I mentioned on Friday that I had heard the Berlin Transit Authority BVG operates a boat on the Wannsee (a large lake) not far from where I live. I decided to head out yesterday to take a little ride and WOW!, it was such a beautiful day. It was only about 65 degrees, but it was sunny with puffy clouds in the sky. It was incredible. I felt so spoiled taking a free boat ride across the lake. Back in May, I took a similar, but much longer boat ride and I had to pay 11 Euros (about $15) for it. The weather on this trip was even nicer, and the boat had seating on the top of it which allowed you a 360 degree view of the lake and full access to sunshine! I think I might try to do it again soon if the weather cooperates like that again!
Unfortunately, my camera is currently not working. I really wish I could have taken pictures of the amazing weather and views. Oh well, hopefully another time.
When I got home, I still had time to join the Skype call to some brothers in the states, which I had missed the first 3/4 of... Oh well, it was still encouraging for my heart.
I know I have mentioned this before, but I am so blessed by the friendships God has given me here in this place. I'm so happy to have men and women that believe in me and are fighting in their prayers for me. Service was amazing today, got to have my favorite lunch today, Gyros at Mr. Gyros with a group of six... I feel so blessed. I couldn't ask for more right now... well with the exception of a job.... :)
Have a great week all!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Friday, September 27, 2013
Snafus, Steamships and Sorrows
I went to the library today to spend some time with some people. Not long before closing, Larry opened a small package. Apparently it was the spiritual book I ordered last week! He wasn't able to see my name on it because it was covered with a sticker, but I was super excited that my book finally arrived. Unfortunately, Larry looked a bit perplexed. I opened the package and looked at the book and it was the wrong one!!! It was a romance novel! I wasted $6 for nothing. May not sound like much to most people, but that is huge for me right now. Gotta be honest, it was actually a little bit embarrassing, too. Oh well, not the end of the world, and I can laugh about it now....
Also at the library, I was very encouraged when I was talking to someone who was there, he mentioned that the same company that provides bus and subway service in the city also has a steam ship that goes across the biggest lake in the area (that I know of anyway). Since it's owned and run by the transit company that I have my monthly pass through, I can use that boat with my pass, so it doesn't cost me anything extra! The weather is supposed to be decent tomorrow (sunny but not too warm), so I am hoping to not only take the boat trip, but to go on a short walk/hike as well in the autumn foliage in the Grunewald, a very large forest southwest of Berlin. This is the area where I took the boat trip on May 1st. This is a different part of the lake and I'm very excited to see it on a steamer!
On a sad note, I just found out tonight about the death of another person I know. Man, this is so crazy. There was definitely some major challenges in his life the past few years and I don't know what caused his death. This is so sad, I wish I knew more... Again, feeling a bit helpless at the moment.
***Please pray specifically that I can get a job this coming week at a company called CCC here in Berlin. This is really my last chance to stay. I would need to have a job offer before Thursday in order to stay in Berlin. Thanks for all your prayers and have a super weekend!
Also at the library, I was very encouraged when I was talking to someone who was there, he mentioned that the same company that provides bus and subway service in the city also has a steam ship that goes across the biggest lake in the area (that I know of anyway). Since it's owned and run by the transit company that I have my monthly pass through, I can use that boat with my pass, so it doesn't cost me anything extra! The weather is supposed to be decent tomorrow (sunny but not too warm), so I am hoping to not only take the boat trip, but to go on a short walk/hike as well in the autumn foliage in the Grunewald, a very large forest southwest of Berlin. This is the area where I took the boat trip on May 1st. This is a different part of the lake and I'm very excited to see it on a steamer!
On a sad note, I just found out tonight about the death of another person I know. Man, this is so crazy. There was definitely some major challenges in his life the past few years and I don't know what caused his death. This is so sad, I wish I knew more... Again, feeling a bit helpless at the moment.
***Please pray specifically that I can get a job this coming week at a company called CCC here in Berlin. This is really my last chance to stay. I would need to have a job offer before Thursday in order to stay in Berlin. Thanks for all your prayers and have a super weekend!
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Subway Heartbreak
I can't get over something I experienced in the subway today. It's not uncommon for someone to get on the train who is homeless asking for change for food or whatever, but the man I encountered on the train was different. He was a taller Turkish or possibly Arab man, thin with bushy hair. He was, as you would expect, unshaven and wore a long knitted overcoat of some sort. He was unkempt, and one of the legs of his green pants were rolled up to just below his knee. You could see on his left leg large dark areas where he seemed to have very poor circulation. He had a very hard time walking and was aided by two forearm crutches. Every passenger on the train was very aware of him, some watching him closely, others acting like he was not there at all.
Usually when one of these people gets on the train, they usually will say, "Please excuse the interruption, but I am homeless..." and then have a short, very nicely worded and well rehearsed speech to ask for donations for food or whatnot. This man started this way, but then he suddenly stopped speaking. He stood there speechless, looking forward, as if into thin air. He looked like he wanted to cry, but more than that, he looked helpless, hopeless and desperate. My heart broke as I looked at the agonized expression in the deep crevasses on his forehead and all over his face. He stood there speechless for a few minutes, occasionally making eye contact with the passengers, but never finishing his speech. Occasionally he would utter something softly, but I was unable to distinguish what he was saying.
After a few moments, he would move further along in the train and essentially do the same thing. I decided to go up to him and I put a small coin in his tattered paper coffee cup. As it was coming to the end of the line, I watched him as he slowly moved forward through the next car. I wanted so badly to help him, but what could I give him? He looked so downtrodden, what would a small coin do to truly help this man out? My heart just continued to break to watch such desperation in a fellow human being. It destroyed me. I tried so hard to hold back the tears, but I just couldn't. I felt nearly as helpless as he looked. I wanted to do something of import in his life, and I decided to see if I could speak with him when we got off at the last station, only one stop further.
Somehow, I lost track of him. I thought, "Where could he have gone?" I didn't see him exit the train and he certainly wasn't still on it. As I exited the train, I waited to see if he got off, but I couldn't see him. The thought of his face still haunts me, was there something more I could have done for him?
The walk to the escalator seemed like a mile. As I walked out of the subway station, I just couldn't hold back tears. A fellow human being, cast away from society, ignored by mankind, thrown away. A human life that started off like everyone else's, so where did his life go wrong? What happened to bring him to this point of utter hopelessness?
I can't help but to think of one scripture. I hope this is applicable in this situation, because the kind of heartbreak carried in the lines of his face would be unbearable for one man to carry alone.
Heb. 13:2-3 -- Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves are suffering.
God, please help this man. I don't know what more I could have done, but I wanted so desperately to do something. I pray that somehow you can multiply that small coin into something useful for him. All I can do is pray...
Usually when one of these people gets on the train, they usually will say, "Please excuse the interruption, but I am homeless..." and then have a short, very nicely worded and well rehearsed speech to ask for donations for food or whatnot. This man started this way, but then he suddenly stopped speaking. He stood there speechless, looking forward, as if into thin air. He looked like he wanted to cry, but more than that, he looked helpless, hopeless and desperate. My heart broke as I looked at the agonized expression in the deep crevasses on his forehead and all over his face. He stood there speechless for a few minutes, occasionally making eye contact with the passengers, but never finishing his speech. Occasionally he would utter something softly, but I was unable to distinguish what he was saying.
After a few moments, he would move further along in the train and essentially do the same thing. I decided to go up to him and I put a small coin in his tattered paper coffee cup. As it was coming to the end of the line, I watched him as he slowly moved forward through the next car. I wanted so badly to help him, but what could I give him? He looked so downtrodden, what would a small coin do to truly help this man out? My heart just continued to break to watch such desperation in a fellow human being. It destroyed me. I tried so hard to hold back the tears, but I just couldn't. I felt nearly as helpless as he looked. I wanted to do something of import in his life, and I decided to see if I could speak with him when we got off at the last station, only one stop further.
Somehow, I lost track of him. I thought, "Where could he have gone?" I didn't see him exit the train and he certainly wasn't still on it. As I exited the train, I waited to see if he got off, but I couldn't see him. The thought of his face still haunts me, was there something more I could have done for him?
The walk to the escalator seemed like a mile. As I walked out of the subway station, I just couldn't hold back tears. A fellow human being, cast away from society, ignored by mankind, thrown away. A human life that started off like everyone else's, so where did his life go wrong? What happened to bring him to this point of utter hopelessness?
I can't help but to think of one scripture. I hope this is applicable in this situation, because the kind of heartbreak carried in the lines of his face would be unbearable for one man to carry alone.
Heb. 13:2-3 -- Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves are suffering.
God, please help this man. I don't know what more I could have done, but I wanted so desperately to do something. I pray that somehow you can multiply that small coin into something useful for him. All I can do is pray...
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
FAITH and Remembering God's Miracles, Great and Small
I'm 13 days short of being in Berlin for 6 months. SIX months. I'm amazed it has been this long. This journey has been very challenging for my character. Satan has been tempting me and hitting me in my weakest spots. Simultaneously, God has been there cheering me on, saying "Choose, me, son", giving me hope, meeting my needs and blessing me beyond my wildest dreams. Being in Berlin has not been easy, and God is allowing my character to be developed by the challenges I have faced here. Sometimes I have been very slow to learn, sometimes I have just wanted to rebel. Through it all, God has been faithful, forgiving and has been my biggest cheerleader. I'm still amazed and humbled that he believes in me at all.
I always seem to write posts like this after a time of doubt, or just in a time where there, in a worldly way, just seemed to be no obvious solutions. It's times like this where I turned to my own "talents" (which God gave to me by the way), or to what makes the most sense. Sometimes it's about not just believing, it's about putting it all on the line because you believe you serve the most powerful force in the universe, and I get to call him my daddy. I'm all in.
I'm learning to deal with the fact that my life and my circumstances from the outside really don't make sense. You'd be right if that is your view. But I don't believe they need to make sense if you're looking through a lens of faith. I truly believe God can do anything. ANYTHING. I can accept that people may not support what I am doing. That's okay, can God accept what I am doing? I can accept the fact that people may think I have a bad heart in doing this. Does God believe I have a bad heart? I can accept the fact that I really don't like being poor and having to rely on others for help. Does God accept this and meet my needs anyway? I believe the answer is "absolutely".
