I just got done watching this video. I would encourage you to watch it, too, before you read the rest of this blog. It's inspiring, moving, convicting...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cD32zEin854
I'm going to be honest. I'm struggling with some stuff in my life. I don't hate it, but I am having to get used to working a 40-hour week for the first time in 14 months, getting used to a new place to live and a new living situation, bus schedules, responsibilities, etc. These aren't bad things, they are just things I am having to accept and embrace as my new life. I've been pushed to my limits physically at times and have felt overwhelmed mentally as well. In the course of a week, I moved twice, and had to make and accept quite a few changes in my daily schedule. I didn't realize until this move just how stressful all these things have been collectively.
I've also realized and have learned to appreciate something like I never have before. You know, each person has their story. Every person has their own baggage and is on their own journey through this life. I have learned to listen to people, to try to understand them through the things that God is allowing them to experience. It's always interesting to see the things they are learning through their individual experiences. I'm super encouraged to meet people that have great dreams, goals, victories, and yes, even some failures. Sometimes people do well through them, sometimes people are in survival mode, and some just do not do well with their challenges. I feel like I personally have been in each one of those places many times in the past year.
During this journey of mine, I have encountered a lot of people that have honestly treated me like I didn't have a clue what I was doing. There have been times that it has been very hurtful to me. I try not to take it personally, but sometimes I do. What I have realized is this. I am confident of what I believe God has tried to encourage me with. The fact that my returning to the states may look like a failure to you or others, but that is not the way I see it AT ALL.
Whether you agree with me or not is not important, because you probably don't have all the information I have access to, on which I make my decisions. I have a number of advisors that I talk with, and whatever decisions I make, in the end I have to take responsibility for those before God. Now, I'm happy to discuss anything with you if you approach me personally (within reason, of course), but one thing I have learned lately is very interesting.
When I was in Germany, I didn't live in luxury, and I got by with the basics. And I believe that most days I was legitimately grateful for what I had. Now, I'm hoping to buy this car, God willing, and the car is really not pretty. It's nearly 30 years old and has damage on it, rust and a door and trunk that are not the same color as the rest of the car. And a year ago, I would have been really concerned about what others would think of me driving such a "beater"...
Now, however, I see things differently. I would be so excited and proud to own this car. I would show it off to my friends and family and my face would beam with excitement and pride to be able to do so. It's not because my friends would be jealous of what I have (maybe they would be), but it is out of gratitude.
I'll tell you right now, I have been far from perfect in the things I have done with what God has given me. But I will not let any of these sins or "learning opportunities" stop me from pursuing my dream of returning to Germany on a permanent basis someday. God does not expect us to be perfect, he created us and he knows what we are capable of (good and bad!), but despite my faults, my heart is to continue on, even if it seems like the direction of my life seems opposite to my dreams. God expects me to admit my faults and change my mind about those things (this is confession and repentance) Repentance simply means to a "change of mind". Practically, this means that we see our faults or sins in a different way.
An example of this is lying. Lying is often a way we protect ourselves from negative consequences from others, from something we have done wrong. Repentance in lying would be not to just stop lying, but seeing that our lies really might hurt someone else (spouse, friend, etc.). Seeing the pain we cause others can be a motivation to not want to do that any more. This is how we can "change our minds" on the sin of lying.
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In the past year, there has been a significant amount of negativity from people regarding my life. That's fine, it doesn't bother me too much. All I have to do is remember what God has done for me and deal with the daily challenges of my life and I can continue to move forward. I try to block out the negativity and remember God's promises for those that are faithful to him. I am on a journey, and so are you. My journey has not come to an end yet. Every day my heart is broken that I can't be in Germany. That doesn't mean that I don't like where I'm at, my situation, my job, my friends, etc., it just means that my heart will continue to desire to be there. My heart has been there since 1985 when I moved there and I doubt that will ever change.
So since we are all on our own journey, let's encourage one another to stay the course and ask together for God's blessing to be on us and we continue through this life. Each person is responsible for his/her life and journey. If you have concerns, let's talk to each other openly and honestly. I don't know what God's plan is. I could be here in Seattle, for instance, for 10 days or 10 years, I don't know. What I do know is that my heart would be broken to not pursue the dream that God placed on my heart nearly 3 years ago.
What is your dream? What are you willing to do to pursue your own dream? You don't have to fly across the world to pursue a dream, but what is your passion? What gets your blood pumping and gets you out of bed in the morning? Fight for your dreams and make them God's dream for you as well.
Sorry to continue to mention it, but I would encourage you to read my blog post from last night as well, but I'm really trying to be able to afford this car and would appreciate even a $5 donation to help me get a VERY reasonably priced and I believe, reliable car. You can donate directly with the button below. Thanks!
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