I can't get over something I experienced in the subway today. It's not uncommon for someone to get on the train who is homeless asking for change for food or whatever, but the man I encountered on the train was different. He was a taller Turkish or possibly Arab man, thin with bushy hair. He was, as you would expect, unshaven and wore a long knitted overcoat of some sort. He was unkempt, and one of the legs of his green pants were rolled up to just below his knee. You could see on his left leg large dark areas where he seemed to have very poor circulation. He had a very hard time walking and was aided by two forearm crutches. Every passenger on the train was very aware of him, some watching him closely, others acting like he was not there at all.
Usually when one of these people gets on the train, they usually will say, "Please excuse the interruption, but I am homeless..." and then have a short, very nicely worded and well rehearsed speech to ask for donations for food or whatnot. This man started this way, but then he suddenly stopped speaking. He stood there speechless, looking forward, as if into thin air. He looked like he wanted to cry, but more than that, he looked helpless, hopeless and desperate. My heart broke as I looked at the agonized expression in the deep crevasses on his forehead and all over his face. He stood there speechless for a few minutes, occasionally making eye contact with the passengers, but never finishing his speech. Occasionally he would utter something softly, but I was unable to distinguish what he was saying.
After a few moments, he would move further along in the train and essentially do the same thing. I decided to go up to him and I put a small coin in his tattered paper coffee cup. As it was coming to the end of the line, I watched him as he slowly moved forward through the next car. I wanted so badly to help him, but what could I give him? He looked so downtrodden, what would a small coin do to truly help this man out? My heart just continued to break to watch such desperation in a fellow human being. It destroyed me. I tried so hard to hold back the tears, but I just couldn't. I felt nearly as helpless as he looked. I wanted to do something of import in his life, and I decided to see if I could speak with him when we got off at the last station, only one stop further.
Somehow, I lost track of him. I thought, "Where could he have gone?" I didn't see him exit the train and he certainly wasn't still on it. As I exited the train, I waited to see if he got off, but I couldn't see him. The thought of his face still haunts me, was there something more I could have done for him?
The walk to the escalator seemed like a mile. As I walked out of the subway station, I just couldn't hold back tears. A fellow human being, cast away from society, ignored by mankind, thrown away. A human life that started off like everyone else's, so where did his life go wrong? What happened to bring him to this point of utter hopelessness?
I can't help but to think of one scripture. I hope this is applicable in this situation, because the kind of heartbreak carried in the lines of his face would be unbearable for one man to carry alone.
Heb. 13:2-3 -- Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves are suffering.
God, please help this man. I don't know what more I could have done, but I wanted so desperately to do something. I pray that somehow you can multiply that small coin into something useful for him. All I can do is pray...
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