I had a brother in the church here (that I love dearly) recently share with me some his concerns. He also shared with me that he wanted to be able to do more to support me. I was really encouraged by his heart. He took me to my favorite place to get a bite to eat and afterward I thanked him for buying me dinner. He said it was nothing. I said, no, it really helped me. Again, he said, "This is nothing! I want to be able to do more to help you." I got out my wallet and I laid out two coins on the table. A 10 cent piece and a 1 cent piece, 11 cents. I had just finished my meal and the coins were sitting next to the plate with the remnants of my dinner on it. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "This is all I have tonight. I couldn't have afforded to buy this for myself. Without your help I couldn't have eaten this tonight." All of the sudden, his demeanor changed. I told him, "I'm so grateful for your friendship. You have helped me so much and have been such a great friend to me. Thank you." After that, we were back to our silly selves and we were able to go pray before we both headed our separate ways. Wow. How blessed am I to have friends like that?
Lately I have been thinking a lot about what brought me here, the answered prayers, the extremely hard times I had with the remodel on my home, getting things sold, doing all the things I needed to do to be able to leave Spokane nearly 6 months ago. I got a chance to spend time with another brother tonight, telling him of the ways God blessed so many prayers and how God went way above and beyond my expectations on every one of them. It reminded me of how much God has done to bring me to this point. Instead of feeling stressed about my situation now, God has replaced stress with gratitude. Instead of worry, God has replaced that with peace. I know I will still experience a full range of emotions over the next few weeks, but for now, I am just grateful that I have an amazing all-powerful God that even takes notice of a wretched man like myself. I have so many people here that love me, have supported me and have challenged my heart and my thinking. I seriously could not ask for more.
Here's the short list of the wonders God has done and is now doing in my life: God currently is allowing me to live literally with a perfect stranger (friend of a brother actually) for free, I was given a brand new bike to have as my own, God has provided me an extension on my tourist visa (which is rarely, if ever, done). I have had food to eat, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head every night for the last six months and I have friends here and in the states (and other places in the world as well) that are praying for me, not to mention the men and women of God in Berlin that have accepted me and loved me and don't want me to leave. There are simply too many other blessings to mention here.
I am still looking for work, and at the moment do not have a lot of options. That doesn't mean there aren't any, just not too many. The fact is, I only need one job, just one opportunity for my entire situation to change. I am praying for miracles at this point, just as I did in July.
This time has been a true test of the depth of my faith. Sometimes it's been good, other times it's been very bad. I have heard preachers talk about "stepping out of the boat in faith", referring to Peter's attempt to walk on the water to meet Jesus. Here is the text from Matthew 14:25-31:
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
Peter was the only one brave enough to get out of the boat and come to Jesus, yet Jesus still said "You of little faith." If he had such little faith, I wonder what the other disciples in the boat must have been thinking when they didn't even try! Jesus corrected Peter because he was focusing on the earthly challenges instead of the supernatural qualities of Jesus. That's where I have been this week.
There is one thing I would like to ask of you all though. I am still requesting prayers, but I really believe that God wants us to believe and not doubt. I would like to ask you all to join me with your faith. I would really like for all of us to pray AND absolutely believe that God can and will do this miracle. Faith encourages God, it's so important that he says in Hebrews 11:6 -- And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
The reality is, right now I really don't know what is going to happen in my life in the next two weeks. My residence permit expires in 13 days, that doesn't give me a whole lot of time. I don't know where I'll be in two months, or two years for that matter. I've decided I'm not going to worry about it and that I'm going to invest even more in my relationship with God over the next few days. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" -- Mat. 6:27
Lastly tonight, I really needed an attitude adjustment today. I was starting to feel stressed out today and realized my submission to God was waning. In my current living situation, I'm living with someone who has recently come out of a battle for his life. He is recovering from nearly a year's battle with cancer. The apartment that he has let me stay in with him is really nice, but he has not been able to keep it up the way he has wanted. I have been feeling frustrated about it lately, but God keeps reminding me that I need to be grateful to him and I should try to earn my keep, and not just be critical. So, I decided to go and clean the kitchen. It was pretty bad, honestly and I was kind of dreading it, but I went in and decided to give it my best. You know, my attitude really changed about it. It's pretty clean now, not perfect but MUCH better than before. My roommate is really encouraged by the way it looks and I felt good knowing I did the right thing. I also asked him today (actually before I cleaned) if it would be okay if I stayed for one additional week (before he was adamant that I am out no later than Oct. 1). Because my residence permit expires on the 8th, it would seem like a waste to have to move and then possibly leave a week later. He said that would be no problem and that it was pretty good having me here! I was very encouraged not to have to move this weekend.
So thank you all for your support and love and faith. I'm so encouraged by all of you, thank you for hanging in there with me these past months. Stay tuned and hopefully soon I will have good news to share, God willing.
I always seem to write posts like this after a time of doubt, or just in a time where there, in a worldly way, just seemed to be no obvious solutions. It's times like this where I turned to my own "talents" (which God gave to me by the way), or to what makes the most sense. Sometimes it's about not just believing, it's about putting it all on the line because you believe you serve the most powerful force in the universe, and I get to call him my daddy. I'm all in.
I'm learning to deal with the fact that my life and my circumstances from the outside really don't make sense. You'd be right if that is your view. But I don't believe they need to make sense if you're looking through a lens of faith. I truly believe God can do anything. ANYTHING. I can accept that people may not support what I am doing. That's okay, can God accept what I am doing? I can accept the fact that people may think I have a bad heart in doing this. Does God believe I have a bad heart? I can accept the fact that I really don't like being poor and having to rely on others for help. Does God accept this and meet my needs anyway? I believe the answer is "absolutely".
I had a brother in the church here (that I love dearly) recently share with me some his concerns. He also shared with me that he wanted to be able to do more to support me. I was really encouraged by his heart. He took me to my favorite place to get a bite to eat and afterward I thanked him for buying me dinner. He said it was nothing. I said, no, it really helped me. Again, he said, "This is nothing! I want to be able to do more to help you." I got out my wallet and I laid out two coins on the table. A 10 cent piece and a 1 cent piece, 11 cents. I had just finished my meal and the coins were sitting next to the plate with the remnants of my dinner on it. I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "This is all I have tonight. I couldn't have afforded to buy this for myself. Without your help I couldn't have eaten this tonight." All of the sudden, his demeanor changed. I told him, "I'm so grateful for your friendship. You have helped me so much and have been such a great friend to me. Thank you." After that, we were back to our silly selves and we were able to go pray before we both headed our separate ways. Wow. How blessed am I to have friends like that?
Lately I have been thinking a lot about what brought me here, the answered prayers, the extremely hard times I had with the remodel on my home, getting things sold, doing all the things I needed to do to be able to leave Spokane nearly 6 months ago. I got a chance to spend time with another brother tonight, telling him of the ways God blessed so many prayers and how God went way above and beyond my expectations on every one of them. It reminded me of how much God has done to bring me to this point. Instead of feeling stressed about my situation now, God has replaced stress with gratitude. Instead of worry, God has replaced that with peace. I know I will still experience a full range of emotions over the next few weeks, but for now, I am just grateful that I have an amazing all-powerful God that even takes notice of a wretched man like myself. I have so many people here that love me, have supported me and have challenged my heart and my thinking. I seriously could not ask for more.
Here's the short list of the wonders God has done and is now doing in my life: God currently is allowing me to live literally with a perfect stranger (friend of a brother actually) for free, I was given a brand new bike to have as my own, God has provided me an extension on my tourist visa (which is rarely, if ever, done). I have had food to eat, clothes on my back, and a roof over my head every night for the last six months and I have friends here and in the states (and other places in the world as well) that are praying for me, not to mention the men and women of God in Berlin that have accepted me and loved me and don't want me to leave. There are simply too many other blessings to mention here.
I am still looking for work, and at the moment do not have a lot of options. That doesn't mean there aren't any, just not too many. The fact is, I only need one job, just one opportunity for my entire situation to change. I am praying for miracles at this point, just as I did in July.
This time has been a true test of the depth of my faith. Sometimes it's been good, other times it's been very bad. I have heard preachers talk about "stepping out of the boat in faith", referring to Peter's attempt to walk on the water to meet Jesus. Here is the text from Matthew 14:25-31:
Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
Peter was the only one brave enough to get out of the boat and come to Jesus, yet Jesus still said "You of little faith." If he had such little faith, I wonder what the other disciples in the boat must have been thinking when they didn't even try! Jesus corrected Peter because he was focusing on the earthly challenges instead of the supernatural qualities of Jesus. That's where I have been this week.
There is one thing I would like to ask of you all though. I am still requesting prayers, but I really believe that God wants us to believe and not doubt. I would like to ask you all to join me with your faith. I would really like for all of us to pray AND absolutely believe that God can and will do this miracle. Faith encourages God, it's so important that he says in Hebrews 11:6 -- And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
The reality is, right now I really don't know what is going to happen in my life in the next two weeks. My residence permit expires in 13 days, that doesn't give me a whole lot of time. I don't know where I'll be in two months, or two years for that matter. I've decided I'm not going to worry about it and that I'm going to invest even more in my relationship with God over the next few days. "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" -- Mat. 6:27
Lastly tonight, I really needed an attitude adjustment today. I was starting to feel stressed out today and realized my submission to God was waning. In my current living situation, I'm living with someone who has recently come out of a battle for his life. He is recovering from nearly a year's battle with cancer. The apartment that he has let me stay in with him is really nice, but he has not been able to keep it up the way he has wanted. I have been feeling frustrated about it lately, but God keeps reminding me that I need to be grateful to him and I should try to earn my keep, and not just be critical. So, I decided to go and clean the kitchen. It was pretty bad, honestly and I was kind of dreading it, but I went in and decided to give it my best. You know, my attitude really changed about it. It's pretty clean now, not perfect but MUCH better than before. My roommate is really encouraged by the way it looks and I felt good knowing I did the right thing. I also asked him today (actually before I cleaned) if it would be okay if I stayed for one additional week (before he was adamant that I am out no later than Oct. 1). Because my residence permit expires on the 8th, it would seem like a waste to have to move and then possibly leave a week later. He said that would be no problem and that it was pretty good having me here! I was very encouraged not to have to move this weekend.
So thank you all for your support and love and faith. I'm so encouraged by all of you, thank you for hanging in there with me these past months. Stay tuned and hopefully soon I will have good news to share, God willing.
Monday, September 23, 2013
Christians, We Have a Lot of Work to Do
I am going to take a night off from thinking about my situation because I have some things really brewing deep in my heart.
There are, as of the exact time I am writing this, Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:08pm Central European Time, the world population is believed to be 7,147,352,122 people. That's over 7 Billion people.... Our minds can't really comprehend this number. Frankly I am not sure I can truly wrap my mind around the number 1,000 and this is 7 million times more! I know that if I want to buy a new car, it might cost me 20,000 dollars or euros, for example, but we don't really go into a car dealership with one dollar bills or 1 euro coins, so we never really understand what these numbers mean.
