I have a new respect for what leaders have to deal with. Last night I led a discussion on a sensitive subject that I was not aware how sensitive it was. It was very enlightening to see some very strong opinions on that subject, but I am grateful for the Word to speak powerfully, and for open discussion. I really feel like God is trying to open (or re-open) some doors in our lives that are very good, and I can't wait to show people how good these things really are. I have been learning a lot and it's been challenging my character to love even more deeply and to just nudge people in the right direction, with the help of God's Word. It is challenging, but I also already see some of the rewards of it, too.
I'm learning about needs. We all have them, whether we are willing to admit them or not. Sometimes in our first world cultures, especially if we are financially secure, we don't always see our needs. This is a trap I fell into when I had my career. I was able to take care of myself, so didn't need to rely on anyone. This gave me a false sense of security, because when the bottom fell out of my financial life, I was totally unprepared mentally how to manage my money, curb spending, cut out unnecessary purchases, etc. As a result, I not only went through my severance, but in less than two years, my 401(k) as well. The account wasn't that huge (relatively speaking), but it was still a pretty substantial sum... I still owe some tax on that, even though I paid my 10% on any money I took out (it ended up being like 20-25% of the withdrawals!).
So, back to my original point about needs. We really do all have them. I'm trying understand what people need, that individuals' needs to vary greatly. Men and women also have very different kinds of needs and even culturally I am learning that people process things very differently. I guess that really shouldn't be too much of a surprise, but it's becoming clearer and clearer to me. I hope I can be an effective tool for change in people's perspectives and in the way they prioritize not only their own needs and schedules, but to also consider the needs of others. (Php. 2:1-8 is a great read on this subject.)
Anyway, I also have to confess I feel pretty frustrated and disappointed right now with some situations and some decisions people are making. I don't want to be too specific here, but it would suffice to say that I am relying on some people for some simple assistance and they, for reasons unknown to me, have not been able to fulfill them. I feel powerless to do anything because I'm totally reliant on them. I trust them, and know they are not trying to hurt me, but I have so much to deal with in my work situation, residence permit and where I will be living (will I be moving back to the states in 5 days?), I just am having a hard time processing this kind of frustration at this point. I guess I just need to pray about it.
Moving on. I am hoping to hear today (Friday) on this job. It's really hard to wait on God. I know I'm on the verge of knowing one way or the other, exactly what God's will really is, but it's honestly just a little unnerving. One more thing for me to really give up to God. I have very little power to change it right now obviously. I'm actually okay about having God be in control, but I'm so used to having control, and being and impatient person anyway, it's just very hard.
I know this post sounds a little negative, I really don't mean it to. I just have a lot on my heart and this blog is such a great release valve for me. I'm actually doing well. I enjoy being challenged and I will be glad to know next week where I will be and what I will be doing for the near future (prayerfully). Just have some nerves to work through and just vent some angst. Thanks for letting me bend your ear with it. Pray with me just to wait, trust, and obey.
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I was very excited today to still have sunny weather, albeit a bit cold and windy, to be able to have an opportunity to hang out with Jürgen and Christian, both have been sick and both seem to be doing much better. Jürgen was full of spunk, so I think he's pretty much back to abnormal again. It's fun to spend time pestering him, and he feels the same. One minute we will be in the middle of a deep spiritual subject, the next, we're just being silly. Who said the Germans are serious and boring??? So grateful for friendships with crazy spiritual men!
Well, I think that's it for me tonight. Happy German Unification Day! Enjoy your weekend!
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