to do so.
LONDON (#3)
So after I left Germany, on December 12th, I returned to London. Amarli and Tom came to meet me at Heathrow and we made our way back to East Acton. As we were walking from the East Acton Tube station, I had the overwhelming sense of being home, and I shared that often with the disciples in London. I was able to be an additional two months there. But by this time I was suffering from severe exhaustion.
LONDON AND REASON FOR MY RETURN TO THE STATES
So what it had boiled down to for me was simply exhaustion. I was just not prepared for the physicality of being on a mission team. I really didn't know how much I could handle and I believed I could, but my body told me otherwise. I also think that possibly having contracted three very serious illnesses in as many months may have also been a factor.
Also, a year ago (February 2022), I was in very bad physical shape. I couldn't walk more than two blocks without significant back pain and writhing agony all over my body. It was very bad. I'm convinced that being in Europe for the last nearly 8 months that God literally and figuratively saved my life. No question about it. I could do 10,000 steps every day which was unthinkable physically for me a year ago.
And this is not a criticism AT ALL, because all parties that I lived with in my time in Europe were TOTAL and COMPLETE blessings. But I lived in three different places in Amsterdam, five places in Berlin and stayed three separate times in the brothers' household in London. Once again, I'm so grateful to God to have been so well cared-for by God and my spiritual family, but ultimately, the constant moving caused me severe physical fatigue that in part caused struggles in other areas of my life.
Leadership in London and Berlin believed it would be best for me to return to the US, since they could not make the mission field any less physical for me. They encouraged me that I needed physical and spiritual healing, as well as the fact that it would be much easier to find work while being near physical and spiritual family again.
So that's the story. That's why I had to return. I'm still hurting in those ways, however it has gotten noticeably better. Please pray for me as I rebuild my heart and my relationships, including my relationship with God. I'm committed to being successful, but your prayers would be hugely appreciated. God has already blessed my time here immensely.
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I'll end with a funny story. So as I was making my plane reservations, it was a non-refundable ticket. I thought it was for Monday or Tuesday, but when I hit buy, it came back with a message, something to the effect of 12/2 (February 12th). For a moment, I was unsure what it meant, but either way, it was a non-refundable ticket and there wasn't anything I could do about it. So on Thursday night, I said my good-byes to the Bible Talk and some of the leader brothers came over on Saturday night to say good bye as well because I wasn't going to be able to be at church on Sunday.
So when Sunday morning rolled around, I was getting ready for my flight, but it wouldn't let me check in. I was getting a bit frustrated and looked at my booking. Sure enough, I was flying on February 12th, I was flying on the 14th! I was so excited because even though it was 9:28 a.m., I had JUST enough time to catch an Uber to church! It made me really appreciate being at a service of the London ICC. (If you have never gone to one of their services, it's incredible!) I was actually a little bit early if you can believe it! I had to explain to everyone that I marked the wrong day and that I still had two full days in London! It was a little bit embarrassing, but it was totally worth it!!
On my last full day in London, I was blessed with being able to spend time with the Sirotkins. They had given a very powerful communion lesson the day before and they allowed me to get time with them. What a great way to spend my last full day in the UK! Thank you both for allowing me that incredible opportunity! I love you guys!
Any way, if you made it to the end here, thank you! Until next time, thank you for visiting my blog.