When I lived in Spokane, there was just over 200,000 people in the city, about 450,000 total in the county and around 600,000 people in the area (including surrounding areas, Coeur d'Alene, ID, etc.) That's still a lot of people. I currently live in a city of about 3.4 million people, approximately 8 people for every person in Spokane County. That's a ridiculously large amount of people.
So I'm sure you're asking why I am telling you all of this.... Well, here's why. This world is seriously messed up. Anyone disagree so far? Okay, so let's look at our lives. I have 24 hours in a day. If I have a job, between commuting and working, lunches, breaks, etc., you're looking at maybe 9-11 hours for that. If you have a spouse and children, well, there goes most of the rest of your time. I said "most" of the rest of your time.
As Christians, God calls us to bear our cross daily. What does that mean? It means that we are supposed to be Christians. Christians was a word first used in the book of Acts, when the people of Antioch called the disciples in the Church this name as sort of a derogatory term, meaning "little Christs". If we call ourselves Christians (or little Christs), what does that look like in a person's life?
I brought up the numbers to give us an idea of the mission we have to help accomplish in our world. There are billions and billions of people in this world that don't know God. Unfortunately, the devil has come up with a number of ways to divert our attention from the goal of helping as many people as possible to make it to heaven. I realized tonight just how much work we have ahead of us if we truly call ourselves Christians, so how have we set up our lives to meet that end?
So, here's how Satan has distracted me. When I was in the states and I had a good paying job, I wanted to buy cars to fix up and enjoy. Over the years, I had purchased and sold many cars, and at a couple different times in my life, I realized that I owned 6 cars at one time. SIX!!! Now, even with earning a good wage, how do you pay for repairs, maintenance, insurance, tabs, etc for SIX vehicles???? At the same time, I was living as a single man, owned a home, had a dog and had plenty of responsibilities with the house. On top of that, I was working 40 hours a week at a very demanding job, and my "to do" list was getting seriously out of hand.
Then when I lost my job and for a few years took jobs that were not enough to pay my bills, I tore through my 401k, and got roommates to help with the cost of my home. It still wasn't enough to keep me from going further into debt. I don't have an extravagant house, it's 800 square feet with a basement. I paid $77,000 for it in 2004. Somehow due to poor financial handling on my part, I took out a 2nd mortgage because I had too much other debt. It definitely lowered my payments, but now I owe over 90k on the house and after nearly 10 years, I do have equity on it, but not much.
When God gave me the idea to move to Germany, I was puzzled. I had worked so hard for this home, I had lived there for 9 years and my life was comfortable and good. Right? Wrong. I had become totally complacent with my life. Now, I'm not necessarily saying it's wrong to own a home or have a dog or a couple of cars. What I am saying is that for me, my stuff started to own me. I was afraid of losing my comfort and my control, and frankly I was afraid of what people would think of me. Of course, what I didn't realize, is that is what I was afraid of (and doing) all along. That is how I lived my life. How would people think of me if I buy a house? What will people think of me for having __________?
We all want comfort and there is no sin in that. However, comfort became my drug of choice. I held on so dearly to it, I indulged in it, I loved it and I never wanted to lose it. It was my idol.
So what is the solution? I decided that if I was going to actually move to Germany, I did not want to be "weighed down" with having all my stuff sit in storage somewhere for who knows how long. One thing I did know, was that life is pretty simple in Germany and I could live in an apartment, sharing the space (and expense) possibly with one or two others.
If I lived in the city, I would not need the expense of a car, I could buy a monthly pass to ride the rails for relatively cheap. Then all I would need is a phone, internet, food and heat. Pretty simple. I was very excited for the chance to completely simplify my life.
But why would I want to do that?
I'll tell you what motivated me. I was so busy with my life. There are 168 hours in a week. I only worked about 40 of those. That leaves me 128 hours every week. 56 hours of sleep per week still leaves me 72 hours to do what I want. Chores and laundry, grocery shopping (etc), maybe another 10 hours per week. That still leaves 62 hours a week. Even with 2 hours commuting each day, still gives you 52 hours of "free time".
So what do I do with that 52 hours every week? What do you do with yours? I know for me, I like to spend a lot of time on facebook or I used to watch a lot of TV. What I don't do is call friends and invite them to dinner, or go out for a walk or jog or to the gym with a friend or neighbor. What I don't do is what this world really needs. The world needs to be around and to experience the friendship and love from Christians. We're no better than anyone. Let me repeat that. We are NO BETTER than anyone, but we do have tools at our disposal that the world does not know about or understand, and love is an extremely powerful thing to someone who's hurting.
Do you ever wonder why people act the way they do? Why they cut you off and then make rude gestures like you did something wrong? Why did that person on the phone or at DMV speak to you so rudely? It's because they are hurting. They have bad marriages, kids that are out of control, maybe they have health issues or a loved one died. Maybe they just lost their job, maybe they were taken to court. Maybe they were involved in a car accident, the possibilities are endless. What are you and I doing to ease the distress in this world? How are you and I being a friend to someone who's hurting? How am I trying to be a solution for someone personally?
I believe that every person in the world can make a positive difference. EVERY PERSON. But we will never be what God wants us to be if we come home and plop down on the couch or stare blankly at the television for hours and hours on end. What are you going to do with your 52 hours this week?
We have 7 billion, 142 million, 358 thousand, 288 people (yes, the population has increased by 6,166 people in the last 42 minutes since I have been writing) that need a friend like you, maybe even a friend like me. I don't expect that every human being in the world will make it to heaven, but is it my stated mission to try a little harder? Can I fill up my 52 hours a week with other people? To love them, to listen to them, to pray with them, and for them? This is what it means to be a Christian. This is the great commission in Matthew 28:18-20 -- "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
If you are a Christian, is this what you build your life around? Are you more concerned about that vacation home, the new iPhone, iPad, Galaxy3, Playstation, car, dog, or mowing the lawn? How can we maximize our effectiveness in our lives and be able to include more and better relationships? For me, the answer was to simplify, to clean house and to make more time in my life. I haven't arrived yet, but I feel I am on the road. I'm grateful every day to have a relationship with the most powerful force in the universe, and I get to call him Abba... dad!
For anyone who loved the band Genesis, they put out a song in the 80's that encapsulates this idea perfectly, it's called "Land of Confusion" (it also had a really cool video). Here are the words of the chorus:
There's too many men, too many people, making too many problems, and not much love to go 'round. Can't you see this is a land of confusion? This is the world we live in, and these are the hands we're given. Use them and let's start trying, to make it a place worth fighting for ... Stand up and let's start showing, just where our lives are going to." -Genesis
Let's make decisions to start using those 52 hours a week to make a difference in the lives of our friends in this world, to join a group of people that share a hobby you enjoy. Find ways to love up on people or just to meet a need. Maybe just go for a coffee with someone. The time is never wasted if you're investing in people.
Vaya con Dios, my friends. Thanks for letting me share my heart tonight.
There are, as of the exact time I am writing this, Sep. 23, 2013 at 10:08pm Central European Time, the world population is believed to be 7,147,352,122 people. That's over 7 Billion people.... Our minds can't really comprehend this number. Frankly I am not sure I can truly wrap my mind around the number 1,000 and this is 7 million times more! I know that if I want to buy a new car, it might cost me 20,000 dollars or euros, for example, but we don't really go into a car dealership with one dollar bills or 1 euro coins, so we never really understand what these numbers mean.
When I lived in Spokane, there was just over 200,000 people in the city, about 450,000 total in the county and around 600,000 people in the area (including surrounding areas, Coeur d'Alene, ID, etc.) That's still a lot of people. I currently live in a city of about 3.4 million people, approximately 8 people for every person in Spokane County. That's a ridiculously large amount of people.
So I'm sure you're asking why I am telling you all of this.... Well, here's why. This world is seriously messed up. Anyone disagree so far? Okay, so let's look at our lives. I have 24 hours in a day. If I have a job, between commuting and working, lunches, breaks, etc., you're looking at maybe 9-11 hours for that. If you have a spouse and children, well, there goes most of the rest of your time. I said "most" of the rest of your time.
As Christians, God calls us to bear our cross daily. What does that mean? It means that we are supposed to be Christians. Christians was a word first used in the book of Acts, when the people of Antioch called the disciples in the Church this name as sort of a derogatory term, meaning "little Christs". If we call ourselves Christians (or little Christs), what does that look like in a person's life?
I brought up the numbers to give us an idea of the mission we have to help accomplish in our world. There are billions and billions of people in this world that don't know God. Unfortunately, the devil has come up with a number of ways to divert our attention from the goal of helping as many people as possible to make it to heaven. I realized tonight just how much work we have ahead of us if we truly call ourselves Christians, so how have we set up our lives to meet that end?
So, here's how Satan has distracted me. When I was in the states and I had a good paying job, I wanted to buy cars to fix up and enjoy. Over the years, I had purchased and sold many cars, and at a couple different times in my life, I realized that I owned 6 cars at one time. SIX!!! Now, even with earning a good wage, how do you pay for repairs, maintenance, insurance, tabs, etc for SIX vehicles???? At the same time, I was living as a single man, owned a home, had a dog and had plenty of responsibilities with the house. On top of that, I was working 40 hours a week at a very demanding job, and my "to do" list was getting seriously out of hand.
Then when I lost my job and for a few years took jobs that were not enough to pay my bills, I tore through my 401k, and got roommates to help with the cost of my home. It still wasn't enough to keep me from going further into debt. I don't have an extravagant house, it's 800 square feet with a basement. I paid $77,000 for it in 2004. Somehow due to poor financial handling on my part, I took out a 2nd mortgage because I had too much other debt. It definitely lowered my payments, but now I owe over 90k on the house and after nearly 10 years, I do have equity on it, but not much.
When God gave me the idea to move to Germany, I was puzzled. I had worked so hard for this home, I had lived there for 9 years and my life was comfortable and good. Right? Wrong. I had become totally complacent with my life. Now, I'm not necessarily saying it's wrong to own a home or have a dog or a couple of cars. What I am saying is that for me, my stuff started to own me. I was afraid of losing my comfort and my control, and frankly I was afraid of what people would think of me. Of course, what I didn't realize, is that is what I was afraid of (and doing) all along. That is how I lived my life. How would people think of me if I buy a house? What will people think of me for having __________?
We all want comfort and there is no sin in that. However, comfort became my drug of choice. I held on so dearly to it, I indulged in it, I loved it and I never wanted to lose it. It was my idol.
So what is the solution? I decided that if I was going to actually move to Germany, I did not want to be "weighed down" with having all my stuff sit in storage somewhere for who knows how long. One thing I did know, was that life is pretty simple in Germany and I could live in an apartment, sharing the space (and expense) possibly with one or two others.
If I lived in the city, I would not need the expense of a car, I could buy a monthly pass to ride the rails for relatively cheap. Then all I would need is a phone, internet, food and heat. Pretty simple. I was very excited for the chance to completely simplify my life.
But why would I want to do that?
I'll tell you what motivated me. I was so busy with my life. There are 168 hours in a week. I only worked about 40 of those. That leaves me 128 hours every week. 56 hours of sleep per week still leaves me 72 hours to do what I want. Chores and laundry, grocery shopping (etc), maybe another 10 hours per week. That still leaves 62 hours a week. Even with 2 hours commuting each day, still gives you 52 hours of "free time".
So what do I do with that 52 hours every week? What do you do with yours? I know for me, I like to spend a lot of time on facebook or I used to watch a lot of TV. What I don't do is call friends and invite them to dinner, or go out for a walk or jog or to the gym with a friend or neighbor. What I don't do is what this world really needs. The world needs to be around and to experience the friendship and love from Christians. We're no better than anyone. Let me repeat that. We are NO BETTER than anyone, but we do have tools at our disposal that the world does not know about or understand, and love is an extremely powerful thing to someone who's hurting.
Do you ever wonder why people act the way they do? Why they cut you off and then make rude gestures like you did something wrong? Why did that person on the phone or at DMV speak to you so rudely? It's because they are hurting. They have bad marriages, kids that are out of control, maybe they have health issues or a loved one died. Maybe they just lost their job, maybe they were taken to court. Maybe they were involved in a car accident, the possibilities are endless. What are you and I doing to ease the distress in this world? How are you and I being a friend to someone who's hurting? How am I trying to be a solution for someone personally?
I believe that every person in the world can make a positive difference. EVERY PERSON. But we will never be what God wants us to be if we come home and plop down on the couch or stare blankly at the television for hours and hours on end. What are you going to do with your 52 hours this week?
We have 7 billion, 142 million, 358 thousand, 288 people (yes, the population has increased by 6,166 people in the last 42 minutes since I have been writing) that need a friend like you, maybe even a friend like me. I don't expect that every human being in the world will make it to heaven, but is it my stated mission to try a little harder? Can I fill up my 52 hours a week with other people? To love them, to listen to them, to pray with them, and for them? This is what it means to be a Christian. This is the great commission in Matthew 28:18-20 -- "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
If you are a Christian, is this what you build your life around? Are you more concerned about that vacation home, the new iPhone, iPad, Galaxy3, Playstation, car, dog, or mowing the lawn? How can we maximize our effectiveness in our lives and be able to include more and better relationships? For me, the answer was to simplify, to clean house and to make more time in my life. I haven't arrived yet, but I feel I am on the road. I'm grateful every day to have a relationship with the most powerful force in the universe, and I get to call him Abba... dad!
For anyone who loved the band Genesis, they put out a song in the 80's that encapsulates this idea perfectly, it's called "Land of Confusion" (it also had a really cool video). Here are the words of the chorus:
There's too many men, too many people, making too many problems, and not much love to go 'round. Can't you see this is a land of confusion? This is the world we live in, and these are the hands we're given. Use them and let's start trying, to make it a place worth fighting for ... Stand up and let's start showing, just where our lives are going to." -Genesis
Let's make decisions to start using those 52 hours a week to make a difference in the lives of our friends in this world, to join a group of people that share a hobby you enjoy. Find ways to love up on people or just to meet a need. Maybe just go for a coffee with someone. The time is never wasted if you're investing in people.
Vaya con Dios, my friends. Thanks for letting me share my heart tonight.
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Germany... Maybe Ireland?
I found a couple jobs this week and applied for them. One was in Berlin and one was in Dublin, Ireland. Both are with the same company and both sound very interesting for me and I am well suited to both. Now the question is, if God wants me to have one of these (or any other job for that matter), where will it be?
Lately I have been fighting my demons. Frankly I feel like sometimes the hardest part is just confessing my struggles and fighting for more time with God. God and the people in my life have been so loving and accepting and forgiving. I'm very grateful to both. A guy literally couldn't ask for more.
So in the next couple of weeks, there will be some major changes in my life. I will either get a job and stay, but have to move to a different place; or I will have to move to another city to look for a job (whether back to the U.S. or to another country), or I can see if the bureaucrats in Germany would somehow let me extend longer. Not sure what God's plan is at this time, but I oddly feel at peace right now. I know it sounds weird to think that it is odd, but I really believe God is trying to really comfort me, and I believe that he will get me that job we have been praying so hard for.
So this brings up another issue. I mentioned before that money has been an issue, so I decided a few nights ago, after getting advice from a spiritual brother, to set up a profile on gofundme.com. This is a website that you can request money in any amount from people to help your cause. You can request money to pay medical bills, see if people would be willing to help pay for tuition or help support people doing mission work, and such things.
If you have been following this blog at all, and my story has encouraged you, entertained you in any way, or just made you laugh or cry, I would really appreciate any help you would be willing to give. There are days I look around this world and everyone enjoying life, going shopping, going out to dinner, buying things they don't really need, etc. Sometimes I feel envious of that because I really can't afford to do anything right now. Whatever isn't free, I usually have to pass on because I'm simply broke.
Please look at this website and you can donate any amount, not just the ones shown there. I'm really hurting financially right now and either way, the next few weeks are going to necessitate that I have some money. I didn't know what amount to put in the "goal" area, so I just picked a number. My donation site is http://www.gofundme.com/4e4hmg
If you have any questions or concerns, I also have a ask.fm website where you can anonymously ask me any appropriate questions. That link is http://ask.fm/amerigerman
Thanks everyone for your continued support and love and prayers. Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Down to the Wire
Hey all! I need to keep it short tonight because it's about 12:30 a.m. here. I just got off a Skype call with a brother on the East Coast and it occurred to me. I'm nearly out of money again, will possibly have to move again in 12 days, may have to leave the country in less than 20 days. Job search is proving more difficult than I imagined, even after the job fair last weekend. I need to start getting much advice and deciding what the best thing to do will be in the next few days because before you know it, my residence permit will be expired and without a job, I need to be gone...
I know I ask for a lot of prayers from all of you, but as I did almost 3 months ago, I simply need a miracle at this point. Please help me pray for God's will in all this, for a job and the ability to stay in Germany or possibly find work elsewhere in Europe so that I can stay (God willing, of course). This is my last chance to make it here. I will try my best to trust God no matter the outcome, but could very much use your prayers, thoughts and good vibes.
I'm doing better, getting my swag back and getting closer to God, but still have much to learn and grow in. My faith is being restored and remembering what an amazing God we serve.
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Don't forget to ask me any questions you like at: http://ask.fm/amerigerman
Until next time.
I know I ask for a lot of prayers from all of you, but as I did almost 3 months ago, I simply need a miracle at this point. Please help me pray for God's will in all this, for a job and the ability to stay in Germany or possibly find work elsewhere in Europe so that I can stay (God willing, of course). This is my last chance to make it here. I will try my best to trust God no matter the outcome, but could very much use your prayers, thoughts and good vibes.
I'm doing better, getting my swag back and getting closer to God, but still have much to learn and grow in. My faith is being restored and remembering what an amazing God we serve.
-----------
Don't forget to ask me any questions you like at: http://ask.fm/amerigerman
Until next time.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Perplexed
I'm feeling very frustrated today. It feels like everything I do here is wrong. Take the wrong bus, or the correct bus in the wrong direction, catch the bus that breaks down, walk the wrong way, get lost, lose a half day going to the embassy all for naught; the constant effort to get things done, and every possible distraction comes up, forgetting my stuff at home, an hour away, and the list goes on and on.
Man, I just feel like this is so hard. I feel like I'm just messing everything up. I'm tired, discouraged and can't seem to get my feet under me. It may already be too late for me to find work here in Berlin, but I don't want to give up before it's time to. Maybe God is trying to tell me it's time to go home, maybe he's telling me to stick it out just a little bit longer. I don't know, none of us does.
So what do I do with this information? I don't know, I guess just to trust God. I still believe in the miracles and answered prayers from my time here and from before I left the states. I still believe in the loyal God, the same one that delivered his people from Egypt through the Red Sea and that brought the nation into the land he promised them. God is a deliverer, he is a dad, he is a friend, he is a protector and a provider. I believe all these things about God but my situation is challenging my socks off right now.
The fact is I just want to work. I want to contribute to society, I want to earn money again and take care of my business. For the first time in my life, I'm late on bills. Every day that passes, becomes a greater obstacle to overcome. Deeper in debt, and no options in sight at this time. The challenges don't seem to stop coming, in fact they seem to be multiplying. It's getting very real and a bit scary. I'm physically and mentally tired and just need some perspective. I don't think I can do this much longer. 7 months without work, 5 months looking in Germany. When will these challenges end? I need to feel some hope here and I'm just not feeling it right now.
This has been a rewarding experience, but it has also been extremely challenging. There have been some incredible highs along the way, but some pretty low ones, too. Either way, I am confident that God is still here with me, but I need him to help me find work. There have been so many thousands of prayers, and I don't understand why God is still waiting to answer them. I am struggling with this.
I know this is not about me, but at some point, I need help. It feels like nothing I do is working out. God, please step in. I'm tired and lonely and discouraged. Please don't let me suffer in this way any longer. I pray that you help me to find a job that will allow me to stay in Berlin, or if it is your will, help me find a job where I can start working again. I'm desperate and I need you. I just don't have any more time to wait.
________
2 Cor 4: 8-11 -- But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.
Man, I just feel like this is so hard. I feel like I'm just messing everything up. I'm tired, discouraged and can't seem to get my feet under me. It may already be too late for me to find work here in Berlin, but I don't want to give up before it's time to. Maybe God is trying to tell me it's time to go home, maybe he's telling me to stick it out just a little bit longer. I don't know, none of us does.
So what do I do with this information? I don't know, I guess just to trust God. I still believe in the miracles and answered prayers from my time here and from before I left the states. I still believe in the loyal God, the same one that delivered his people from Egypt through the Red Sea and that brought the nation into the land he promised them. God is a deliverer, he is a dad, he is a friend, he is a protector and a provider. I believe all these things about God but my situation is challenging my socks off right now.
The fact is I just want to work. I want to contribute to society, I want to earn money again and take care of my business. For the first time in my life, I'm late on bills. Every day that passes, becomes a greater obstacle to overcome. Deeper in debt, and no options in sight at this time. The challenges don't seem to stop coming, in fact they seem to be multiplying. It's getting very real and a bit scary. I'm physically and mentally tired and just need some perspective. I don't think I can do this much longer. 7 months without work, 5 months looking in Germany. When will these challenges end? I need to feel some hope here and I'm just not feeling it right now.
This has been a rewarding experience, but it has also been extremely challenging. There have been some incredible highs along the way, but some pretty low ones, too. Either way, I am confident that God is still here with me, but I need him to help me find work. There have been so many thousands of prayers, and I don't understand why God is still waiting to answer them. I am struggling with this.
I know this is not about me, but at some point, I need help. It feels like nothing I do is working out. God, please step in. I'm tired and lonely and discouraged. Please don't let me suffer in this way any longer. I pray that you help me to find a job that will allow me to stay in Berlin, or if it is your will, help me find a job where I can start working again. I'm desperate and I need you. I just don't have any more time to wait.
________
2 Cor 4: 8-11 -- But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body.
Monday, September 16, 2013
Refocusing After an Unfortunate Misuse of Time
Good evening from beautiful Spandau, Germany. So, it was an interesting day today... I had to get up early this morning because a few weeks ago I got an email from the US Embassy stating someone would be available today to answer questions regarding residency status. They did not, however, mention that it was someone from US Immigration and not someone with information on the German system. Their email was unclear and maybe even a bit misleading. They didn't obviously do it on purpose, but they did not include some pertinent information.
So, I got up early because I needed to be there at 9am. I go to catch the bus and two buses arrived at the same time, both going to the same place. The first one was filling up, so I got on the 2nd bus. Of course, after 3 stops, the front door of the bus malfunctioned (wouldn't close), so I had to get off that bus onto another that was waiting behind it. Then, I got to the subway during rush hour. The scheduled train either didn't show up or was about 10 minutes late. At rush hour, when a train doesn't come, imagine how many people need to take that train! It was really full.
I finally got to the Embassy/Consulate and there was a line out front. So I got in line and it just didn't move hardly at all. Apparently there was another line right next to it, that I found out 20 minutes after getting there that was for Americans. The other line was for everyone else looking for visas to go to the US. By that time, the Americans line had gone from 7 or 8 people to about 20. I thought I was waiting to go into a conference with a speaker, which started at 9am. Again, wrong. Everyone there thought the exact same thing, too. We went to a waiting room and I have to be honest, I was really confused. Apparently there was someone from Immigration who worked out of Frankfurt that was answering questions on an individual basis at one of the windows, not in an open forum. It makes sense looking back, but the information was not clear this was the situation.
So, 30 minutes to get to the train station, 15 minutes waiting for the train, another 45-50 minutes in transit, 30 minutes in line to get through the security checkpoint, over an hour waiting for my number to be called, then another hour or more to get home. There went half my day. We were also not allowed to bring any electronic devices, no cell phones, cameras, anything. So, I left it all at home and they still held my keychain at the guardhouse because I had a thumb drive on it! Oh well, the best laid plans...
On my way home, I was able to get a gyro to make me feel better (physically and mentally). I had a couple croissants for breakfast that I got at the subway platform which after a while made me feel kind of nauseous. On top of that, the waiting room was so stuffy. I wanted something to drink, but couldn't find water or anything, so I was feeling super miserable. On top of that, the past few days I have had some digestion issues (nothing severe, just an upset stomach), so by the time I left there, I could tell my circulation was not doing well at all, I was dehydrated and needed some fresh air! A bottle of water, a coke and a gyro and a brisk walk in the cool air later and all was right again with the world. Ha!
I got on the train and was really tired. I have not gotten enough sleep the past couple days and actually fell asleep on the subway, which hasn't happened before. I was only out for a few minutes, but had started dreaming, which means I must have been exhausted. I finally got home and took a 2-hour nap. I usually only take 20-30 minute naps so I must have really been wiped out. Now I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, but oh well...
After I got up, I decided that I really needed to go spend some time with God. I noticed on Google maps (which I use a TON here), that there is a park just down the street from me. At the far end of the park is a large pond. So I went down there today and it was so awesome. Since it was sprinkling a bit, there weren't too many people around, so for the first time in a little while, I was able to go out and just pray out loud. I really miss having those alone times with God, in nature, where it's quiet and peaceful. It really did my heart good, and hopefully for the next two weeks while I am here, I will be able to go out there a lot more.
So begins tomorrow my final search in earnest for work. I've gotta be honest, I'm feeling pretty under the gun at this point and could use prayers not only to be faithful, but to be disciplined. I have a lot to accomplish this week and by next week I am going to have to start making some really big decisions. Please also pray for God to make it very clear what his will is for this. I feel pretty at peace now, but knowing how I have reacted since I've been here, I know that anxiety can come at any time.
So, nothing too exciting to report today, thanks for checking in on me. Thanks for your support and prayers, I can't wait to see how God answers them.
So, I got up early because I needed to be there at 9am. I go to catch the bus and two buses arrived at the same time, both going to the same place. The first one was filling up, so I got on the 2nd bus. Of course, after 3 stops, the front door of the bus malfunctioned (wouldn't close), so I had to get off that bus onto another that was waiting behind it. Then, I got to the subway during rush hour. The scheduled train either didn't show up or was about 10 minutes late. At rush hour, when a train doesn't come, imagine how many people need to take that train! It was really full.
I finally got to the Embassy/Consulate and there was a line out front. So I got in line and it just didn't move hardly at all. Apparently there was another line right next to it, that I found out 20 minutes after getting there that was for Americans. The other line was for everyone else looking for visas to go to the US. By that time, the Americans line had gone from 7 or 8 people to about 20. I thought I was waiting to go into a conference with a speaker, which started at 9am. Again, wrong. Everyone there thought the exact same thing, too. We went to a waiting room and I have to be honest, I was really confused. Apparently there was someone from Immigration who worked out of Frankfurt that was answering questions on an individual basis at one of the windows, not in an open forum. It makes sense looking back, but the information was not clear this was the situation.
So, 30 minutes to get to the train station, 15 minutes waiting for the train, another 45-50 minutes in transit, 30 minutes in line to get through the security checkpoint, over an hour waiting for my number to be called, then another hour or more to get home. There went half my day. We were also not allowed to bring any electronic devices, no cell phones, cameras, anything. So, I left it all at home and they still held my keychain at the guardhouse because I had a thumb drive on it! Oh well, the best laid plans...
On my way home, I was able to get a gyro to make me feel better (physically and mentally). I had a couple croissants for breakfast that I got at the subway platform which after a while made me feel kind of nauseous. On top of that, the waiting room was so stuffy. I wanted something to drink, but couldn't find water or anything, so I was feeling super miserable. On top of that, the past few days I have had some digestion issues (nothing severe, just an upset stomach), so by the time I left there, I could tell my circulation was not doing well at all, I was dehydrated and needed some fresh air! A bottle of water, a coke and a gyro and a brisk walk in the cool air later and all was right again with the world. Ha!
I got on the train and was really tired. I have not gotten enough sleep the past couple days and actually fell asleep on the subway, which hasn't happened before. I was only out for a few minutes, but had started dreaming, which means I must have been exhausted. I finally got home and took a 2-hour nap. I usually only take 20-30 minute naps so I must have really been wiped out. Now I probably won't be able to sleep tonight, but oh well...
After I got up, I decided that I really needed to go spend some time with God. I noticed on Google maps (which I use a TON here), that there is a park just down the street from me. At the far end of the park is a large pond. So I went down there today and it was so awesome. Since it was sprinkling a bit, there weren't too many people around, so for the first time in a little while, I was able to go out and just pray out loud. I really miss having those alone times with God, in nature, where it's quiet and peaceful. It really did my heart good, and hopefully for the next two weeks while I am here, I will be able to go out there a lot more.
So begins tomorrow my final search in earnest for work. I've gotta be honest, I'm feeling pretty under the gun at this point and could use prayers not only to be faithful, but to be disciplined. I have a lot to accomplish this week and by next week I am going to have to start making some really big decisions. Please also pray for God to make it very clear what his will is for this. I feel pretty at peace now, but knowing how I have reacted since I've been here, I know that anxiety can come at any time.
So, nothing too exciting to report today, thanks for checking in on me. Thanks for your support and prayers, I can't wait to see how God answers them.
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Lots to Consider
Well, it was a really beautiful sunny day in Berlin today. I would usually not have a problem with that, but they promised 66 degress (18C) and it ended up being more like 74 (23C) which is all well and fine until ya have to put a on a suit and tie! In all fairness, it really wasn't that bad, I was indoors for most of the time and when I left I could remove the tie and jacket. Really enjoyed the amazing weather!
So I was able to go to the job fair today and learned a lot. Without boring you with a lot of details, a few things I learned today: 1. It's illegal in Germany for a temp agency to get you work if you don't have a work permit FIRST, 2. I should have continued to apply for booking.com. 3. Who knew Paypal had really cool jobs in Berlin? 4. There is a website for people looking for work in Europe that speak multiple languages.
I also spoke with someone today that gave me some information on how to get my foot in the door (or at least speak to someone) in a specific company here in Berlin. I was beyond excited about this part today because even though I looked on their website, I could not find any job listings anywhere. So I have a bunch of information that I am going to process in the next couple days. One of the other things I noted about this particular job fair, is that a number of the companies represented today were hiring people for work in other cities and countries. It got me to thinking that this might be a good time to try to find work in another European country for a while. While it certainly is not a done deal at this point by any stretch of the imagination, it's an interesting concept. Hmmm... maybe Ireland? :)
After the job fair I went to Connections and hung out with Larry and Teri for a bit before heading home for my Skype call with the bros in the US (and one in Canada), then I got back on the train into town to meet up with Christiana and also Darren W was in town, too! We've been friends on fb for a few months now thanks to Johnny B, but had never actually met until today. It was only about an hour, but it was great anyway.
As we were at the train station waiting for Darren's train to leave, the thought occurred to me that I can also ride the regional trains back home. Since the station nearest where I live is one of the stops, I thought I'd give it a try, have a comfortable seat, and my monthly ticket can be used on those trains, too. (These trains even have restrooms on them!). Anyway, what took me nearly 40 minutes earlier only took 15 minutes with this train!!! I am definitely going to have to use that again!
So as far as my job search is concerned, I will continue to search for work in Berlin as well as some of these other places. Berlin and/or Germany is definitely my dream, but I may simply have to put that part of it on hold if I am able to find work elsewhere. Please pray for me to find exactly what I need and when I need it. I am finding that Berlin is a very difficult market to find work in, and as an American, is even more difficult. So, I have lots to ponder and lots of jobs to apply for this week. The possibilities provided today are really lots to ponder, in a good way. Either way, I'll try to keep you all updated.
That's it, that's all. You may now return to your regularly scheduled.... whatevers.... Thanks for looking in and I'm sure I'll be writing again soon.
So I was able to go to the job fair today and learned a lot. Without boring you with a lot of details, a few things I learned today: 1. It's illegal in Germany for a temp agency to get you work if you don't have a work permit FIRST, 2. I should have continued to apply for booking.com. 3. Who knew Paypal had really cool jobs in Berlin? 4. There is a website for people looking for work in Europe that speak multiple languages.
I also spoke with someone today that gave me some information on how to get my foot in the door (or at least speak to someone) in a specific company here in Berlin. I was beyond excited about this part today because even though I looked on their website, I could not find any job listings anywhere. So I have a bunch of information that I am going to process in the next couple days. One of the other things I noted about this particular job fair, is that a number of the companies represented today were hiring people for work in other cities and countries. It got me to thinking that this might be a good time to try to find work in another European country for a while. While it certainly is not a done deal at this point by any stretch of the imagination, it's an interesting concept. Hmmm... maybe Ireland? :)
After the job fair I went to Connections and hung out with Larry and Teri for a bit before heading home for my Skype call with the bros in the US (and one in Canada), then I got back on the train into town to meet up with Christiana and also Darren W was in town, too! We've been friends on fb for a few months now thanks to Johnny B, but had never actually met until today. It was only about an hour, but it was great anyway.
As we were at the train station waiting for Darren's train to leave, the thought occurred to me that I can also ride the regional trains back home. Since the station nearest where I live is one of the stops, I thought I'd give it a try, have a comfortable seat, and my monthly ticket can be used on those trains, too. (These trains even have restrooms on them!). Anyway, what took me nearly 40 minutes earlier only took 15 minutes with this train!!! I am definitely going to have to use that again!
So as far as my job search is concerned, I will continue to search for work in Berlin as well as some of these other places. Berlin and/or Germany is definitely my dream, but I may simply have to put that part of it on hold if I am able to find work elsewhere. Please pray for me to find exactly what I need and when I need it. I am finding that Berlin is a very difficult market to find work in, and as an American, is even more difficult. So, I have lots to ponder and lots of jobs to apply for this week. The possibilities provided today are really lots to ponder, in a good way. Either way, I'll try to keep you all updated.
That's it, that's all. You may now return to your regularly scheduled.... whatevers.... Thanks for looking in and I'm sure I'll be writing again soon.
Friday, September 13, 2013
It's "Go Time"
So, I have been on here a good little bit this week, but sort of one last plea for your prayer and good thoughts because I'm so excited to have the opportunity to market myself to the companies at this multi-lingual job fair tomorrow.
Please be thinking of me tomorrow (or late tonight as you go to bed on the West Coast), pray pray pray! This is really my last chance. I am confident God has something for me there, and frankly I continue to need a miracle. I'm not saying this to be dramatic, it's true. Even if I get a job soon, the government can still say no, or it's too late, I'm sorry. For this, I truly need divine intervention.
So that was it for tonight. Thank you all for your support and your love. I'll try to update tomorrow night to let you all know how it went. Have a great weekend! Love the ones that are near you and love the people that don't have anyone at all. Life is hard enough, it's brutal if you have to go through life feeling alone. Try to make the difference in someone's life this week, and every week.
Let's do this.....
Please be thinking of me tomorrow (or late tonight as you go to bed on the West Coast), pray pray pray! This is really my last chance. I am confident God has something for me there, and frankly I continue to need a miracle. I'm not saying this to be dramatic, it's true. Even if I get a job soon, the government can still say no, or it's too late, I'm sorry. For this, I truly need divine intervention.
So that was it for tonight. Thank you all for your support and your love. I'll try to update tomorrow night to let you all know how it went. Have a great weekend! Love the ones that are near you and love the people that don't have anyone at all. Life is hard enough, it's brutal if you have to go through life feeling alone. Try to make the difference in someone's life this week, and every week.
Let's do this.....
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Making Good Choices / Great Opporunities
Uh oh, I'm starting this blog and it's 1:40 a.m. This is not good, but I am inspired. I was reading my friend Ramon's blog and something clicked with me. Yes, I have really been struggling with some stuff lately and yes I have been weak. God has protected my heart through it all, but has also challenged me to decide. Will I choose him, or will I choose the world?
I was confronted with something the other day that I was absolutely not expecting. I was given the rare opportunity to have exactly what I wanted. In a humanistic way, it made all the sense in the world. My financial needs would be met and I would have things that I haven't been able to get for myself for a while now. Life would be so easy...
The reality of the situation was that it would have been a HUGE compromise of my faith, convictions and everything I have worked for these past 20 years. It would have necessitated me throwing all that away. I have to be honest, I was severely tempted to do it. Because of the grace of God, he helped me to realize what that would mean for my life. Life may have been easier, but I know for a fact I would not have been more happy, in fact, it would have been just the opposite.
Satan really likes to wrap things up in nice packages, make it look really pretty and even desirable. He lures us in to make us believe these things will make us happy and that they will fulfill us. But its all lies. It was a dead end street that would have just been a road of loneliness and emptiness and I would have literally been left with nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!
It has made me think a lot lately about my heart. My heart for God and my heart to do the right thing, no matter the cost. Not that I feel I have given that much, because everything I have/had was God's to begin with. So I have a cleansing of my heart for a few months, so what? Okay, it's really hard. That's good. I remember one of the preachers in our Seattle Church, Jay, once said "Make it harder!" and he was serious. I want my faith to be tested to see if I can stand it. I don't want pain. I'm not a masochist, but I do want my heart to be right before God. THAT is by far the most important thing for any of us to decide. Period.
At our devotional tonight, we heard a short sermon on what we strive for. As Americans (and now in Germany I see it as well), there is a constant chasing after stuff. The newest gadget, electronic device, the biggest TV, boat, cars, homes, summer homes, etc. These things take our focus off what's really important, our relationships with God and others. The more I can nurture relationships, the happier I'll be. The more I work on my house, cars, mow my lawn, do my list of projects, the further I get from the things that God wants me to invest in: Him and in others. I don't know why we as Christians miss this point. Oh yeah, the Joneses....
Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Do you do the things you do because they are accepted or even expected in society? Do we REALLY live our lives for God or are we building a life of comfort for ourselves? Do we comfort us, or do we comfort others? These are all things that I have had to take stock of in my life. I've dealt with these things and I'm so much happier now. I encourage you to write down your list of projects and estimate how long those things will take to accomplish. Imagine the impact you could have on another human being in that time it takes to finish off your list. Who are we kidding, that list never ends, it's a trap and we never end up really being free.
*************************
So, this is my Blitzkrieg week. I'm hitting the streets in one last blaze of glory to find that elusive job in Berlin. I feel so much better than I did even yesterday... Thanks God for your peace, and thanks to everyone for your prayers, good vibes and thoughts. I went down to the Kurfürstendamm today to put my name and face out there to companies. I went to fast food restaurants, hotels, souvenir shops, even to the Hard Rock Cafe!!! Had some encouraging conversations today.
Some really cool stuff happened at the Hard Rock. I don't know that I will ever be able to work there, but it was cool anyway. First off, I was sitting outside and suddenly an American police car showed up (huh???) and two guys dressed up as the Blues Brothers were having a photo shoot in front of the Cafe. I was not too far behind the police cruiser, so if anyone sees pics of this let me know, I'm in a blue suit.
I went inside and had to give my application to a lady in the upstairs part of the restaurant. At the bottom of the stairs, was this car that looked really familiar to me, but couldn't quite place it. Then I saw a sign that said this was the car pictured on the album cover of U2's Achtung Baby album from 1991!!!! What? Are you kidding me???? I was so excited because I love U2 (who doesn't?) and it's a Trabi!! That kind of made my day.
Unfortunately I was looking for work while it was raining pretty hard. What is it about that stretch of the Ku'Damm, me, and rain? Oh well, I had some great conversations and the Hard Rock was hard to beat.
Otherwise, I'm still working through a lot of emotions and craziness at the moment. Things are getting better, but please pray for me because I think I might be able to find something this weekend. Thanks to Anka, I have tickets to a multi-lingual job fair this Saturday. It will unfortunately cause me to miss our first official Singles fun outing, but I'm ÜBER excited about this job fair. There are going to be some really big companies there and putting my face and resume (and just plain crazy me) out there for these employers to see is such a huge opportunity, I can't underscore how great this could be. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for me Friday/Saturday to make some really great connections there so that I can finally get that elusive job. This is really my last chance, but it is a great opportunity.
Well, that's it for now, I finished in less than 30 tonight. Please stay in touch with me. Thank you Adam for your message and yes, I would love to talk to you sometime. Good night all, hoping to give good news very soon! With our prayers, it will happen!
I was confronted with something the other day that I was absolutely not expecting. I was given the rare opportunity to have exactly what I wanted. In a humanistic way, it made all the sense in the world. My financial needs would be met and I would have things that I haven't been able to get for myself for a while now. Life would be so easy...
The reality of the situation was that it would have been a HUGE compromise of my faith, convictions and everything I have worked for these past 20 years. It would have necessitated me throwing all that away. I have to be honest, I was severely tempted to do it. Because of the grace of God, he helped me to realize what that would mean for my life. Life may have been easier, but I know for a fact I would not have been more happy, in fact, it would have been just the opposite.
Satan really likes to wrap things up in nice packages, make it look really pretty and even desirable. He lures us in to make us believe these things will make us happy and that they will fulfill us. But its all lies. It was a dead end street that would have just been a road of loneliness and emptiness and I would have literally been left with nothing. N-O-T-H-I-N-G!
It has made me think a lot lately about my heart. My heart for God and my heart to do the right thing, no matter the cost. Not that I feel I have given that much, because everything I have/had was God's to begin with. So I have a cleansing of my heart for a few months, so what? Okay, it's really hard. That's good. I remember one of the preachers in our Seattle Church, Jay, once said "Make it harder!" and he was serious. I want my faith to be tested to see if I can stand it. I don't want pain. I'm not a masochist, but I do want my heart to be right before God. THAT is by far the most important thing for any of us to decide. Period.
At our devotional tonight, we heard a short sermon on what we strive for. As Americans (and now in Germany I see it as well), there is a constant chasing after stuff. The newest gadget, electronic device, the biggest TV, boat, cars, homes, summer homes, etc. These things take our focus off what's really important, our relationships with God and others. The more I can nurture relationships, the happier I'll be. The more I work on my house, cars, mow my lawn, do my list of projects, the further I get from the things that God wants me to invest in: Him and in others. I don't know why we as Christians miss this point. Oh yeah, the Joneses....
Are you keeping up with the Joneses? Do you do the things you do because they are accepted or even expected in society? Do we REALLY live our lives for God or are we building a life of comfort for ourselves? Do we comfort us, or do we comfort others? These are all things that I have had to take stock of in my life. I've dealt with these things and I'm so much happier now. I encourage you to write down your list of projects and estimate how long those things will take to accomplish. Imagine the impact you could have on another human being in that time it takes to finish off your list. Who are we kidding, that list never ends, it's a trap and we never end up really being free.
*************************
So, this is my Blitzkrieg week. I'm hitting the streets in one last blaze of glory to find that elusive job in Berlin. I feel so much better than I did even yesterday... Thanks God for your peace, and thanks to everyone for your prayers, good vibes and thoughts. I went down to the Kurfürstendamm today to put my name and face out there to companies. I went to fast food restaurants, hotels, souvenir shops, even to the Hard Rock Cafe!!! Had some encouraging conversations today.
Some really cool stuff happened at the Hard Rock. I don't know that I will ever be able to work there, but it was cool anyway. First off, I was sitting outside and suddenly an American police car showed up (huh???) and two guys dressed up as the Blues Brothers were having a photo shoot in front of the Cafe. I was not too far behind the police cruiser, so if anyone sees pics of this let me know, I'm in a blue suit.
I went inside and had to give my application to a lady in the upstairs part of the restaurant. At the bottom of the stairs, was this car that looked really familiar to me, but couldn't quite place it. Then I saw a sign that said this was the car pictured on the album cover of U2's Achtung Baby album from 1991!!!! What? Are you kidding me???? I was so excited because I love U2 (who doesn't?) and it's a Trabi!! That kind of made my day.
Unfortunately I was looking for work while it was raining pretty hard. What is it about that stretch of the Ku'Damm, me, and rain? Oh well, I had some great conversations and the Hard Rock was hard to beat.
Otherwise, I'm still working through a lot of emotions and craziness at the moment. Things are getting better, but please pray for me because I think I might be able to find something this weekend. Thanks to Anka, I have tickets to a multi-lingual job fair this Saturday. It will unfortunately cause me to miss our first official Singles fun outing, but I'm ÜBER excited about this job fair. There are going to be some really big companies there and putting my face and resume (and just plain crazy me) out there for these employers to see is such a huge opportunity, I can't underscore how great this could be. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray for me Friday/Saturday to make some really great connections there so that I can finally get that elusive job. This is really my last chance, but it is a great opportunity.
Well, that's it for now, I finished in less than 30 tonight. Please stay in touch with me. Thank you Adam for your message and yes, I would love to talk to you sometime. Good night all, hoping to give good news very soon! With our prayers, it will happen!
Monday, September 9, 2013
One Last Hoorah....
It's hard to deal with your mistakes. That's what I'm working through now. I went to my favorite place to pray yesterday and really struggled to find words to say to God. It got a little better after a while, but I still was having a such hard time. I think my struggles have really challenged me to find perspective in a life that seems to become harder and harder every day. I'm grateful for Christoph and Katja yesterday that helped me to remember what it is that I'm trying to do. Thank you.
Today, I've watched the Susan Boyle audition video about 4 times as well. There's a woman living her dream. I want to continue to live mine here, too... I'm not envious, just ready to start working again because things are getting critical in my finances. Here's to one last hoorah this week....
Today, I've watched the Susan Boyle audition video about 4 times as well. There's a woman living her dream. I want to continue to live mine here, too... I'm not envious, just ready to start working again because things are getting critical in my finances. Here's to one last hoorah this week....
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Decisions Decisions (From Sep. 1)
(I started writing this post on September 1st and never got back to it. Sorry it is out of order of all my other posts, but I think it was good to post anyway, 6 days later.)
__________________________________________________________________
Happy September everyone. Well after one of the worst weeks I have had in a while, I am looking forward to this week, new hope and happiness. After this past week, it just has to get better, right? LOL. Oh well, I do have some pretty encouraging things on the horizon this week and it is seriously CRUNCH TIME. I have just over one month to find a job and to have the authorities approve it before Tim has to go bye-bye.
On that note, I feel like I have some very important decisions to make regarding my life: job, faith, attitude, etc. Still reeling a bit from last week, I was able to get one kind of major conversation behind me this week that has been simmering on the back burner for a number of days (I hate it when I can't get them dealt with quickly, ugh.), had some very encouraging time serving the Singles last night at Connections and doing a little bit of planning for doing some fun events for the next couple of months.
Those rare occasions where I'm overly inwardly thoughtful are tough for me. When I get too heady or inwardly-focused, it's really hard to pull out of the down-ward spiral. The Bible is right in Acts 2:42-47 where it talks about the body of Christ (his church) is unified, they loved being together, met daily, ate together, took communion together, shared their possessions, etc. This is how the first Christian church was right after the first 3,000 members were baptized in one day. They loved to be together, they loved to eat and just do things together. It actually says they did this on a daily basis. They set up their lives so that they could have time with their new family.
I have tried to get together with people on a one-on-one basis more lately, but honestly I don't think I have tried to do this daily. Especially with how I have been feeling lately, I think it's especially important for me to be getting daily time with people. I really feel like Satan has really been attacking me lately in my weakest areas, causing issues in relationships, idolatry, etc. It was really good for me yesterday to serve the singles ministry because it really helped me get my mind of my struggles. I really believe God worked powerfully through that.
Today after church, I was also able to have some short time walking to the U-Bahn, and briefly on the train, with Scott Green (you get your time in where you can, I guess, LOL); then I went to Qudus' going away party and then we went out to the Mauerpark Flohmarkt (flea market) and then to Eastside Gallery, a long stretch of the Berlin Wall still intact with paintings originally made in 1990, shortly after the wall fell. I was super encouraged to be there with Qudus and to mark another thing off my list of things to see in Berlin.
I have also had two people in the last week or two encourage me to apply for more humble types of jobs (like fast food, etc.) and the person today told me that they often do the work permit paperwork for people. I guess I should really give that a try. I really want to stay. It was funny, this person said they know it's not my "dream job", but then I thought my dream is to stay in Germany, so if I could stay by getting a job like this, it really would be my dream job!!!
So, I say these things because it's time to take a hard look at my priorities and make some decisions as to how I want the rest of my life to look. I prayed yesterday for some perspective about my situation right now and honestly I was feeling pretty down and discouraged. Well, as usual, God was faithful and gave me the following perspective: Right now, I am truly living off the kindness of others and if I truly want to stay, I may have to take work that may not be in my field or even something I may have not thought I would be doing at 43... I have to be honest, it's a bit humbling to consider, but with everything else that has happened, I feel like it really shouldn't be such a huge leap. I don't think it would be a compromise of my beliefs in my abilities, but rather a confirmation that I get my security and confidence in my relationship with God and not my "profession" or how I look to others. That gives me peace to know that know God blesses decisions that lift Him up and not be a testimony to my abilities (that he gave me anyway).
Please pray for me this week as I look into these things and have another interview on Wednesday at 4pm (7am Pacific Time) at a language school. Please pray for God to give me strength to make the right decisions and to not be thinking of myself, but to love up on others and Him. Until next time, Tschöööö from Berlin!!!
__________________________________________________________________
Happy September everyone. Well after one of the worst weeks I have had in a while, I am looking forward to this week, new hope and happiness. After this past week, it just has to get better, right? LOL. Oh well, I do have some pretty encouraging things on the horizon this week and it is seriously CRUNCH TIME. I have just over one month to find a job and to have the authorities approve it before Tim has to go bye-bye.
On that note, I feel like I have some very important decisions to make regarding my life: job, faith, attitude, etc. Still reeling a bit from last week, I was able to get one kind of major conversation behind me this week that has been simmering on the back burner for a number of days (I hate it when I can't get them dealt with quickly, ugh.), had some very encouraging time serving the Singles last night at Connections and doing a little bit of planning for doing some fun events for the next couple of months.
Those rare occasions where I'm overly inwardly thoughtful are tough for me. When I get too heady or inwardly-focused, it's really hard to pull out of the down-ward spiral. The Bible is right in Acts 2:42-47 where it talks about the body of Christ (his church) is unified, they loved being together, met daily, ate together, took communion together, shared their possessions, etc. This is how the first Christian church was right after the first 3,000 members were baptized in one day. They loved to be together, they loved to eat and just do things together. It actually says they did this on a daily basis. They set up their lives so that they could have time with their new family.
I have tried to get together with people on a one-on-one basis more lately, but honestly I don't think I have tried to do this daily. Especially with how I have been feeling lately, I think it's especially important for me to be getting daily time with people. I really feel like Satan has really been attacking me lately in my weakest areas, causing issues in relationships, idolatry, etc. It was really good for me yesterday to serve the singles ministry because it really helped me get my mind of my struggles. I really believe God worked powerfully through that.
Today after church, I was also able to have some short time walking to the U-Bahn, and briefly on the train, with Scott Green (you get your time in where you can, I guess, LOL); then I went to Qudus' going away party and then we went out to the Mauerpark Flohmarkt (flea market) and then to Eastside Gallery, a long stretch of the Berlin Wall still intact with paintings originally made in 1990, shortly after the wall fell. I was super encouraged to be there with Qudus and to mark another thing off my list of things to see in Berlin.
I have also had two people in the last week or two encourage me to apply for more humble types of jobs (like fast food, etc.) and the person today told me that they often do the work permit paperwork for people. I guess I should really give that a try. I really want to stay. It was funny, this person said they know it's not my "dream job", but then I thought my dream is to stay in Germany, so if I could stay by getting a job like this, it really would be my dream job!!!
So, I say these things because it's time to take a hard look at my priorities and make some decisions as to how I want the rest of my life to look. I prayed yesterday for some perspective about my situation right now and honestly I was feeling pretty down and discouraged. Well, as usual, God was faithful and gave me the following perspective: Right now, I am truly living off the kindness of others and if I truly want to stay, I may have to take work that may not be in my field or even something I may have not thought I would be doing at 43... I have to be honest, it's a bit humbling to consider, but with everything else that has happened, I feel like it really shouldn't be such a huge leap. I don't think it would be a compromise of my beliefs in my abilities, but rather a confirmation that I get my security and confidence in my relationship with God and not my "profession" or how I look to others. That gives me peace to know that know God blesses decisions that lift Him up and not be a testimony to my abilities (that he gave me anyway).
Please pray for me this week as I look into these things and have another interview on Wednesday at 4pm (7am Pacific Time) at a language school. Please pray for God to give me strength to make the right decisions and to not be thinking of myself, but to love up on others and Him. Until next time, Tschöööö from Berlin!!!
Digging Deep
Before I get too far in this entry, I would like to thank everyone for your prayers and good thoughts and vibes since my last entry. I have been battling some very serious demons and your prayer are working, and powerfully! I am so grateful for all of your support. I'm learning the true power of this, it is very apparent in my mind, my attitude and, hopefully will be obvious in my actions. Thank you!
James 5:15-16 -- And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (emphasis added)
I am very grateful for my spiritual family. I am confident of their love because they care about me enough to tell me where I am not on the right track, usually in a very practical and loving way. I have been presented with a number of areas of potential growth in my character by them recently and frankly they are very challenging to my heart, but I would like feedback and input from those of you who know me and see how I am and how I can be better. I feel like I have so much to learn and grow in.
God please help me to be humble and listen for what I need to learn and to grow in, and to trust you every day. Please help me find a job this week so I can stay in Germany. Amen!
James 5:15-16 -- And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. (emphasis added)
I am very grateful for my spiritual family. I am confident of their love because they care about me enough to tell me where I am not on the right track, usually in a very practical and loving way. I have been presented with a number of areas of potential growth in my character by them recently and frankly they are very challenging to my heart, but I would like feedback and input from those of you who know me and see how I am and how I can be better. I feel like I have so much to learn and grow in.
God please help me to be humble and listen for what I need to learn and to grow in, and to trust you every day. Please help me find a job this week so I can stay in Germany. Amen!
Friday, September 6, 2013
Just Struggling
I have always tried to be positive and upbeat, not only on this blog, but also in my daily life. I feel I have been grateful for what I have and not fake, but I just need to really be honest about some things that have been taking root in my heart.
First of all, I would just like to say that this has been one of the most meaningful and rewarding times in my life. I have been living my dream, in a place I absolutely love, reacquainting myself with a city that never fails to amaze me, with a God that is completely faithful. I have had everything I have needed, and I am truly grateful and humbled by the amount of love and generosity I have experienced from God and the people here. I would trade the last nearly 5 months for anything.
With that said, the reality of my situation is causing deep anxiety. On the outside, as I said, I am trying to be faithful, patient and really putting my trust in God. I am absolutely confident of that. This process has also revealed some things in my character that have really challenged me. I also have a new appreciation for Satan. I know that sounds weird, but hang in there with me while I explain.
When I left Spokane I was doing pretty well spiritually. Honestly, it was hard to gauge because I had been in survival mode a bit while I was busy working on my house, selling stuff, etc. But I think overall I was doing well. I have also mentioned in previous posts about the struggle between good and evil. You will see this when you try to lose weight and seemingly every possible temptation is vying for you to give in to that piece of cake or a cookie, or "just a little something". Right? Paul said it best in Rom 7:15-23:
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
What I have been experiencing here has been that very principle, but to a much larger extent. I still believe my heart is to do the right thing. I still believe I came here because God called me. But I'm struggling. A lot. Satan knows just where to hit me. I am having some great spiritual victories in my life and he has just been attacking me relentlessly in the areas of my character that are the weakest. He's a crafty devil, and knows just how to discourage me and to lead me away from the pack, where I am the most vulnerable.
I feel weak right now. All my bills are past due at home except my mortgage and 2nd mortgage. I have no money to live on and have to continually ask for help. I haven't worked in 7 months and its driving me crazy. I want to work, I want to be a contributing part of society. I hate being bored and not doing anything. But that is my lot right now.
I want to ask for some specific prayers. I know God is stronger than my struggles and Satan's influence, but I feel physically and spiritually week. Please pray for strength for me and for my relationship with God. I am still working to find a job, but with every passing day it gets harder. Please pray for me to be faithful and strong, but I am weak now and I need you all and your prayers more than ever.
On a positive note, I had two interviews on Wednesday. Frankly I was not very hopeful about either, but I went and tried my very best. The first one was communicated by a dear friend and I thought it went well, and apparently so did the interviewers. I am hopeful about this one, so please pray for God's will on that one.
Also, last night, I was just feeling tired and burdened from the job search and all the stuff that's been weighing on my heart. I decided instead of going home extra early, that I would take a bike ride out to Templehofer Feld. This is a very large park not too far from where I hang out at the library. You may even know this place because it used to be the main airport in Berlin, Templehof Airport. I would post pictures, but of course my camera did not want to cooperate. Hopefully another time.
Ever since I started learning German back in 1985 in Virginia, I remember having a chapter in our book on Berlin. It introduced us to many of the main tourist and historical attractions in Berlin, and this is one of those places I remember from that time. I remember even in history class learning of how the Russians blocked the main roads into Berlin in 1948, 3 years after the war, to force the city to essentially become reliant on them, this was known as the Berlin Blockade. But the allies decided to fly in food and supplies to the city to keep them alive and running. They needed to airlift a million pounds of supplies into the city EVERY DAY to keep people from starving or freezing. In just over a year, the allies flew 278,228 flights into the city, that's nearly 700 flights a day. If running 24 hours a day, that would be a flight every two minutes. In all, these flights brought 5 billion pounds of food, coal and supplies to the city. (Info per wikipedia article)
As a teenager, I remember being so blown away by this. When I was here in '86 and '92, I wanted to spend time there, but the airport was still a US Air Force base, and I really had no way of getting on either time. Now, that I actually have access to it, what a treat!!!
It was a perfect evening last night as I ambled my way through the streets to get there. There was a breeze but the temperature was about 70-75. Skies were clear and I stayed until the sun began to set. There were thousands of people there, but it's so large it only seemed like a few. Some people wer having barbecues, some playing volleyball or tennis, most walking, running or riding there bikes, and a few of the lucky ones were skate-sailing. I don't know if that's the actual term for it, but essentially dudes are riding around on skateboards with large kite/sails and with the stiff breeze, looked like a blast! I need to try that sometime!
So, I stopped to get my sunglasses out of my backpack, and just then, Katja called me. So, we decided to meet and we went to get a bite to eat. We went to a restaurant and I tore up a chicken. It was really good. Katja already ate, so she just had some coffee. All in all, a really great evening. With everything going on, I really needed it.
Also, Connections library is back open for business for the Fall. I CANT believe it's September already!!! Anyway, Larry just got back from the states two days ago and all is getting back to abnormal. Teri and Mindy have been making all kinds of changes and the place really looks fantastic.
Well, as usual, I wrote significantly more than I expected. Have a great weekend and I'll keep everyone updated on the job front. Until the next time...
First of all, I would just like to say that this has been one of the most meaningful and rewarding times in my life. I have been living my dream, in a place I absolutely love, reacquainting myself with a city that never fails to amaze me, with a God that is completely faithful. I have had everything I have needed, and I am truly grateful and humbled by the amount of love and generosity I have experienced from God and the people here. I would trade the last nearly 5 months for anything.
With that said, the reality of my situation is causing deep anxiety. On the outside, as I said, I am trying to be faithful, patient and really putting my trust in God. I am absolutely confident of that. This process has also revealed some things in my character that have really challenged me. I also have a new appreciation for Satan. I know that sounds weird, but hang in there with me while I explain.
When I left Spokane I was doing pretty well spiritually. Honestly, it was hard to gauge because I had been in survival mode a bit while I was busy working on my house, selling stuff, etc. But I think overall I was doing well. I have also mentioned in previous posts about the struggle between good and evil. You will see this when you try to lose weight and seemingly every possible temptation is vying for you to give in to that piece of cake or a cookie, or "just a little something". Right? Paul said it best in Rom 7:15-23:
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members.
What I have been experiencing here has been that very principle, but to a much larger extent. I still believe my heart is to do the right thing. I still believe I came here because God called me. But I'm struggling. A lot. Satan knows just where to hit me. I am having some great spiritual victories in my life and he has just been attacking me relentlessly in the areas of my character that are the weakest. He's a crafty devil, and knows just how to discourage me and to lead me away from the pack, where I am the most vulnerable.
I feel weak right now. All my bills are past due at home except my mortgage and 2nd mortgage. I have no money to live on and have to continually ask for help. I haven't worked in 7 months and its driving me crazy. I want to work, I want to be a contributing part of society. I hate being bored and not doing anything. But that is my lot right now.
I want to ask for some specific prayers. I know God is stronger than my struggles and Satan's influence, but I feel physically and spiritually week. Please pray for strength for me and for my relationship with God. I am still working to find a job, but with every passing day it gets harder. Please pray for me to be faithful and strong, but I am weak now and I need you all and your prayers more than ever.
On a positive note, I had two interviews on Wednesday. Frankly I was not very hopeful about either, but I went and tried my very best. The first one was communicated by a dear friend and I thought it went well, and apparently so did the interviewers. I am hopeful about this one, so please pray for God's will on that one.
Also, last night, I was just feeling tired and burdened from the job search and all the stuff that's been weighing on my heart. I decided instead of going home extra early, that I would take a bike ride out to Templehofer Feld. This is a very large park not too far from where I hang out at the library. You may even know this place because it used to be the main airport in Berlin, Templehof Airport. I would post pictures, but of course my camera did not want to cooperate. Hopefully another time.
Ever since I started learning German back in 1985 in Virginia, I remember having a chapter in our book on Berlin. It introduced us to many of the main tourist and historical attractions in Berlin, and this is one of those places I remember from that time. I remember even in history class learning of how the Russians blocked the main roads into Berlin in 1948, 3 years after the war, to force the city to essentially become reliant on them, this was known as the Berlin Blockade. But the allies decided to fly in food and supplies to the city to keep them alive and running. They needed to airlift a million pounds of supplies into the city EVERY DAY to keep people from starving or freezing. In just over a year, the allies flew 278,228 flights into the city, that's nearly 700 flights a day. If running 24 hours a day, that would be a flight every two minutes. In all, these flights brought 5 billion pounds of food, coal and supplies to the city. (Info per wikipedia article)
As a teenager, I remember being so blown away by this. When I was here in '86 and '92, I wanted to spend time there, but the airport was still a US Air Force base, and I really had no way of getting on either time. Now, that I actually have access to it, what a treat!!!
It was a perfect evening last night as I ambled my way through the streets to get there. There was a breeze but the temperature was about 70-75. Skies were clear and I stayed until the sun began to set. There were thousands of people there, but it's so large it only seemed like a few. Some people wer having barbecues, some playing volleyball or tennis, most walking, running or riding there bikes, and a few of the lucky ones were skate-sailing. I don't know if that's the actual term for it, but essentially dudes are riding around on skateboards with large kite/sails and with the stiff breeze, looked like a blast! I need to try that sometime!
So, I stopped to get my sunglasses out of my backpack, and just then, Katja called me. So, we decided to meet and we went to get a bite to eat. We went to a restaurant and I tore up a chicken. It was really good. Katja already ate, so she just had some coffee. All in all, a really great evening. With everything going on, I really needed it.
Also, Connections library is back open for business for the Fall. I CANT believe it's September already!!! Anyway, Larry just got back from the states two days ago and all is getting back to abnormal. Teri and Mindy have been making all kinds of changes and the place really looks fantastic.
Well, as usual, I wrote significantly more than I expected. Have a great weekend and I'll keep everyone updated on the job front. Until the next time...
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